Ceri Wheeldon of Fab after Fifty talks to coach and therapist Marie Fraser, who works with women to help rebuild their lives following divorce. This is the first in a series of interviews. 

Marie talks about why it is so important to understand what you like and want in life as you transition from being part of a couple to being single. 

Why it is important to let go of your past life and plans as a couple.

How to identify new interests and passions.

Letting go of past routines and habits.

Setting your own goals and living your own dreams

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Full Episode Transcript

Fab after Fifty Podcast with Marie Fraser: Divorce over 50 getting to know yourself

[00:00:01] I'm Ceri Wheeldon. Welcome to the Fab after Fifty podcast. Leading the pro-age conversation, talking about all things life after 50.

 

[00:00:17] Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Fab after Fifty podcast. I'm really delighted today to have with me as my guest. Marie Fraser. Marie is a therapist and coach who supports and guides women in rebuilding their lives following divorce and breakups. Hello Marie and welcome to Fab after Fifty.

 

[00:00:33] Hi, Ceri. Thanks for inviting me. It's a pleasure to be here.

 

[00:00:38] Now, as my guest today,  I'm thrilled to have you on this particular show. We're going to be doing a series of episodes, aren't we, on on divorce and breakup and rebuilding your life. And you're also going to be a regular contributor to Fab after Fifty. So I'm delighted that the listeners and readers can get to know you a little bit better now. So what are we going to be talking about on this episode?

 

[00:01:02] I thought it would be a good idea to talk about getting to know yourself following a breakup because we can after so many years in a relationship, lose our identity because we have various roles in the relationship. And all of a sudden when when you are alone  following the breakup, you can lose the sense of who you are. I mean, I remember myself personally thinking, oh, my God. Where did that 24 year old go? And it you know, I wasn't that obviously the same person I was at 24. But because I, from my personal situation, was in a relationship which was very dominated by my ex-husband.  I followed along more or less with what he he wanted, you know, it was his friends, what he said, et cetera, et cetera. And I just didn't know who I was, what I wanted and where I wanted to be and where I wanted to go, where I could see the next part of my life going. And so that was a huge shock for me personally.

 

[00:02:21] I mean, I'm sure lots of women in their 50s who've been in a long relationship and have split up. I've had similar experiences. And, you know, it can be quite difficult to actually, I think, look to the future because it makes you uncertain of where your next part of your life is going. Does that make sense? Oh, absolutely.

 

[00:02:48] Because, I mean, there are more and more women out there who are getting divorced in the 50s, but it's their choice or their partner's choice or indeed now even later in their 60s, silver divorces  are on the rise. I've also gone through a divorce in my 50s so we're both speaking from personal experience here as well, aren't we?

 

[00:03:07] Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah.

 

[00:03:09] And like you say, it's very difficult to get used to thinking, okay, so who am I now? Because like you, I was in a relationship which was fair to say my interests were very contained within that relationship, to put it lightly, where we only really did the things that were on his list. And all of a sudden you have the opportunity to do things that are on your list and you think, well, what do I want on that list now?

 

[00:03:33] Exactly. And it seems a crazy thing, but nothing immediately comes to mind because you've been in this relationship where because of the repetition of being side lined from, you know, for the ex  partners interests. You really do forget, actually, what is it that I want to do? W