RealzTenisFanz Sorting Hat Song

Oh you may think that we are petty,

But do judge us on what you’ll hear.

For I have no doubt you’ll find

A better tennis podcast here or there

 

You can keep the other podcasts.

Your ESPN, Tennis Channel or illegal streams

For none of them can boast

Of ever having Realz, Janina or Andreen

 

We break it down like no other,

Giving you all the tea and drama.

When the others bow to sponsors

We just say hellz no with that bullshit matter

 

So another live podcast for you Realz Fanz,

Which as always will make you splutter.

For the theme of this major’s draw livecast

Is none other than Harry Potter.

 

We will divide up your faves by Houses,

Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff Gryffindors.

But yall know some can’t be sorted

As they are really silly, duds and bores

 

There will be trolls, goblins and giants

Not forgetting house elves too like Dobby

But since they were modelled after slaves you see

We will not/cannot pick anybody

 

Is Divadal Gryffindor as Murray plays Hufflepuff?

Will Novak be Slytherin to Roger refulgent Ravenclaw?

Who will take Garbina, Caro, Simona or Vika Azarenka?

Do Kerber even get sorted when she’s crashing out the draw

 

This is Wimbledon grass you know

The oldest tennis tournament on the planet

But we don’t care for the traditions

As we want our faves to win gosh darnit

 

So pull out your sorcerer/philosopher's stone and your goblet of fire

Don’t be an Azkaban prisoner in some secret chamber

We are the Phoenix Order with a Realz half blood prince

As I hope our deathly hallows bring you no stranger danger