Pregnancy after loss can seem like a time for a big celebration, doesn’t it?

Last year we experienced a miscarriage with my husband of our twins when we were almost 2 months pregnant. 

It was a conscious conception and we were so excited to receive our baby (we didn’t even know we had expected twins until we lost the second baby a month and half after the first!). 

So when we lost our babies I experienced depression ( I had moments when I was scared of my dark thoughts of not even wanting to live), anger, fear, confusion. I felt it all and wanted to feel nothing at the same time. 

What helped me heal our loss:

- Having a strong (even though small) support system, my husband was there 24/7 with me and my spiritual wife Svetlanka who experienced loss herself was strong support. 

- Speak about it when I was ready. I realized I am not the only one who feels this way and so many women who experienced loss never talked about it. 

- After a time looking at the gifts, lessons, and what this experience gifted me and taught me.

- Working on my mindset and knowing that I haven’t done anything wrong and that the baby soul knows what it is doing. 

Those are just a few things. I also listened to podcasts, read books, meditated, and journaled. Anything to process my feelings and thoughts. 

Now that I am almost 14 weeks pregnant I am celebrating each and every day and this pregnancy feels different. Like I can see myself with a big belly and holding our future baby. I wasn’t able to see that with my first pregnancy. 

I still find myself very emotional, I find myself scared and with fear what if something happens?

Yet I learned to walk in faith and to trust that no matter what I got this and we got this with my support system. 

If you experienced loss, my love, I see you!

If you know anyone who did, please share this episode and be a safe space for them. 

I love you, I see you, I receive you!