I got this email from a former piano player:

“I’ve given up on piano. I’m just not good enough to play the pieces I love.

I took lessons from a teacher once, but he had a short temper and made me feel stupid for not knowing exactly what he wanted me to do. I’m 70 years old. I told him I just wish could play Bach like the 9-year-olds I see on YouTube, but he laughed and told me to ignore them. Finally, I leaned back and said ‘I give up.’ But, it’s OK. We weren’t even playing pieces I wanted to play anyway.

I can’t play in front of people because I get nervous and tense, even in front of my wife. When I try playing from memory, I can’t concentrate and all the work I did goes out the window. I found some relaxation exercises online, but they didn’t help.

I can’t play fast. I’ve done arpeggio exercises I found on YouTube but they don’t transfer to real pieces. When I read music, I fixate on one note at a time and can’t look ahead. I got a little bit better at looking ahead, but it’s still not good enough.

Nowadays, I’m happier just listening to music. Piano isn’t for everyone.”

Let me give my diagnosis.

This isn’t a case of being a beginner. What we’re dealing with here is NMD (narcissistic musician disorder).

Here’s why:

* You blamed your teacher for being hard to please, instead of helping him understand why you weren’t willing to trust him.

* When you quit piano, instead of admitting you were frustrated, you said “eh, it’s a stupid game, anyway”.

* You blame mysterious, external forces like “tension” or “lack of concentration”, instead of taking responsibility for your role in the problem.

* You insist you should be able to play as well as 9-year-olds on YouTube, instead of accepting that they’re better than you and you should be learning from them.

* When you play piano for your wife, you have a problem with the feelings that happen. You don’t let yourself accept those feelings (“tension” or whatever you want to call it). You avoid the whole thing because you’re unwilling to subject yourself to them. For your wife, even.

* You believe random exercises you found online should be able to fix you as if you know enough to know what to look up or what the problem is.

* Your solution to the problem of reading music is “looking ahead”, rather than extracting meaning from the music you’re trying to read (you know, like you’d read a book?).

So, I don’t believe you when you say you don’t want to play piano.

I think what’s going on here is that we have a 70-year-old with NMD who thinks he’s already paid his dues.

—Michael

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