Description: Politicians promise economic salvation through tariffs while your wallet gets a colonoscopy without anesthesia. From beer muscles in Washington to sandpaper condoms on global trade, this no-holds-barred rant exposes how we're all just pawns paying premium prices in the world's dumbest economic chess game.

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This rant chars economics to a crisp by exposing tariffs as political theater with your money as props. The vivid metaphors of "governmental erectile enhancement" and Uncle Frank's Thanksgiving ass cheeks make complex economic policy viscerally understandable. You'll never hear "trade war" again without picturing consumers carrying water uphill while CEOs shop for vacation homes—making this economic truth bomb impossible to forget even if you wanted to.