I have Disassociative Identity Disorder symptoms alongside my main schizo diag. Well, part of that means I sometimes can't cope with reality or my own emotional reactions to real situations, so I 'switch off' go somewhere and 'someone' stronger takes my place to deal with it. I get a blank stare and I lose proper memory of stuff or events. Mostly I don't remember or can't recall the emotional turmoil or rewards attached. I remember situations like an outsider looking through the patio doors of my mind. This poem is about me and my nana before she 'knew' or at least disclosed that she was dying. I think she knew long before we did. I love my nana she raised me well. I wish I could have comforted her. I went 'missing' emotionally but I always SAW her really saw who she was and she saw me. Sometimes she didn't like what she saw because it wasn't the Claire (my baby name) that she loved. Poem 22 of 100 poems project. Another short one of a subject I can't cope with yet. X