#321: Marc brings a deeply philosophical question to the team: Are we capable of change? We touch on media examples of role models we strive to emulate and the lived experiences (read: parents) that shape our thoughts and behaviors. Compassion and introspection help us to create the changes we want to see.

Josué Cardona 0:11
Welcome to GT radio on the Geek Therapy network here Geek Therapy. We believe that the best way to understand each other and ourselves through the media we care about, my name is JosuéCardona. And I’m joined by link Keller.

Link Keller 0:22
Hello,

Josué Cardona 0:24
Lara Taylor.

Lara Taylor 0:25
Hey,

Josué Cardona 0:26
Marc Cuiriz

Marc Cuiriz 0:27
Hello,

Josué Cardona 0:28
Marc, it is your turn this week

Marc Cuiriz 0:32
it is my turn. Okay. Yeah, so it for this one. And I posted this a lot in the discord very, very briefly where I said, I think I’m having an existential crisis. So I kind of wanted to hear your guys’s opinions on this,

Lara Taylor 0:46
we have an existential crisis on the show, like every week,

Marc Cuiriz 0:50
that is true,

Lara Taylor 0:51
you’re in the right place.

Marc Cuiriz 0:53
After all, 300 of them, I am well versed in your existential crises. So this came up in my last therapy session, where I was talking about the ideas of change, because you know, growing up, dealing with all the crap I’ve had to go through, I’ve always made the conscious choices to be the exact opposite of what I grew up with. So instead of like hiding my emotions, I chose to openly show them and let them be seen, instead of being closed off or aggressive. I was calm and kind and empathetic, and so on and so forth. But now, as I’m getting older, I’m sort of realizing that I’m kind of falling into patterns that I’ve seen before. You know, growing up, and I was like, the question that came up was, are we as people and humans really like blank canvases where we can choose to change and create ourselves, however we so choose? Or is there some sort of like, pre determined behaviors that we kind of learn, as you know, we’re babbies and into young children, that no matter how hard we try to change those things, or better them or in whatever the case is, there are still hints of those always going to let that are always going to kind of shine through and kind of be seen and it’s just something that’s like, you’re kind of stuck with.

Josué Cardona 2:26
Welcome to GT Radio we’re getting philosophical here.

Marc Cuiriz 2:32
Basically,

Lara Taylor 2:32
not a tough question at all, Mark,

Josué Cardona 2:35
nature versus nurture. I will I will share that. I too, have been motivated throughout my entire life by what I call negative role models. I don’t know if that’s the I don’t think that’s like the correct term. But that’s what I’ve always called them. So I’ve tried to be the opposite of a bunch of people.

Link Keller 3:00
anti role model?

Josué Cardona 3:01
A what?

Link Keller 3:02
anti role model role anti model. Something there

Lara Taylor 3:07
yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josué Cardona 3:09
A Roll away? model? I don’t know, but but I’ve used that term, a lot.

Lara Taylor 3:17
a nat one model.

Josué Cardona 3:20
But But I too, have learned that I am more like some of those people than I thought. And it is it was not a happy realization at all. I mean, I’ve always I’ve always looked to fictional characters as as role models. Those have always been in my real life. I’ve never had, you know, like, people close to me who I felt were role models. And I Yeah, yeah, no, I’m those are My initial thoughts while I sit over here in this corner process a bit somebody else talk.

Lara Taylor 4:05
My initial thought is that I think is a combination of both right? We can change where I’m a therapist, I think people can change otherwise, why bother? If you’re going with that painting metaphor, maybe we’re not a blank canvas, maybe someone painted an oil painting and the oil is still malleable, and we can move it around and change it and make it different, it can look different. But those things are still there and influence us whether we like it or not. I don’t know that. That’s my thought.

Lara Taylor 4:42
Link?

Link Keller 4:52
I also come from a background of having people close to me that I um especially as a teenager was very vehemently, like, that’s what not to do, I’m going to do whatever that is not. And I have coped with moments in my life where realizations that when you are in novel situations, you don’t have a lot of time to think about stuff. And you react in the moment. And you realize that that reaction is based off of that playbook that you didn’t want to use. But that’s the playbook that you had. And it takes a lot of introspection to be able to recognize when that is happening in the moment. I don’t know if I’m very good at it is something you know, I think that that’s probably a lifelong training thing. But people people are capable of change, I would say that firmly people are capable of change. I think even when we are recreating behaviors, that because the context of our own life is different, that the behaviors are different because of that context. Now, it can have outcomes that are positive or negative, mixed bag, usually mixed bag. But I think it is so important to remember that the context matters, that even if you are recreating shitty behaviors of your parents, like that was in the 90s 80s 70s. It’s like now we’re now and that’s

Lara Taylor 6:48
just to be clear, no one here was alive in the 70s,

Link Keller 6:51
I was talking about our parents,

Lara Taylor 6:53
okay, okay.

Josué Cardona 6:59
Lara, you weren’t?

Lara Taylor 6:59
I am a month older than you stop it. I’m gonna keep defending myself. Because Josué called me old last week.

Link Keller 7:07
I think honestly, one of the big reframing moments for me was realizing that a lot of the stuff it’s the same is the same for our parents, right, that they did things that they swore to themselves that they would never do, because their parents did it to them. And you just unconsciously you do it, you pass it on, you express anger at a situation that really doesn’t require anger, because that’s the shorthand that you learned from your dad. Really showing myself there. But I think

Josué Cardona 7:45
hypothetically,

Lara Taylor 7:47
hypothetical situation

Link Keller 7:49
I think having that realization of like, this happens to literally everybody really helped me be more compassionate towards myself, which that compassion gives space for me to actually have that moment of introspection, and, you know, next time be able to be like, oh, oh, I’m getting that feeling right now that I’m about to do something that is based in, in the past, and it doesn’t need to be I can, I can take this moment and change, I can do something different, I can make a different choice. But it definitely it took a lot of years and a lot of really trying to see specifically parents as real, multifaceted people who have all the same bullshit from their history that affects who they are currently. And that is, that is me, that is my parents, those my grandparents, as their parents we are all just doing our best

Lara Taylor 8:54
Abuela and the Madrigals

Link Keller 8:56
absolutely great example right there.

Josué Cardona 9:01
Marc, are we ...