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How do you support a child or adult with disabilities through death and loss when many of us are uncomfortable talking about it ourselves? In this episode of My BCBA Life, Penina sits down with BCBA and thanatology specialist Tricia Lund to unpack how grief shows up for neurodivergent individuals and what BCBAs can realistically and ethically do to help.

Tricia Lund is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) with approximately 10 years of experience. She began her career working in schools and clinics and now primarily supports teens and adults with disabilities living in group homes and day habilitation programs in Texas. Recognizing a major gap in how our field addresses death and grief, she pursued additional certification in thanatology, allowing her to integrate evidence-based principles about death, dying, and bereavement into her ABA practice while remaining solidly within scope.

Key Takeaways:

• Grief is not “less real” for people with disabilities; their grief is often ignored or minimized, which can complicate the grieving process and increase distress.
• Understanding death requires grasping its permanence, universality, biological basis, and causation; many clients with cognitive differences need explicit teaching and support in these areas.
• Start early: use neutral, everyday examples (plants, animals, media) to introduce concepts of life and death and to build accurate, concrete language (including on AAC devices).
• Primary losses (the person who died) often create a cascade of secondary losses (home, routine, transportation, community, financial freedom) that can be even more impactful in daily life.
• BCBAs can stay within scope by focusing on education and participation, modifying environments, supporting involvement in rituals, and collaborating with counselors and spiritual leaders for deeper grief work.

00:00 - How the topic of death and grief emerged in her practice

03:06 – What thanatology is and why a BCBA would pursue it

05:13 – How children (and many adults) understand death, and the core concepts needed

06:32 – Permanence, universality, and biology of death; cultural and media distortions

07:30 – Causation and how cognitive level affects grief responses and timing

11:02 – Disenfranchised grief and how society minimizes certain losses

12:18 – Why people with disabilities are often excluded from funerals and rituals

14:01 – When to start talking about death with children: “Do it now” and how

14:29 – Building vocabulary, using real-life examples, and correcting media myths

16:39 – What to prioritize immediately after a loss: safety, stability, and presence

20:03 – Grief reactions vs. “problem behaviors” and why punishment is harmful

21:52 – Primary vs. secondary losses and how BCBAs can address the secondary ones

24:47 – Scope of practice: education and participation vs. facilitation and intervention

27:34 – Why this work is needed for “typical” adults as well, not just clients

28:30 – Using clear language (“dead,” “death,” “dying”) instead of euphemisms

29:22 – Addressing your own death-avoidance so you can better support clients

Ready to rethink how you, as a BCBA or caregiver, approach death, loss, and grief with the individuals you support?

Tune in to the full episode for practical frameworks, compassionate strategies, and a fresh perspective on staying within scope while truly showing up for your clients.