Defying ancient Mayan prophecies of the apocalypse, your intrepid Master Breakers explain how to raise 40 grand in three quarters of an hour, while making 40 percent of a joke about The Danish String Quartet. Google's prog-rock Bach emulator is tested to destruction, with plenty of gory details about Count Duckula's death by cookies, Mike's Frankenmix monster, and Jon's anti-Vatican orgy. Plus, we reveal how gourmet risotto and Angry Birds can help banish bouts of freelance lethargy, and Jon delivers a brief masterclass on bunraku puppet twerking. All to the accompaniment of a nightmarish wobble-board/plate-reverb hybrid (with snares on) and a 1000-person samba band half a mile away.

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