IS HE DEAD YET? WHEN PROOF OF LIFE MEANS DEALING DEATH

In this week's apocalyptic episode of The Dark Lord's Dispatch, Satan grapples with America's new national question: "Is he dead yet?" While 200,000 social media posts debate whether Trump is literally deceased, the possibly-corpse orchestrates a masterclass in DARVO (Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender) that makes Hell's entire manipulation curriculum obsolete. The Prince of Darkness chronicles his professional humiliation as Trump uses F-35 fighter jets to drown out Epstein survivors' testimony, strips Kamala Harris's Secret Service protection before her book tour, and murders eleven Venezuelans without trial—all while posting week-old golf photos as "proof of life."

Our demonic correspondents dissect this Schrödinger's Fascist phenomenon: Lilith exposes toxic masculinity's death rattle through four acts of state violence against women and minorities, from the September 3rd flyover to Texas's new $100,000 abortion bounty system. Nyarlathotep analyzes the quantum propaganda state where Trump simultaneously exists as decomposing on Twitter and dealing death in reality. Satan ultimately confesses that using military hardware for gaslighting while everyone thinks you're dead represents an innovation in evil he never imagined. The episode's haunting conclusion: America's too busy asking "is he dead yet?" to notice their possibly-dying president is using his potentially final heartbeats to stop other people's hearts.

Listen in, if you dare…

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