Satan returns with field correspondents Abaddon and Mammon to dissect a week where the administration achieved the rare trifecta of war crimes, corruption, and racism before Tuesday’s lunch break. Abaddon covers Pete Hegseth’s Caribbean shooting gallery, where 80-plus people are dead, survivors were targeted in the water, and the Pentagon can’t explain who they’re killing. Meanwhile, Trump held a secret Oval Office war council on Venezuela because the cover story is drugs but the reality is oil. Abaddon breaks down the three-step playbook: create the crisis, justify escalation, carve up the prize.

Mammon follows the money from Moscow to Miami, where Kushner and Witkoff spent five hours with Putin, accomplished nothing, and somehow Lukoil sanctions got lifted two days later. Ukraine got summoned to a Florida luxury club for an ultimatum disguised as negotiation while the Trump crypto empire hemorrhages billions. Satan opens with Trump’s racist tirade calling Somalis “garbage” on live television because of a shooting committed by an Afghan, and closes with the discovery that AI safety systems can be defeated by poetry. When Italian researchers lock away haikus as “too dangerous” while the administration broadcasts war crimes on Signal, you know the guardrails on reality itself have failed.

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