In this week's scorching episode of The Dark Lord's Dispatch, Satan experiences a full-blown existential crisis after overhearing his own demons calling him "soft" compared to the Trump administration. The Prince of Darkness chronicles his professional humiliation as incompetent fascists achieve more evil through sheer stupidity than he managed through millennia of careful corruption. From Tulsi Gabbard doxxing CIA officers on Twitter to ICE arresting firefighters during actual wildfires, Satan watches in horror as these "crash of rhinoceroses" destroy American democracy with all the artistry of a drunk teenager with daddy's credit card.

Our demonic correspondents Abaddon and Leviathan attempt to console their boss while documenting the week's incompetent evil: FEMA staff purged during hurricane season, CDC professionals walking out in protest, churches forced to check papers before feeding the hungry (courtesy of Stephen "Vampire's Accountant" Miller), and the Air Force giving military honors to January 6th insurrectionists while they try to prosecute sandwich-throwing protestors. Satan ultimately admits that yes, Trump's administration has out-eviled Hell itself—but at least Hell maintains professional standards.

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