Clean-up, clean-up, everybody do your share...how do we clean up during observation and after pottying our babies with elimination communication, and are there any tricks? Today we’ll answer this question from one of our readers.

Q: As a first time mom and therefore first timer at this EC stuff; can you please tell me what is the best way to clean up the pee and/or poop when you are just starting out and observing your child for his/her “signals”?

My son is almost 10 months old and we are starting very late but I’m hoping for at least a little bit of success. Thanks for the advice :) ~Anonymous

A: Hey Mama! First off, congrats on starting Elimination Communication with a mobile, older baby.

It is never too late to start EC, so long as you’re still beginning prior to 18 months. (If over 18 months, see my other book for young toddler potty training that’s in line with EC.)

When you, the parent, are ready to ditch the diapers, that age becomes the right age to start potty training your child.

Being that you’ve begun at 10 months, and in the middle of a LOT of developmental changes for dear baby, I do have some tips for cleaning up during naked and “diaper-free” observation time.

But, first, let’s cover:

1. Only do as much naked time as is necessary to gather information (such as your baby’s natural timing and intervals for peeing and pooping [after feeding and after waking], your baby’s signals or peepee dance [if any!], and to check in with your intuition).

Once that info is gathered, STOP doing naked time immediately.

This step is often missed, and is one that will help you lessen the need to clean up.

At the point that naked time becomes defunct/unnecessary, you’ll want to either (a) put your child in 100% cotton trainers (I prefer Gerbers’ 18 mo size, shrunk down with a hot wash/hot dry) and regular pants and clothing, (b) use a Sumo-style diaper back-up so you know right away when your child is wet (this means using a diaper belt around the child’s waist that holds a folded cloth prefold diaper in place, or (c) continue to use the diapers of your choice (cloth is preferred to retain or build sensitivity to wetness) as a tool (a “back-up”) whenever you wish (just be consistent…like: every morning she’s just in pants, but in a diaper the rest of the day).

2. During this range of naked time, do your observation in a “safe” space with a potty in the room/area. This could be a room in the house that has tile or hardwood floors; an outdoor area if the weather is warm enough; or even a carpeted room with towels, blankets, or yoga mats covering a vast majority of the carpet.

This way, any mess will be “contained” in the larger sense. :)

3. Since baby is mobile, I do not recommend just letting him pee wherever. What does that teach? This is a major downfall of how most EC has been done (up until my revised book came out).

Instead, do this: I recommend (gently, like a calm air-lift) transporting him to the potty each time he begins to pee or poop while saying (firmly but gently) “wait” and sitting him on the potty every single time. This teaches him pee goes in the potty and models how to get there himself when the time comes. Do it midstream. Do it when you see the peepee dance or signal come, or when you feel the intuition.

This will lessen your mess to just what drips between where you were sitting and playing, and where the in-the-room-nearby potty is.

4. While you’re observing, resist the urge to be potty-centered. This will save you mess now and in the future! Instead, have a diffuse awareness around pottying, just as you do around eating and sleeping. Do not helicopter! Focus on connecting with your child while noticing the pee and poop patterns without overdoing it all. A fine balance.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 12/15/20

The post Clean-up appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

When we were expecting our firstborn, Elimination Communication wasn't even remotely on our radar. So, when clothes shopping, we figured *of course* we needed onesies…and plenty of them.

If you're like me, the moment you started practicing EC, those snaps became one of your biggest headaches, right? I mean, snapping and unsnapping every couple hours….no big deal. But every 30 minutes?!?! Forget it.

And so…the snaps were left hanging unsnapped, they were snapped to the side, sometimes snapped over the shoulders. Snapped everywhere except where they were meant to be snapped.

AND, to pile on the offense, if you switch from disposables to cloth diapers, the onesies you had been using no longer fit, and you have to size up early. Ugh!

THEN, if you make the jump to using Tiny Trainers (which we did at 10 months), even the thought of using onesies gets thrown out the window. I definitely don't want a miss to involve an entire outfit change.

There's a practical solution to this difficulty - turn your onesies into t-shirts! The pattern I'm going to share with you today is SO easy - anyone can do it, even if the only sewing tools you own are a needle and some thread.

It actually took us until our baby was almost 12 months old before we finally broke and cut a onesie apart…I was so scared of ruining them. To be fair, at that point we basically only owned tops and bottoms in her size, so it was a matter of saving a favorite onesie that would otherwise never ever be worn again. But with this pattern on hand, maybe you can make the jump a lot sooner!

A word of caution: Before you go and destroy your entire stash - maybe just try one. You may find you actually still prefer onesies, especially if your baby isn't mobile yet, so they don't ride up your baby's belly when you carry them all the time. And if you find it doesn't quite work for you, the one onesie you’ve modified will still make a great PJ top with easy diaper access.

If you're worried this might be too much for you, let me assure you, I am NOT a seamstress by any means - if it was simple enough for me, you can do it, too. It would definitely be faster with a sewing machine, but I don't have one, so hand-sewing does the trick (and it's relaxing too!).

Alright, enough with the backstory. Let's get to this pattern!

Items needed:

To begin, cut the onesie at the lowest point possible, while maintaining a mostly-straight line across. You want as much room to work with as possible.

Then, flip your onesie-turned-tshirt inside out. We are going to hem up the bottom to prevent it from rolling, and add some extra cuteness.

Fold up all the way around the bottom of the shirt just a hair - I folded mine up a little more than I should have here, but I had to because the bottom was a bit too curved.

Then fold it up a second time. It should look like the picture below. Pin that roll of fabric in place - be sure to avoid accidentally pinning the two sides of the shirt together. You should still be able to put the shirt on your baby (If you wanted to, that is. Definitely don't try it with the pins still in.).

I like to double the string, thread it through the needle, and then bring the ends together and knot it. This makes it 4 threads wide which gives you a sturdy, thick thread to work with. It's nice to have your thread (after the doubling and knotting) measure about double the width of the shirt, which will get you through half the hem and leave you enough to secure it at the side seam instead of in the middle of the shirt.

Start near one side seam and poke your needle down into the top part of your fold. Since the shirt is inside out, this means the extra thread left after your knot will be hidden on the inside.

Then hand stitch all the way across the top part of your fold around the shirt, taking pins out as you go. This will keep your hem secure, and leave a very cute little line of stitches at the bottom of the shirt. It WILL be visible, so be sure to keep it as straight as possible.

I found that as opposed to pushing the needle down and pulling the thread through, then up and pulling it through, it was much easier to keep a straight line if I went down and up before pulling the needle through.

I would poke the needle through downward, then leave a millimeter or two of space and poke it upwards, like in the photo below. Then I would pull the thread all the way through.

This allowed me to have neat even stitches, and helped speed up the process because I wasn't flipping the fabric back and forth over and over again.

When you are getting low on thread (maybe with 3-4 inches left), secure and knot the thread, like I will explain in the next couple of steps. I had enough thread to get through half the hem (from one side seam to the other), tie it off, and then rethread for the second half.

8.a) To begin finishing off the end of your thread, stick the needle into a teeny bit of fabric and pull through, but not all the way - leave some string still loose and not pulled through the fabric, like in the picture below.

Then place your needle inside that loop, pull through, and pull it tight.

8.b) Repeat step eight a second time - this time instead of poking the needle into the fabric, thread the needle into the knot you just created before sticking it through the loop and pulling it tight. This will create a strong, lasting knot that won't come undone.

Now, go back to step five and repeat for the other side of the shirt (the second half of the hem), unless you used a really long thread and got all the way around the shirt the first time - then you're done!

Once you've finished off the knot on the other side, and all your pins have been removed, turn the shirt right-side out and try it on your sweet baby!

A couple other notes:

The shirt I used for this post turned out to be a tiny bit short. We saw a lot of our baby's belly button that evening - oops! The onesie from my first try seemed a little bit longer, and covered her appropriately like a regular shirt. So this t-shirt will probably be used exclusively on top of dresses - to make our little Spring dresses more Fall-friendly.

It's held up well in the wash, and I'm so happy to finally be getting some use out of my favorite onesie again!

Definitely play around and see what works well for you - I hope this inspires you to give it a try!

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 12/8/20

The post How to Transform Your Onesies Into Tiny T-Shirts (guest post) appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Many people say “I can’t start EC because I am too busy. This baby pottying business is NOT for busy moms.”

But I say, “Baloney!”

I have 5 kids spanning 8 years and run two businesses...busy is my middle name, and I’ve pottied all 5 of my babies from birth. Not to brag, but I’m definitely fully qualified to share some tips about how to start EC when you’re super-duper busy in today’s show.

I received this specific question from one of our community members:

Q: We’re in the starting phase of EC and I’ve just begun observing and letting my baby be without a diaper for some time during the day. How do you EC in the beginning when you’re going on a trip, or just have things to do one day that fills the whole day? ~Linda N., Karlstad, Sweden

A: Greetings, Linda! Thanks for writing in your question about scheduling in the beginning steps of Elimination Communication.

I think it’s important to point out how vital the beginning phase of EC is…and exactly how to do it so it doesn’t take over your life (or so it will fit into an already-busy schedule).

The very first thing I’d do is start with ONE of the 4 Easy Catches.

They are:

If you are able to commit to any one of these catches, make it a habit! Just offer without expecting a catch, consistently, every day. This will do wonders for your budding EC practice, and might make observation time either (a) unnecessary or (b) much more doable.

You can learn about the 4 easy catches on my free Easy Start Guide. Get one here:

EC is an “exposure” technique, so any single pottytunity done with regularity and a calm attitude WILL make a difference over time!

First, you’ll want to schedule in some naked observation time.

ONLY do this naked time for as long as it takes to gather the necessary information.

Any longer than that, and you’re going to teach your baby to pee on the floor/bed/wherever.

You can, however, continue diaper-free time without it being naked. (Definitely check out my book for more details on this very important topic.)

Okay, back to starting…

So, yes, schedule your naked time.

Find a 2-3 hour block of time that includes at least one feeding and one wake-up.

Turn off your phone, your computer, and Facebook.

Do not invite friends over. Do not do the dishes. Do not multitask.

During this time, make note of your baby’s natural timing and rhythms by recording the intervals between pees and poos as compared to waking, and also as compared to feeding.

Using feeding and waking as starting points will help you make sense of what you’re recording!

Also, make note of any signals your baby makes right before or during the pee or the poo.

There may not be any because the baby is naked. But see for yourself!

Lastly, make note of any feelings or thoughts YOU have right before or during the pee or poo. Is your intuition actively telling you something? This could be used as a resource later.

Then get on with your busy day!

Keep scheduling and doing this 2-3 hour block any time you need to gather more information. IF that need arises.

Though I don’t think you were asking about this, here’s something I have to say to everyone out there:

Just doing naked “observation” time whenever and simultaneously perusing the internet or calling your mother isn’t the same as focused observation time.

This is not EC. Being “diaper-free” does not mean “let him be naked, peeing wherever all the time, and maybe try to potty him here and there when I’m not distracted.”

If you’re going to do EC with your baby, you’d be best served by scheduling a time, actually paying attention, and thus reducing your overall upfront time commitment to the practice.

That said, don’t just throw it around like a new toy. Actually do it! Clear your schedule, 2-3 hours at a time, and learn how to begin.

If you’re at a loss for exactly how to start, my book will walk you thru step by step. As will I on my Forum.

I’d advise any parent to pick a time to start EC when the least “life changes” are occuring.

Having a new baby is not without its ebb and flow. There is always something new happening.

Consider starting EC as the same thing as starting to know your baby’s signs for hunger or sleep or needing warmth or holding. Integrate into the whole beginning if you can.

Get some guidance to help you know exactly how to start in the most streamlined, stress-free way (yes, another shameless plug for my own book).

Starting EC in the middle of world travel might be difficult.

Starting over Thanksgiving at Grandma’s? Not really the best idea.

Scheduling 2-3 hours of observation time before or after Thanksgiving weekend (but not putting it off til Spring)? Great idea!

You don’t have to commit a full 7 days of non-activity to start EC.

(And remember the 4 easy catches...so easy!)

You’ll want to decide how much or how little of EC to do EVERY day…and then do it EVERY DAY. Commit to it and start as you mean to go on.

You can use the tools you gathered during naked time and during the times you’ve committed to ECing every day.

Like I said in the beginning, start with the easy catches, such as upon waking, before or after putting in the carseat, upon diaper changes, just the poops.

You’ll also be using the diaper as a tool, or back-up, and to reduce the stress on *you* so that EC runs more smoothly.

Okay, so all of this is a gross over-simplification of what you may need more guidance to truly wrap your head around.

The main point is, if your life is too busy to adequately feed or rest your baby, then maybe you are too busy to start EC.

Because I’m CERTAIN you’re feeding and resting your baby, I’m CERTAIN you can start EC!

Reframe the diaper as a backup, not a toilet, and simply start with ONE of the easy catches.

If this super-easy way to start doesn’t work for you, do some observation and see what you can see.

Again, if you are feeding and resting your baby fine, even amidst travel, and you have the ability to learn EC AND do the easy catches. If you get that under your belt, you can definitely carve out some time to observe and implement a more substantial start to the practice.

If you can feed and nap your baby, you are not too busy to start EC and should begin right away. (Obvi you just didn’t know how - but now you do! Yay!)

Hope it helped clear up some things for you about starting Elimination Communication with your baby.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 12/1/20

The post Starting EC and observing a naked baby if really busy or traveling appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Elimination Communication often puzzles new parents because it doesn’t fit in with what we have heard or seen about parenting. In our culture, babies wear diapers. They wear diapers all day long, all night long. Babies have a diaper on their butt practically from the moment they are born until they are “ready” to potty train, usually around age 3.

(Learn here why “readiness” is a myth.)

To reinforce this diapering habit and delay potty training, we are told things like:

These messages come from family and friends, caregivers and pediatricians, books and parenting blogs. When people we trust say such things, we tend to believe them. Therefore, we wait and wait and wait before we introduce our children to the potty.

Elimination Communication is based on a different vision of the child than the one we usually have in contemporary Western cultures. EC parents firmly believe that their babies can feel, control, and communicate their elimination needs. We try to answer their basic hygienic need by offering the potty to them.

EC can start as early as birth. It can be practiced full-time or part-time, in combination with diapers or not.

What parents love most about Elimination Communication is that it helps them understand their child and strengthen their relationship with them.

To understand why EC works, we need to forget everything we heard about full-time diapering and delayed potty training for a second. If we change our paradigm for a moment, we can see that EC actually makes a lot of sense. Let’s look at 4 reasons this is true.

Natural infant hygiene (another term for elimination communication) is based on four basic principles that explain why EC works. (Maybe learning these four principles will inspire you to start pottying your baby sooner than you thought.)

When babies are born, everything is new for them. The cold air, the bright light, the loud sounds. The world is a scary place for tiny humans. That’s why it’s so important to cuddle them and carry them skin-to-skin. By submerging ourselves and our newborns in a dark and calm environment, we re-create the sensations of the womb.

We know babies can become upset when their diaper is wet or dirty, but few of us know that babies can feel the need to eliminate BEFORE it happens. This feeling is especially strong for newborns, since defecating is a totally new sensation for them (babies don’t poop in their mother’s womb).

Just like digestion and gassiness can make newborns uncomfortable, the feeling of elimination can also cause a strong reaction. Young babies will express this sensation in a particularly vocal way in their first few weeks and months of life. They might scream or cry not before they are wet or dirty but because they NEED to go NOW.

Of course, it’s not a clear sensation for them. Babies don’t have the full cognitive capacity to understand what is happening in their body. Nonetheless, they do feel it. Newborns do feel their need to pee or poop.

Want to start EC with your new baby? Get the minicourse Potty Time.

However, this sensation can be lost if it is not encouraged by frequent or occasional potty visits. We have created disposable diapers with such an efficient stay-dry effect that babies completely lose the sensation of eliminating. Then they become toddlers, and after that preschoolers, who have no clue when they pee or poo.

The ongoing habit of constantly wearing highly efficient diapers for 2-3-4 years leads kids to disconnect themselves from their bodily functions, namely elimination. That’s why potty training can be so hard with older kids. They just have no clue what’s going on.

Starting early with even occasional visits to the potty (upon waking, after meals, before bath) will keep your baby connected and conscious of the feeling of his own elimination.

Yes, you CAN start EC even if your baby is older than 6 months! It’s never too late to start infant potty training. You just have to adapt the method to the age and development of your baby.

Learn how to potty train at different ages in this blog post.

We used to believe babies were simple. Feed them, change them. What else could they need?

Fortunately, we now know babies are highly complex individuals, with both physical and emotional needs. This ancient wisdom has made a comeback under the name attachment parenting. This parenting approach encourages parents to be fully aware of their babies’ needs and to try to satisfy them as soon as they arise, or, even better, before.

Whether or not you practice attachment parenting, it’s good to recognize the variety of babies’ needs and the ways they can express them. We know babies try to communicate with us when they are hungry, tired, cold, wet, etc.

Well, it happens they also express signals before they need to go potty. These signals are often confused with other primal needs because their communication capacities are not as refined as ours. Indeed, a baby may be crying for various reasons.

However, many EC parents report that their babies have specific ways to communicate about their elimination. Yes, babies DO tell their parents about this very specific need.

Their capacity to communicate will get better as our babies grow in age and in developmental stages. Newborns may just scream or cry when they need to poop. But older babies can grab their crotch, crawl towards the bathroom, or point the potty. When they get better at communication in verbal and non-verbal ways, they may use baby sign language or simply say the words “peepee, poopoo, or potty.”

If you want to learn more about baby signals and other pottytunities, I strongly recommend Andrea’s Easy Start Guide. Read it, print it, put it on your fridge. It’s a great tool all EC families should have. (And it’s free!)

Watch out. We are about to explore the most counter-cultural EC premise.

“Babies get uncomfortable when they have to go. Ok, I can get on board with that. Babies may cry because of it. Sure, that still makes sense. But come on, there is no way they can control it!”

Yes. Babies can control their elimination.

Any EC parent will tell you that their baby can control his sphincter and bladder. Even if your doctor tells you babies can’t hold it, when you witness it every day, how can you doubt it? Natural infant hygiene is the norm throughout cultures and history. Babies across all of human history have been born with the ability to control their sphincters.

If you are interested in the cultural variations of EC practice, listen to Andrea’s podcast series “How people potty their babies in countries without diapers”. It is fascinating!

Now, I’m not saying a newborn can hold his pee for hours. Far from that. Babies’ capacity to control their elimination is very limited at first. Chances are you will have some misses.

As your baby gets older, and especially when a baby is given regular opportunities to use the toilet, he or she will get better and better at it. Just like their sensation and their communication skills get better with practice and habit, so will their control over their bladder and sphincter muscles...and how long they can wait before releasing.

No matter how sophisticated the human species is, we remain mammals with primal needs and instincts. This is especially important when we try to understand babies. Because they are so new in the world, they are much more influenced by nature than by culture.

Babies don’t like being wet or soiled. That’s why they cry when their diaper is full. But that’s not the only thing. As mammals, human babies have the instinct to not soil themselves and the people who care for them. Aren’t they well-made?

So to recap, we saw that babies can feel their elimination, they can communicate about it, and they can control it.

Now I’m telling you that not only can they do all these things, but they will do them because they want to.

Still skeptical? Tell me if this scenario is familiar. Your baby cries, but her diaper is dry. The second you remove the diaper, your baby pees on the changing table. That is their instinct at work. They want to remain clean and dry, so they wait for you to remove their diaper to do their thing.

As we put all the above 4 reasons together, we start seeing that EC makes a lot of sense. If we can decode our baby and offer the potty at the right moment, our baby will take this opportunity to relieve himself in an appropriate place. This will allow him to remain dry and clean more often and for longer periods of time.

As weeks and months go by, our baby will get better at communicating and holding it. We parents will also begin to know our babies better, and we will get better at EC, too.

If you have a hard time pottying your baby at the “right” moment, the Potty Time Master Minicourse is just for you. It will help you find the right moment to offer the potty, even if your baby doesn’t signal his or her need to go!

I often hear parents say they don’t want to pressure their baby to use the potty. And I totally understand that. But the thing is…we don’t have to pressure them. Infant potty learning is the most normal, natural, and satisfying way to respond to our babies’ hygienic needs, no pressure necessary.

These premises may not make lots of sense in our culture right now, but they do when we examine them alongside the experience of all the EC parents around the world and across time. It is our mission at Go Diaper Free to bring back this knowledge and to integrate it into mainstream parenting...for the good of all parents and babies!

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 11/24/20

The post 4 Reasons EC Works (guest post) appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Placing the potty in each room, potty here/there/everywhere...how does pottying your baby in multiple locations affect elimination communication, and should we be pottying our babies in the same place every time?

Today I’m going to answer that specific question from one of our community members:

Q: I potty my 3.5 month old all over the place. First thing in the morning she seems to need to ‘go’ at about 5am so I ‘potty’ her on the bed, leaning on me with the potty between my legs. Sometimes we’re in the lounge room, sometimes her room or the bathroom. Should I start to try and potty her in the on place (the bathroom) so she begins to recognise that as the place to ‘go’? I noticed in your book you mention that once baby can begin to move, they can communicate that the need to ‘go’ when they crawl to the ‘potty’ place.~Sarah, Sydney Australia

A: Hey Sarah! I’m glad that you asked this question…it comes up a lot for a variety of reasons.

My advice is this:

At 3 1/2 months, your baby still doesn’t have the (brain) capacity to maintain long term, repetitive tasks/thoughts/processes (this happens for the short term memory at around 6-9 months, long term around 14-18 months).

It might seem like she’s consistently doing new things…which is right, because she’s learning new skills all the time. But, the brain isn’t quite “there” yet at this age.

A long way of saying that you don’t need to worry about place just yet.

However, your hunch is right about eventually needing to begin to potty her in a consistent place.

At the age your gal begins to crawl, it might be a good idea to start exclusively pottying her in the bathroom.

The exception to this would be if you’re hanging in the living room a lot and the bathroom is too far away for your baby to hold it that long. In that case, you’d also have a potty available in the living room.

Also, if you should ever need to do a naked day to re-learn her timing or signals, or to teach her the motion of “going towards the potty” by placing her on there for each pee, then you’d want the potty nearby (obviously).

For nighttime at 3.5 months, keep pottying her where it’s least disruptive for you. IF she should begin to fuss about it, it might be an indication that she knows she’s peeing over the bed and would like to do it in the proper place (the bathroom). In this case, put a dim nightlight in the bathroom and potty her over the sink at those times, at that age.

Nighttime EC shifts so often that this advice isn’t really applicable to every baby at these ages…but these are some things to keep in mind, anyway!

Keep pottying her wherever convenient and sensible while she’s young.

When she hits crawling, begin exclusively pottying her in the bathroom (whether in-arms or on the mini potty or toilet set reducer…or in dire situations or pauses, on the floor).

At nighttime, do what’s least disruptive (if anything) and note if she shifts to wanting to potty elsewhere in the wee hours.

And as a final note, we now have 5 children and over the years accumulated many potties, especially because I brought the top hat potty back to market and created a super-short mini potty as well.

Needless to say, we have had potties scattered about the house for years and a baby moving toward one of these potties has usually indicated a signal that they need to pee...and the presence of all these potties has never confused any of them.

Potty your baby wherever it’s convenient. That’s the #1 thing that will make EC work: your consistency!

I hope it helped some other ECers know what to do when practicing Elimination Communication in multiple locations, with multiple receptacles.

I’d love to know your home potty station set-up(s). What do you do at your casa? Please write them in the comments below.

And here is a little gallery of some of our readers’ potty stations. Enjoy:

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 11/17/20

The post Potty Location appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Either way you put it, I would argue that practicing Elimination Communication can actually make your working and caretaking struggles easier. Less time-consuming poopy diapers to deal with, a happier baby, quick and easy diaper changes, and early potty independence, among other benefits. But, it's quite the balancing act, trying to figure out how to practically insert it into your work day, especially if you're just getting started.

Here are a few things I've learned from practicing EC while working full time (as a virtual teacher) from home.....starting during the newborn stage, to a crawling baby, and now entering early toddlerhood.

And stay at home moms....whose work involves cooking, cleaning, caring for multiple children, homeschooling, homework help, and countless other jobs....these tips are for you too. While your work might offer a little more flexibility than a 9-5, you definitely fit in the work-from-home category, whether you're paid to do it or not.

As much as my perfectionist self hates to admit, lowering your personal expectations of what EC will look like during your work times is necessary in order to create that work-EC life balance.

This is the same advice I would give if your caregiver or daycare provider was on board with EC. When someone else is pottying your baby, their awareness, intuition, and rhythm simply isn't the same as yours. You may have 1-2 wet diapers when you're with your baby, but you pick that same little one up from daycare to find out they had only ONE catch all day.... can be disheartening right? Unless expectations were already low to start - remember when you first jumped into EC? One catch was AWESOME! (and probably enough to get you hooked, right? But I digress...)

Similarly, when you are working, your awareness, intuition, and rhythm, are not the same as when you are fully present, sharing life with your baby. There is the additional burden of work on your mind, and all the expectations, demands, and stress that it adds to your mental load. You simply can't expect yourself to "perform" at the same level as when you're 100% present to your baby.

You might have a high success rate on weekends and evenings, and yet it feels like miss after miss all day long during the work day.... that's okay. Your baby will understand. Remember that this is a long game, and the goal of day to day EC is learning and exposure to the potty - not a perfect catch rate.

Also, keep in mind that if you were going in to work, leaving your baby in the care of others, most likely one of two things would be happening: 1) Baby might not be pottied at all, or 2) Your caretaker might offer the potty, but still have as many or more misses than you have during the work day, simply because they're not as in tune with your little one.

Recognizing and coming to terms with the fact that there will be misses (lots of them, probably) can really take the pressure off and help you do what you can, but not stress too much. So, be grateful you can meet the needs of your baby some of the time, even if it's not perfect.

You, as the parent, decide when you will offer pottytunities during the work day. Perhaps you only choose to potty upon waking - that's okay! Maybe you set a timer for your baby's natural timing, and offer only at those intervals - that works too. :) Or, if you wear your baby while working, you could offer when baby wiggles to get out. I tend to offer on wakeup and based on natural timing, as well as immediately before zoom calls (if we are within several minutes of the natural timing range).

You could incorporate all these options into your routine, or swap out or add other times and situations that work for you. But the fact of the matter is, you probably can't be present and focused on both work and your baby to be equally on par with your EC practice on the days you are off.

But, the positive side of this situation is that your absorption in other tasks will eliminate the tendency to hyper focus on your baby's pottying needs, and minimize the possibility of over offering the potty - which COULD prevent a possible potty pause. :) So offer when you can and when you choose to, but don't stress about when you can't.

Depending on your baby's age, different backups might work better for while you're working from home.

When my baby was in the newborn stage, we used cloth diapers since they were more economical for our increased daily diaper usage. We just kept those diapers handy for the frequent misses, since we pottied primarily after waking and nursing, or an undeniable signal.

Around 6 months, life's circumstances made disposables a better option at the time - and that yellow or blue line makes it SO easy to tell if baby is wet or dry. Our success rate actually increased when we switched to disposables because 1) she signaled better in them, and 2) using the yellow or blue line as an observation tool helped me become more in tune with her natural timing.

At 10 months, we switched to tiny trainers. This was one area I was not willing to lower expectations despite the challenge of working - we knew she was ready for them, and diaper changes were becoming a nightmare. These definitely helped me be even more in tune with my baby's timing and signals, and generally improved our EC practice, but created a teeny bit more stress around misses. More on that in tip number five.

Some days are more stressful than others, and I have definitely reverted to diaper backups on some days when I ran out of clean laundry, or simply didn't have the energy for the extra clothing changes. I continued to offer at the appropriate times, but it allowed me to worry less about a miss.

The backup that is right for you may be totally different based on your circumstances, your personality, your baby, your work, and countless other factors. Each backup has its own benefits. Simply do what works for you.

You might keep a top hat potty under your desk, or maybe have a minipotty in the room with you.

I chose to keep my potty in the bathroom, since it is right around the corner from my work space, so that worked well for us.

Having all your potty, backup, and cleanup supplies handy is so critical to the ease of your EC practice. Our set up involves easy access to wipes, spare pants, clean backups, and a place for dirty backups to go, and our minipotty and seat reducer set in position - all ready for a super speedy clean up or pottytunity.

If you decide to make the jump, like we did, to using training pants, be sure you can handle the misses, while still balancing work in the picture. Be sure the floor is miss-friendly - we covered our office space with connecting foam mats to safeguard the carpet, and let baby play there or on the wood floors in the living room.

If there's a miss, and I can't leave work to get baby to the appropriate place for changing and clean up, I pull off the wet trainers and pants, wipe off her bum and the teeny bit of residue on the floor with the dry part of her pants, and let her roam bare bum or throw a new pair of trainers on until I can do a better clean up job.

We sometimes will use diaper covers or Tiny Ups to reduce that stress, but it makes it easier to overlook a miss and be less aware of when baby is wet, so I generally try to create an environment where a miss is easy to clean up instead.

Poop misses in training pants are a whole lot less fun.... so protect your sanity by avoiding these as best as possible. After two....three maybe?....poops in training pants, I had to compromise my commitment to the trainers. I diapered for the first half hour of the day, when my morning pooper was most likely to go, if she hadn't gone upon waking, and I was stuck on a zoom call, unable to take her. Still messy, still not fun....but at least it was (usually) contained and not smeared on the floor, and there were no poopy trainers to wash later.

It can be so easy to lose track of time when you're focusing on work projects. You might start to wonder, "Did I potty baby 15 minutes ago....or was that 45 minutes...?" A simple click in an app might help you keep better tabs on how often baby needs to pee, or a timer set for a couple minutes before baby's natural timing during awake periods that gets restarted after every pee, might make it easier to keep track of when to offer.

I personally love the "Baby Tracker" app - I use it to track poops (since they don't happen every day, so I know when to anticipate them), and for whenever I do an observation day. What I love most is that all it requires is two simple clicks, and it records the type of elimination, date, time, and interval since the last one. SO incredibly helpful, especially for the busy work-from-home parent.

NOTE: Andrea will be coming out with her own EC logging app soon, and will share about it here and on our newsletter...so stay tuned!!

It may not improve your EC success rate at first, but it will help you focus better on work projects. The benefit of working from home is that you can recognize your baby's signals and timing and help your babysitter to pick up on them more quickly than if she was totally on her own. And, you can be more involved in modeling pottytunities, or pottying your baby yourself if you prefer. And eventually, your caregiver will likely come to know those signals and get into the rhythm as well, helping your baby become more adaptable by pottying for other people.

When we hired a babysitter to come watch our little one in our home during my work times, I quickly realized that my baby was not at all interested in pottying for her, despite good timing and implementation of our potty routine on our babysitter's part.

So for the first month, we adapted- our sitter would bring baby to me when she noticed signs of needing to potty (i.e. trying to escape, or crawling to find mama), when baby woke up, or when baby was showing signs of wanting to nurse. I would nurse (if needed), potty, and then return baby to her. Misses, she would handle herself - she would sit baby on the seat reducer (and yes - she cried a little - but she was learning too - we use the potty) while rinsing the wet trainers, and then put on a fresh pair.

And then, several weeks later, our baby started to cooperate with our sitter, and would pee for her without any assistance from me. I'm not sure what clicked- if she just needed time to grow in trust, or the consistency of our sitter setting her on the potty when cleaning up misses paid off, or if she simply got used to being in a different room than me and having her needs met by someone else.... but we finally had success, without the need for me to step in, which freed up more time to focus on my work, AND kept our EC practice moving in the right direction.

If you choose to go this route - remember to be patient with your caregiver, just like you promised to lower expectations and be patient with yourself in tip #1.

A couple other notes:

The shirt I used for this post turned out to be a tiny bit short. We saw a lot of our baby's belly button that evening - oops! The onesie from my first try seemed a little bit longer, and covered her appropriately like a regular shirt. So this t-shirt will probably be used exclusively on top of dresses - to make our little Spring dresses more Fall-friendly.

It's held up well in the wash, and I'm so happy to finally be getting some use out of my favorite onesie again!

Definitely play around and see what works well for you - I hope this inspires you to give it a try!

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 11/10/20

The post Balancing Work, Life, + EC (guest post) appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

Q: How do you recommend keeping a young baby warm when starting EC in a cold winter climate? My baby is now 11 weeks old, and I use cloth diapers with her and cue her when she goes in them these days. I’ve been using baby legs and socks on her feet, but that still leaves an exposed area between the thighs and diaper, which makes her cold in my chilly home. Most baby clothes are onesies with too many snaps or zippers to be practical for frequent diaper checks and removals. I’m considering sewing a long fleece dress to cover the gap down to the baby legs (and maybe down to her toes), but that’s not practical to use in a Moby Wrap/Ergo where her legs split open, and a ring sling hurts my back. Thanks for any advice you have to help keep my baby warm while I EC. ~Anonymous, Ithaca, NY, USA

A: Hey Mama,

This is a great, and timely, question!

Thanks also to JM in Australia and Christine Dashiell of Corvallis, OR, USA, for their similar questions – parts of which are included below as well.

Now on to providing a clear answer….

My midwives taught me to always look at what I’m wearing at home or outside and to put one extra layer of clothing on a very young infant.

It’s also a good idea to spend a few extra bucks each month to keep the house warm and cozy.

Prepare yourself for indoor or outdoor cold weather EC by gathering the right easy-on and easy-off clothing (which I’ll get into below).

And remember, you don’t need to wait out the winter to begin ECing your baby. You can do it in the cold weather (Eskimos do – they keep the igloo warm and toss the pee out the door!).

Just like adults, adding wool and fleece articles of clothing in the colder months helps us keep snug. Add the same to baby’s wardrobe.

Elastic topped pants are a wonderful help if you’re slipping them on and off.

And, lastly, if you’re wrapping your naked baby in a blanket or soft towel, choose something soft and liquid repellant like Merino wool or fleece.

The highest on this list would be split crotch pants and chaps sets. You can make em or buy em.

Put your existing cloth diaper stash (or even disposables) to use OVER the above pants options to make ECing really easy…and warm.

Choose wool or fleece split crotch or chaps pants. Marija at ECWear has a great selection of USA-made products. Here is a pattern for split pants for babies.

How to use them? More below in the layering section.

For ECing, you’ll want to stay away from snappis, onesies, clothing that’s cute but not practical, tights, and one piece leggings (unless you cut the crotch out of them!).

Reason is that usually it’s more difficult to remove these types of clothing.

However, if they work fine for you, then go ahead and use em!

1. Dress your baby in long socks and legwarmers. I used Rock-a-Thigh Babies or Hank & JoJo’s long socks covered with BabyLeggings (use GDF16 to get 5 pair free, just pay shipping).

2. Put some split crotch or chaps pants over these (I suggest chaps because they have a wider opening and will keep the pants very dry). (I also just did #3 below and put footed elastic topped pants on top of the diaper back-up…your choice!)

3. Over the bottoms, fold a cloth prefold diaper into thirds or in half and either (a) put a diaper cover over this, or (b) hold the prefold in place with a wool or fleece diaper belt. (Grab some biodegradable diapers here.)

4. Dress your baby warmly up top with a long tshirt, gown, tiny sweater, whatever you feel is best.

5. Don’t forget the hat! Babies lose 80% of their heat thru their heads.

6. Keep baby close in the baby carrier when you’re out and about, or even in a cold home! Your body heat will do its work to keep baby very warm.

See my Gear page for my favorites of all the above items.

Babies are hardier than we seem to know or believe. If you have a hat on your baby, he will retain more heat no matter what the clothing set-up is (even through a short potty break).

Remember the hat and conserve 80% of her heat!

It sucks to sit on a cold toilet seat. Your baby will thank you if you invest in an inexpensive potty cozy (or make one yourself).

It’s really worth it, for you and your baby, to keep your home warmer than you would if you didn’t have her sweet self in there with you.

Turn it on, temporarily, or get a space heater to help you all relax, play better, sleep better, and potty better during this fleeting, short-lived stage of “babyhood.”

If you tell your baby to “wait” while you remove her clothing, she’ll hold it. Even at 4 weeks’ age.

Usually, with a 4 week old you’ve got about 30 seconds, with a 4 month old more like a minute, and with a 9 month old, you’ve got about 90 seconds.

As they age, you get more lead time!

But don’t underestimate their ability to control their sphincter muscles…they ARE born with that ability, no matter what doctors and pediatricians say.

My #1 proof for that is that my own son started holding his pee at 2 weeks old. Not for too long, but long *enough.*

When we were out in nature during cold months (even all night camping in 40 degree weather!), we used either the looser footie pants over layers of socks and legwarmers or a split-crotch/chaps style pant with the diaper and cover over that, plus plenty of clothing up top, hats, and even little leather Bobux shoes.

See layering above for those options and choose whichever works BEST for you.

If you must potty in nature when it’s cold, use the Squatting while Holding Baby in Classic EC Position. Your baby will be shielded from the wind by your thighs!

Also, use the potty in the car or use public restrooms when possible. Your baby will thank you for the extra warmth.

You may use the top hat potty with a potty cozy as well (I highly recommend keeping this in your car, and by the bedside for nighttime pottying).

Again, you can check out all the gear and great sources for it (mostly WAHMs like myself) here on my Elimination Communication Gear page.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 10/27/20

The post Dressing baby for cold weather pottying appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

I usually define an elimination communication signal as the baby doing something that the parent notices and offers the potty around, usually resulting in a catch.

Signals are one of the four roads to potty time based on what I teach, one of the frameworks in my book:

Baby signals. Often people think, "Well, I can't do EC because my baby doesn't signal at all," but they could be showing signs that they need to go to the bathroom. I do consider signs to be signals. It can get really confusing.

Someone recently mentioned that some signals are actually signs and it got me thinking, so let's define both of those now and talk about whether it matters. I'm going to give you examples of both of them and, most importantly, we're going to talk about how they can help you potty your baby with more success today.

Signs that baby needs to potty - defined

First of all, signs. Your baby shows a sign that they need to go. This is body language, a mood shift, or something that indicates that it's time to potty.

Signals that baby needs to potty - defined

A signal is more looking to you directly and communicating that they need to go to the potty and need help, or looking to you directly while giving an obvious sign. That's a hybrid sign and signal.

Signals are direct communication and signs are things that you notice that are already happening.

Sign examples

As far as signs, here are some examples:

Signals Examples

Signals are more like:

There's an attempt at directly communicating with signals.

A lot of parents will give up on EC before they really even start because they don't see any signals. They don't see their child looking directly at them and communicating about it. Usually, they're starting with a mobile baby or a toddler who is on to bigger and better things at this point.

I highly encourage you, if you think that you don't have a child who signals, to also expand your horizons to include the signs above. I have a download of the four roads to potty time*, which basically gives you a list of all the possible signals including signs.

So, is it signs or signals?

I consider all the signs and all the signals I just mentioned plus everything else that I've learned over my five babies and the hundreds of thousands of you as “signals.” I'm going to call them all signals and keep it really simple.

The takeaway is that any sign or signal counts. It's all communication whether it's direct or indirect. It doesn't matter what you call it - don't overthink it.

It's all communication whether it's direct to you, indirect and you're just picking up on it, subtle, intense, verbal, non-verbal - all of it counts as information, like, “I'm going to go potty my baby right now because they're definitely telling me something,”

Babies are always giving signs that they need to pee, sleep, or eat

Some people think their baby doesn't signal but babies are always giving signs. Babies are giving signs about things all the time if you can just learn how to read them, which I can definitely help you inside my book .

Babies will also start to signal directly to you once you pick up on their signs and you start to teach them how to signal.

You can look at episode 47 of this podcast, read it, listen to it, watch the video to teach your baby how to signal.

Episode 27 is about signals, stopping, starting, and changing - when they shift and what to do about it.

Then, episode 80 is “what do you do if you find no signals and no patterns during observation time?” what do you do then?

Doing EC with zero signals

By the way, you can totally do EC with the other three roads to potty time - natural timing, common transition times, and intuition - without any signals ever.

But, what I'm trying to tell you today is that your baby is always giving some sort of sign about their state and their energy and everything else.

The best way to connect to those is to put your baby in a Beco Gemini baby carrier. The Beco is amazing - you can use it with an absolute newborn with no insert or anything.

Walk around, be with your baby that close for several hours every day, and you will get a lot better in touch with signals and signs - first signs, probably.

Signs eventually turn into signals

Then those signs turn into signals, and then you're looking at each other and when they give you that sign and they pass gas and you look at them and you go, "Hey, do you need to go to the bathroom?"

And then this communication loop starts to form. It's a beautiful thing, I highly recommend it, don't give up. If this is you: "I see no signals!" - that's totally fine.

Hopefully today's episode has helped you a little bit. Definitely watch one of the other three podcast episodes (listed above) to learn even more about signals.

I also have a YouTube video about signals called Signals 101 - definitely look at that video as well and download the PDF so that you can see all the examples of signals and signs.

If anybody ever says, "Well, they're not actually signaling to you because that's just a sign," I say, “It's the same thing, I'll take it.”

Whatever it is - we're going to work with that.

It's good information, we offer the potty. If it works, great, we note that in our head. If it doesn't work, great, we note that in our head - constant learning. EC is a beautiful thing.

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 10/20/20

The post Signs vs. signals in elimination communication appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

This post was originally posted on November 20, 2018, and has been fully updated on May 12, 2026 to include an audio (Podcast) version, a video (YouTube) version, and to include some basic updates. Enjoy! xx Andrea

If you want to watch me record today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

Separation anxiety in little babies: the struggle is real! How does it affect elimination communication, and what do we do about baby’s separation anxiety related to potty time?

Today I’m going to answer that specific question from one of our community members:

Q: We used to have a guaranteed catch whenever Unya woke up in the morning or after a long nap, but now she is almost 9 months old and separation anxiety is in full swing. For the past few weeks she often gets upset if we try to put her down on the potty, and then she pees on the floor as soon as one of us picks her up. We’ve tried holding her over the sink so that she’s not separated, but that doesn’t seem to work much better. Any ideas on how to get the morning pee in the potty or the sink instead of on the floor (or on mommy or daddy)? ~Jeremy, Thailand

A: Hey Jeremy! Thanks for asking this question. I can, unfortunately, totally relate to this phenomenon.

Luckily, there are some things you can do to get through this without negatively affecting your EC practice. Here we go….

I say this tentatively because I want to stress that this is not a permanent fix…but the first thing you’ll want to try is to continue using the in-arms hold in locations where it still works.

For us, we pottied our son outside (thankfully, in summertime), in-arms, for several weeks during his major separation anxiety period. I’ve also worked with several parents who’ve done the same, as a temporary fix, and it’s worked wonders.

There are many reasons why this probably works as a temp fix. First off, a baby in an indigenous tribe would already be potty independent at 9 months old. That is, he would be crawling off to the ole pottying pit, outdoors, and doing his business solo. No pants in the way, just a loin cloth (if that).

Secondly, the outdoors are the prime distraction for babies. You all know what I mean by this. Mother Nature is always a great “auntie” to turn to when your baby is fussy and there seems like no consolation is possible. The warm sun, soft breeze, animals and plants…they definitely cause relaxation.

However, remembering that this is temporary, realize this pottying choice will have to shift. I think that when the time comes, you’ll know (for example, you’ll say to your wife “If I have to pee him outside one more time, I think I’ll go nuts.”).

Then, transition with confidence (see my podcast episode on transitioning from in-arms pottying to the mini potty).

Many a parent have found that, with this newfound ability to resist things in her life, the opportunity for disciplining a child has begun.

What?! you say. Discipline a 9 month old?!

Yes, I know it may sound strange, but in cultures all over the world, including our own Western ones, many families begin disciplining their babies at an early age, and it pays off.

So, with regards to pottying, you can reassure your baby “I’m right here” and hold her on the potty with a hug (if she’s cuddly) or a hand (see below). She may not like it at first, but many babies will eventually relax (which is the goal here) and will release their pee.

Here’s an example of what you might do (from an anonymous parent):

So my 6-mo has decided that he doesn’t really need to sit when he goes potty…. He doesn’t want to pee standing up or anything, he has just become very clingy all of a sudden and wants to hold on to me rather than sit to pee. So I ask him to please sit, telling him the potty is for sitting and placing my hand against his pelvis to encourage him. After a minute of not-really-unhappy resistance on his part, he’ll usually sit and pee. And if he does have to pee, he’ll sit just in time, almost every time (so far), and seem relieved and not stressed anymore. If he continues to resist, I take him off, though, and figure that I misread his signals. Occasionally he will pee after he’s off the potty, but not often. He holds on to me for dear life, as if I’m going to leave him, but I have never left him on the potty — I always hold him, at least his hand. He only does this with pottying. I think I need a potty cozy for the living room potty. I’ve had one on the BR one b/c we use that for early morning times when he’s all warm and sleepy, but I haven’t put one on any of the other potties b/c they’ve never bothered him until now, since it’s been warm. But when I picked him up from it just now, his bottom felt colder than his back. The house is definitely cooler than it was a few days ago.

I thought it might help folks to kind of see my thought process in this problem, to see how I try to figure out what’s going on. Once I get the cozy made, I’ll let you all know whether I’m right in my diagnosis. :)

Note: If your baby simply doesn’t have to go (you’ve misguessed), then don’t force her to stay on the potty. I’m suggesting a gentle, physical encouragement to demonstrate your expectations.

Just remember – it’s totally okay to teach “we sit on the potty when we need to pee.” In fact, it’s your job.

Like the woman above described, she figured the potty seat might be too cold for her son, and that this was making him cling to her.

If you don’t already have one, I suggest trying this as an easy fix for a baby who just won’t relax/is clingy/won’t sit/won’t be held. Here’s more about potty cozies and how to make your own.

Talk less. Sign less.

Do it and move on.

Kinda like changing your baby’s clothes.

Take charge, even.

With confidence.

Have a “diffuse awareness” around pottying (in other words, without embellishment, hyper-focus, or any sign of fear, even if you’re feeling it). Don’t make it the focus of your day.

You’ve got the tools. Use them.

And move on back to what you were just doing! (Which was way more fun that pottying, right?)

Your baby is now 9 months old. She no longer pees or poos at the frequency she did when she was a newborn (if she does suddenly return to that frequency at some point, you might want to look into that).

So, you should consciously reduce the number of pottytunities you offer throughout the day.

Some of the separation anxiety could be stemming from her growing desire for independence, and you, at the same time.

So laying off + reducing the # of opps would have a positive effect in this case.

Don’t react to a 9 month old like you do a newborn…in all aspects of parenting.

You don’t have to be the immediate-responder all the time, always on high-alert.

While she’s having her separation anxiety about pottying, and you’re getting creative on how to get her to sit or be held, remember that she’s tougher than she used to be.

“You’re okay. Do this with me and we can move on.” With confidence and reassurance, at the level of a 9 month old, not a newborn.

When she doesn’t want to be held over the sink and she gets off after you put her down on the potty, you could try the toilet seat reducer.

And then because she’s 9 months old and she could sit very well by now, you can leave the room and pretend that you forgot something and come back in or you can turn your back and ignore her a little while and see if that helps her to feel that privacy that she might be wanting right now - that might come across as separation anxiety - like:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 05/12/26

The post Separation Anxiety appeared first on Go Diaper Free.

I stopped breastfeeding forever two weeks ago. Today I’m sharing how it feels to have breastfed all 5 of my babies over the course of 10 years, what has happened, how I’ve weaned, and what I’ve learned along the way. (Plus how elimination communication + breastfeeding have been the MAGIC KEYS to my new mom confidence.)

(This is a straight transcript of the improvised talk I did on my podcast, so please disregard any improper grammar.) :)

I've basically been breastfeeding for 10 years you guys. It's been crazy. In the beginning, I just knew I wanted to. I always knew I was going to nurse my babies. I always knew I was going to at least try - because I know a lot of women aren't able to, including some of my friends. But once I had my first baby, I had zero problems. I've had an oversupply with every single one of them and I've been really, really blessed with being able to breastfeed each of them as long as I want to.

For my first one, I breastfed him for two years - pretty much every two hours, 24/7 for two years. By the end of that, I was kind of a wreck, to be honest. I really wanted to stop breastfeeding him at about 17 months when he started ripping my bras to get to my nanas (which is what we call them). Just to be honest, I felt guilty about that. I felt guilty about wanting to stop and wanting to have my body and my energy back and to have boundaries between me and him, healthy boundaries.

I've definitely learned a lot with the last four babies since him, but with him, I felt guilty. So, I didn't. I stuck with it. What it caused was a lot of anxiety between us because I think he could tell that I was ambivalent and he could tell that I did it. And I willingly did it, but I was also like, I kind of don't like this ripping my shirt off thing. I don't know if you've had that experience, but especially in public, you're just like, "Okay, I don't want everybody to see my breasts every day."

For him, I did abrupt weaning. I read about it first because I was like, "Okay, gradually doing it for me isn't working." I tell him we can't have them right now because of the time of day, or whatever and he wasn't going to take that. He's like, "No, I want them all the time," because there's no reason not to.

To have a very clear ending with my first was a really good idea. I learned about that through the Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning. It's kind of an older book that a friend of mine gave to me. I found out that other indigenous cultures will often use a diaper backup, if anything at all, for a lot less time. Then they breastfeed for a lot longer than we do in America, where we're the opposite. We have kids in diapers till three and we only breastfeed for six weeks or six months. They only use a backup diaper for six weeks or six months, then they will breastfeed for three years - quite the opposite. That's a generalization, but you know what I mean? It's just a very different reality.

Anyway, I found out that they would put things like mustard seed on their nipples, something really spicy like jalapeno, something that the baby's like, "Ooh, I don't like it. It doesn't taste good." We want to deter them from wanting it, right? Then that kind of displaces the responsibility of, "Okay, it's not my mom who's telling me no and stop. It's actually that they just don't taste good all of a sudden and I'm not really sure why, but okay, I'll move on to other things." It's a really nice way of displacing that and not making it a power struggle, if that makes sense. You can learn more in that book, but to move on, that worked.

Within three days, we were done with him checking. But really, instantly, we were done. There was no anxiety, there were no tears. I had a few tears because I was a little bit sad about it, but to be honest, it was just really clear communication for him that this is over and you're a big boy now. He'd say, "I want nanas," and I'd say, "Okay, go ahead and try them." I'd already put the grapefruit seed extract on my nipple before, right when I woke up, and he didn't see me put it on there. He'd asked for them, and then he'd taste and he'd go, "Ooh, that doesn't ... That tastes yucky." And I said, "Oh, that must be because you're a big boy now. They're really only for babies and you're such a big boy." At the same time, we also moved him to his own bed. There were a lot of very clear rituals for ending babyhood and entering toddlerhood - big boyhood. That's my longest story to share.

With Isadora, I actually had postpartum depression and I was taking Celexa (just to be completely transparent) until she was about 18 months old. (When I became pregnant with Cooper, I stopped.) They say Celexa doesn't pass through the milk to her, and she acted normal, just the same before and after. But, I feel like that's the reason why she just kind of self-weaned at 11 months. She didn't really want them anymore and there's a little bit of self-blame that I have, but that got me through that period. It was a very dark period of my life and very, very hard. I'd had undiagnosed postpartum depression for three years and had no idea. I just wasn't myself. It was really edgy and that helped me. Then I got off of the Celexa, no problems.

Then I had Cooper in an unassisted birth. While I was pregnant with Cooper (luckily I wasn't also breastfeeding Isadora), but when I was breastfeeding Cooper, I got pregnant with Branson.

When Cooper was about 13 months old, I remember how sore my nipples were from breastfeeding Cooper while being very newly pregnant with Branson. One night I was nursing him to bed and I just screamed. It hurt so bad. I didn't mean to scream but it was an "Ohhhhh" kind of a mommy scream, and Cooper started crying. David came into the room and he asked, "Are you okay? What's going on?" And I said, "It just hurts so bad. My nipples are so sore because I'm pregnant," and he said, "I'll put him to bed," and I didn't nurse Cooper again. That was 13 months old, which is a good long time and I should be patting myself on the back. Yay, good job, mama. I would pat you on the back for that, but I felt guilty again. I definitely felt guilty - like I could've, should've, would've done more if I could, but it was literally excruciating pain, like nothing I'd ever felt before.

With my fifth one, Twyla, we just recently kind of stopped and she's almost two. Just to share a tiny bit from that story - I was nursing her back to sleep all night and it was waking me up two or three times a night. After 10 years of being woken up two or three times a night, I was like, "I'm good, I can't do this anymore. David, I'm going to go nuts. You've got to help me." He started waking up with her, bless him. He'd wake up with her in the middle of the night, put her paci back in, and potty her if she wouldn't settle back to sleep right away.

That not only helped her become dry all night, not because of the fluid coming in, but because she just started to connect her sleep cycles and really sleep through the night solidly. Because of that, she was dry all night in the diaper backup at 16 months. Then at 17 months, we just stopped using diapers at night and she's been great. Knock on wood, she's doing great.

With Twyla, I'd breastfed on demand. I also work three hours a day from home and have a couple of hours of help otherwise, because there's a lot to manage here and my husband works all the time. I have help maybe between three and five hours a day, which I'm very grateful for because in the beginning, I did not have any help at all. I think that's why I had postpartum depression, I didn't have any help.

Coming back to Twyla - we co-slept for four months, then I put her in her own crib, and then I'd feed her. Every time she woke up, I would potty her, then feed her, nurse her, and then start our day. Then the first fuss after breastfeeding, I would potty her again. That's just our routine, our cycle.

Over time, it turned out that I would feed her before or after her nap in the morning, when she woke up after her nap, and then at night when I put her to bed. As her naps extended and there were less of them during the day, she naturally started to just choose not to nurse at certain times. This is also along with solids, and I think that's something to do with baby led weaning - when they start salivating and grabbing at your food and you start giving them solids, it's just a gradual weaning. That's exactly what our experience was. You can look more into baby led weaning if you're interested. With her, I didn't have to, and with all the others I didn't have to do any kind of abrupt weaning.

I didn't talk about ending with Branson. I stopped nursing Branson at about 16 months because I was pregnant with Twyla, and I was just about to have her. I was like, "I don't really want to tandem nurse." I don't feel guilty about that. I commend those of you who have tandem nursed - that's nursing two babies at once. I was just like, "He's losing interest." Actually, he was 18 months. "He's losing interest so I'm just not going to push it. And my milk's about to change, and I really want to preserve that for the baby or reserve that for the baby." I just kind of said, "No, we're not having them anymore," and he was fine. It was really, really easy because of his temperament.

Okay, back to Twyla’s gradual baby led weaning. We were just doing nursing first thing in the morning and we'd lay there together for 30 minutes to just nurse. This was from about maybe 17 to 22 months. It was beautiful this time when we could just bond and lay there and nurse together. Then she just would do a little bit and just stop and be like, "Other one." And then do the other one for a little bit and then stop. She started to stop wanting it.

Then nursing her at night, she started to just sort of dive into her crib. She didn't want me to rock her or nurse her or anything. She just wanted to go to bed. I followed her lead with that. I was like, "Cool because that's kind of where I'm at too. Great. It's been a long 10 years of nursing. I'm good." It was a little bit bittersweet, but I asked her one of the last days. I said, "Is this the last time we're ever going to have nanas?" And she goes, "Yeah." And I trust her and all my children to communicate. I want to ask them questions. I just trusted that as her answer. Then I think the next night I asked her, "Hey, you want nanas before bed?" And she goes, "No," and she just went off to play. And so that was it.

Then we had thrush, she had thrush for about a week. I really felt like emotionally, I really wanted to nurse her. I don't know if any of you have felt this way, but I was just like, "Gosh, I really want that connection back." I'd still had milk. I checked, I squeezed, and I still had milk but thrush can be passed between each other so I cleared up the thrush with the doctor's help. I tried natural remedies and then I was like, "Okay, she's in so much pain." Thrush is when you get candida in your mouth and she just couldn't, it was hard to eat. She just wasn't feeling well. She didn't have a fever, but she was definitely miserable.

That said, that week kind of what was a blessing in disguise. It helped me to stick with my decision. At 22 months we were weaned. She did try again after that week of thrush. She was like, "I want nanas." She'd start to open my shirt, which you know is like, "Boundaries girl. Okay, let's do it." She'd suckle and nothing came out and it hurt me. She just kind of gave up and walked away. She tried again the next day and then that's it.

My three-year-old sometimes comes up and he's like, "I want nanas too." They'll open it up and look at them - I let them look at my body because I feel like it's a normal thing for me. I mean, we walk around naked most of the summer inside our house or outside our house. We have a lot of property so we're like, "Yeah, whatever. Bodies are bodies. These are bodies." But I don't let them try to nurse when I have milk because I feel like, "I know you're done and it's baby's turn, this is baby's milk." Now that I have no milk, I'm happy to report my boobs are about the same size as they were before I had kids. My nipples are very different, but that's okay. I took one for the team. It was worth it and I think it's amazing.

Can we just take a moment to marvel at the beautiful creation that our bodies are, that my breasts can create exactly the food that my baby needs at that moment in her or his development, in that moment in time of their wellness or illness that we are so synced up between our breasts and our baby's mouths?

For those of you who are blessed to be able to nurse or are pumping and bottle feeding (like my friend who just had twins), let’s just take a moment right now and be grateful for our breasts. Yay, nanas!

That's all I wanted to share today. If you want to check out that resource on weaning, feel free. They also talk about gradual weaning in there. I know there are lots of different opinions, and I'd love to now hear yours. Leave a comment down below and let me know:

Because we all have mixed emotions about it. There's guilt, there's blame, there's shame, there's just ambivalence, there's also clarity, and boundaries, and wanting our own bodies back, but also wanting to nurture our babies. All of that is totally okay and welcome. In those comments, feel free to write there and we can support each other.

I hope you enjoyed learning about that and just thanks for listening to my story. I'm a little bit sad. My husband has done “the clip” so we are done having babies and I am a little bit sad that I'll never breastfeed again because that means I'm onto the next phase in life, which is nurturing these babies in other ways, homeschooling, and being there for them.

I just want to add that breastfeeding the way I've been able to and doing EC the way I've been able to have both been very clear choices that I've prioritized with each baby. I feel like both of them have made me a better, more confident mother in everything. My kids are thriving and I feel like it’s because of both of those things - EC and breastfeeding (or nurturing through nutrition, whatever that ends up being for you if you didn't breastfeed. I don't want this to make you feel guilty if you weren't able to breastfeed. I just want to share my story - I think with everybody's stories, we all learn something from our stories, right?).

Hopefully this episode has helped one of you and we can connect down at the comments, but what goes in and what comes out nursing, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and then what comes out EC are two ways to definitely build confidence in parenting and being a new mom. It's very special.

Thanks for sharing this with me, and until next time, happy potting y'all.

xx Andrea

If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

xx Andrea

Disclosure Note: As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from purchases made through the links on this page.

This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 10/6/20

The post I’ve stopped breastfeeding…forever appeared first on Go Diaper Free.