BREAKING: HUMANS RACING TOWARD FASCISM WHILE THEIR SPIRITUAL ADVISOR RAPES CHILDREN

This week’s Dark Lord’s Dispatch finds Satan in absolute disbelief as humans achieve new depths of incompetent evil that make Hell look like amateur hour. While Trump deploys troops to Portland to fight terrorists that don’t exist and declares actual war on drug boats (killing 31 people without trials), his bug-eyed FBI director Kash Patel fires a decorated agent for displaying a Pride flag. Meanwhile, 800 top military leaders get summoned from around the world to Quantico just to hear Trump ramble about using American cities as “training grounds” and watch Pete Hegseth tell them they’re too fat and too woke for his new “War Department.”

The episode reaches peak darkness when Lilith tears into Trump’s spiritual advisor Robert Morris, who just pleaded guilty to five counts of child rape but got only six months in jail for destroying a 12-year-old girl’s life starting on Christmas night 1982. Satan’s demons provide their unfiltered analysis of this cascade of fascist fuckery before the Prince of Darkness himself explains how humans are building Hell through Microsoft Outlook and administrative incompetence. The episode closes with a chilling message from Mussolini in Hell, warning Trump about what happens to fascists: “One day you’re Il Duce, the next you’re a human pee-piñata.”

🎧 Listen if you dare…

Satan thanks you for listening to the Dark Lord’s Dispatch podcast! This podcast is public so feel free to share it with other worthless souls.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit authordanielpdouglas.substack.com