It is incumbent upon us, as fathers, to celebrate the arrival of a newborn properly. with intent, noise, and at least a vague sense that something ancient has been satisfied. The gods must be notified.

Chief among them are Odin and Thor, custodians of wisdom, violence, strength, storms, and extremely poor anger management. They demand brute strength, fire, smoke and preferably a meat-based sacrifice. Lightning ⚡ is often a clue that you have either succeeded or failed spectacularly.

What follows is a practical guide for the modern man attempting an ancient rite, possibly in a suburban environment, likely while sleep-deprived.

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