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Positive Demanding | Demanding without being Demeaning Bound for Greatness with Proactive Coaching Rob Miller
One of the best terms for motivational leadership in athletics is positive demanding. These
coaches are relaxed, secure and confident. They have learned to teach and coach and while
keeping the delicate balance between fun and discipline. Discipline and fun need each other or
they both lose their effectiveness. All fun is an unproductive waste of time and energy and all
discipline can become “forced labor”. Think of the best teacher you ever had. My guess that
you would describe them as “Tough/Nice”. They demanded your best effort because they
cared about you and your progress but they did it in a way that made you want to give them
your best.
The key is that they are DEMANDING WITHOUT BEING DEMEANING. They demand from you in
direct proportion to how much they care about you. They are not going to settle for anything
less than your best and they do so lovingly and respectfully but honestly and directly.
One of the most important lessons when working with kids is to NEVER EMBARRASS A WILLING
LEARNER, especially when they are struggling to succeed and willing to fail in public. All kids
should be willing to try, fail and try again in your presence without any fear of being humiliated.
In fact praise efforts to get better and let them know that failure is one of the most important
steps to success.
Whatever gets rewarded, gets repeated. So the question becomes, what do you reward with
your attention and words? Does the majority of your attention go to positive behaviors or
negative behaviors? Too many coaches spend too much of their energy toward kids who are
not behaving correctly at the expense of the majority of athletes who are doing things right.
Kids in that environment learn the way you get attention is by being a problem. “Energy goes
where your attention flows.”
One of the most important things to recognize and praise are what we call “Athlete Owned
Behaviors”. These are behaviors that they have complete control over – effort and attitude. If
you identify and praise effort and attitude, you will get effort and attitude at a very high level.
If you want great work habits, praise effort.
Fear works as a motivator, but it is not nearly as strong as care and respect. Any adult can
frighten kids into compliance for a while. But compliance is watered down commitment and
you will never get their full hearted, fearless effort. Fear is effective in the short term but in the
long run, it only serves to build resentment and destroy trust.
Demand in direct proportion to how much you love your athletes. Coaching is about saving
kids, not throwing them away or giving up on them. It is about not breaking their spirit but
instead raising their spirit to a new level by providing clear, healthy team boundaries and then
enforcing them with love and respect. In other words…being positive demanding.
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By Scott Garvis
5
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One of the best terms for motivational leadership in athletics is positive demanding. These
coaches are relaxed, secure and confident. They have learned to teach and coach and while
keeping the delicate balance between fun and discipline. Discipline and fun need each other or
they both lose their effectiveness. All fun is an unproductive waste of time and energy and all
discipline can become “forced labor”. Think of the best teacher you ever had. My guess that
you would describe them as “Tough/Nice”. They demanded your best effort because they
cared about you and your progress but they did it in a way that made you want to give them
your best.
The key is that they are DEMANDING WITHOUT BEING DEMEANING. They demand from you in
direct proportion to how much they care about you. They are not going to settle for anything
less than your best and they do so lovingly and respectfully but honestly and directly.
One of the most important lessons when working with kids is to NEVER EMBARRASS A WILLING
LEARNER, especially when they are struggling to succeed and willing to fail in public. All kids
should be willing to try, fail and try again in your presence without any fear of being humiliated.
In fact praise efforts to get better and let them know that failure is one of the most important
steps to success.
Whatever gets rewarded, gets repeated. So the question becomes, what do you reward with
your attention and words? Does the majority of your attention go to positive behaviors or
negative behaviors? Too many coaches spend too much of their energy toward kids who are
not behaving correctly at the expense of the majority of athletes who are doing things right.
Kids in that environment learn the way you get attention is by being a problem. “Energy goes
where your attention flows.”
One of the most important things to recognize and praise are what we call “Athlete Owned
Behaviors”. These are behaviors that they have complete control over – effort and attitude. If
you identify and praise effort and attitude, you will get effort and attitude at a very high level.
If you want great work habits, praise effort.
Fear works as a motivator, but it is not nearly as strong as care and respect. Any adult can
frighten kids into compliance for a while. But compliance is watered down commitment and
you will never get their full hearted, fearless effort. Fear is effective in the short term but in the
long run, it only serves to build resentment and destroy trust.
Demand in direct proportion to how much you love your athletes. Coaching is about saving
kids, not throwing them away or giving up on them. It is about not breaking their spirit but
instead raising their spirit to a new level by providing clear, healthy team boundaries and then
enforcing them with love and respect. In other words…being positive demanding.