Something is different. You have been through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Felt the fear. Known the pain. You longed for things to be the way they were before. When things were simpler. Easier even. And even though things are better -you feel better- things aren't the same. They are different. Your disorienting time led you to a new understanding. Was the pain worth it? Of course not. But you like the way things are now. Admit it. Thank God for it.