Last night, I again took to Seroquel to go to sleep. And I didn't go to sleep until like one o'clock because I was up editing all the videos I made when I was totally dulled out. Yet somehow I managed to make five videos. And then when I was editing, I took notes. I thought I would just be dull and be able to just edit things and not really see anything else that I wanted to say. But that didn't happen to be true. So maybe my body's adapting to being dulled out a little bit, I don't know. So it's interesting, since I was able to prevent this from going into any full blown crisis, which I'll never know if it was going to. But I stopped it earlier than last time. Unless this was just a warning sign, and then there's bigger and worse stuff to come. I don't know, I hope that's not the case. So hopefully, I've gotten to a point where I can modulate this and regulate this experience of this process happening. And I feel like if I was able to be supported through it, I might be able to just have my consciousness die back and then come out of it. Okay, but I can't really chance that right now. Maybe that would be a cool thing to make videos about. In the future when I have a supported environment, if possible. It might be kind of scary, but it would be interesting in a way to see what it's like when consciousness dies into itself. And sometimes I get this sense that this happens, because I was supposed to die years ago, and I sort of escaped death. I'm not sure how it works. That's not something I want to consider thinking about right now. And two days ago, I forgot to mention that it was nine months of self dialog. And also, it was the 200th video on that list of videos. So 200 videos in nine months. Right now, where am I at? I'm just really feeling like I want to get to emotional CPR, I booked a hotel room I booked a rental car. And I'm having this sense that it's one of those things where I get to the upper limit of how far I can go. And and then have to sort of start again. And I'm kind of realizing what I'm saying that that I'm not sure what that AI is trying to accomplish. Maybe the I can only go so far. And then the rest is up to something else. Or consciousness goes that far and then has to come back and start again, like dying a number of times in life. It's like wiping the brain clean. But then there is some sense of memory of self. And it might not even be stored in the brain. It might just be stored in the body or stored as knowing that there's some kind of recognition of who one is. I don't even know where to begin in terms of talking about my notes. I took 25 pages of notes between last night and today. And it's strange because often, when I have an insight into something, it feels like wow. Not like that's it or anything. But it just keeps going. It just keeps going and going and going. Like I could talk to myself, forever. And I was listening to an interview, or a talk with Dr. Daniel Siegel today on a neuroscience online summit. And it was very fascinating talk. I really like his work. And I made a bunch of notes and extrapolations that I want to talk about. But one thing he said at the end of the interview was that we are nature and we are each other. So I always find it fascinating when people say these things. That is something, someone who is in so called mania or psychosis might say, and they're saying it from an actual felt sense. experience that they're touching and tasting in that moment. Yet, if that person is different than usual, and having other traits of certain so called symptoms, then they're called mentally ill and really to, to me, it seems like their mind and their brain is touching something beyond. And people will say those things intellectually. And they're saying them based on maybe physics or, or different scientific theories that Oh, yes, there's this oneness, or maybe they've, or maybe they've had a tiny taste of it. But some of us have been immersed in it. And since we're not used to that