Do I pray God to give me the virtue of poverty? But, do I honestly want to be poor and find joy in poverty? Do I pray God to allow me the virtue of obedience? But, do I sincerely want to abandon my will and autonomy? Do I pray God to grant me the virtue of chastity? But, do I heartily want the power to deny all pleasure of my mind and body for Jesus?

Yes, I wish I had those virtues. So, I pray to God that he may allow them to me. But do I want them? I said I wished for them. But, do I sincerely desire them? Here, I find contradictions within myself. There are divisions in my heart. I pray for virtues and holiness. However, my body and soul still find delights in what pulls me away from Jesus. How joyful would it be if my true desires accord with virtues! But it is not the reality.

Since the fall of our first parents, Adam and Eve, man faces this unfortunate reality of sinfulness. If man could achieve virtues and holiness by his power against his sinfulness, he would not need a saviour. Perhaps he would struggle but could manage to save himself. God might send his Son for man’s salvation. Then, the Son of God would not be called the Saviour. Instead, he would be named a facilitator or an assistant. But the man soon realizes this is not reality. He cannot overcome his sinfulness by his strength. He cannot even desire what he wishes to desire.

Jesus tells us to pray to his Father. “Ask, and it will be given you; search and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”

I pray that my body and soul may honestly desire holiness. And I pray that God let me discover the joy in perseverance toward virtues during this Lent.