What should we do when an unwanted habit that has been getting better suddenly rears its head again? Contrary to what we might believe, when this occurs it’s good news. It means there’s more for us to see about our innate well-being. It’s also a very natural part of the learning and growing process.

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Show Notes

Resources mentioned in this episode

Hello, explorers, and welcome to Q&A episode 41 of Unbroken. I’m your host, Alexandra Amor.

By backslide I mean when we feel like we were making progress, and maybe our unwanted habit was a little bit less pressing than it used to be, or where, in the case of overeating, we’re eating a little bit better than we were and we feel like we’ve been making a little bit of progress. And then what happens when things start to feel like we’re slipping backwards, we’re not where we were a few days or a few weeks ago. Things seem to be getting worse instead of better, or worse than they were anyway, when we had improved. So that’s what I mean by backslide.

Today’s episode might be a little bit longer than these episodes typically are because I want to delve into two separate things in order to explore this. And then it’s also going to be a little more personal than the episodes usually are, because this is something that I’m encountering right at this moment. So let’s get into it.

When we have a situation like the one I just described, where we feel like we were maybe doing better, a habit was beginning to resolve itself and then it isn’t anymore, it isn’t getting better, it feels like it’s getting worse, or we’ve slid back a little bit – we have that expression, two steps forward one step back – it can feel like that. It can feel like we’re going backwards. Or maybe we’re going in a circle, we’ve circled back around to a place that we were before.

And it can feel like the progress that we made, that maybe we’ve negated that somehow, or that it’s slipped out of our grasp, that it’s gone away. And we can get down on ourselves about that, of course. So the first thing I want to explain is how it seems to me that growth and healing – and this has definitely been my experience – are more like a corkscrew shape.

For those of you on YouTube, I’m holding up a corkscrew. So a corkscrew, of course has this spiraling motion, as you can see, and this is a really great metaphor for learning and growth and change. And resolving something like an overeating habit. Because no matter what’s going on, even if we feel like we made some progress and now we’ve fallen back, we’re still moving forward. And that’s why the corkscrew shape is such a helpful metaphor, because if you lay it on its side, and it’s making that motion, it’s still you’re curling, one way and then the other. But it’s still a forward momentum.

There’s a lesson in the Freedom From Overeating course that I have that goes into this in more detail. But I just I love that metaphor.

The second thing that I want to explore with regard to this metaphor, is that if you think of that shape of the corkscrew, there’s a part of it where you’re coming around the top of the spiraling motion. And if this was a roller coaster, you’d then tip over the top and then be going downhill. Those are the moments when things feel easy. And they’re flowing.

It can be small or it can be large. Either way, there’s that forward momentum and it’s downhill. It’s easy, or we’re being pulled by gravity, as it were, and it can feel smooth and easy. And it’s just a good feeling when we’re in that part of the spiral.

But then there’s the back of the spiral that occurs; the spiral goes down, and now it’s curving forward, still moving forward, but you’re in the back of it, and this is an is an uphill slope. So the roller coaster would be curving that way if it was going upwards.

We’ve taken some steps forward that we’re now going back. But the thing to remember is that with that spiraling motion, or one of the things to remember, is that it’s, as I say, it’s still moving forward, you haven’t circled back around to where you were, you are still moving forward with that motion of the corkscrew or the spiral.

This is where we learn, this is where change happens. And this is the place where we start looking for insight, because things have gotten tough. We’re on this uphill slope, it feels like a grind, we feel like maybe we lost the momentum, perhaps of where we were before. And it’s less smooth, less easy. But again, that’s where the learning occurs. This is when you’re in the back of the spiral. That’s where you’re going to have insights. And you’re going to see more about your own well being and your innate resilience, and resourcefulness and all that good stuff.

So the other thing I want to say too, about the back of the spiral is that it’s human nature, and it’s so easy, to have a knee jerk reaction when that’s happening. So we’ve taken two steps forward, we’re feeling great about how we’re eating. And then suddenly, things shift. And it’s not going as smoothly and we suddenly have cravings that we haven’t experienced in a while. Perhaps we noticed that our overeating habit seems to have flared up, it’s gotten a little worse, instead of getting better, that kind of thing.

It is to resist what’s happening. And that’s perfectly natural, and normal and human. And we all do it. I just want to say here today that instead what we can do is I guess a few different things.

One of those things is to know that we’re simply in the back of the spiral. This isn’t the end of the world, it’s not going to be like this forever. And this spiraling motion that we’re always in, as we’re learning and growing it’s a natural part of our growth and our learning.

There’s that cartoon, that meme that people put up on Facebook or Instagram every once in a while, what they think success looks like and it’s just a 45 degree angle in a in a graph. And then what it really looks like and the line is going in the same direction, but it’s all squiggly and squirrely, and all that kind of stuff. The same principle applies here.

As we’re exploring this understanding and learning more about it, it’s never just going to be a straight arrow shot from here to having all the insights and all the change that we want to see. It’s going to have this spiraling motion. And like I say, the back of the spiral is really where the juicy stuff starts to happen.

This has been happening for me lately, and I’ll talk about that a little more in a minute. That’s the second part that I want wanted to share for this Q&A episode. And like I say that the automatic reaction can be to resist that. And for the chatter in our thinking to be quite negative about ourselves and to worry about what’s happening.

We can sort of bear down and kind of get more restrictive with ourselves which is an old habit. That’s how we knew in the past how to deal with an overeating habit. So applying the strategies that worked in the past and maybe creating more rules in our head, about the foods that we can or can’t eat, and that kind of thing. So all of that resistance, action or activity, especially in our minds, is the place that we might turn to immediately when we feel ourselves go into the back of the spiral.

It’s not going to help us smoothly navigate the back of the spiral to, to apply those kinds of solutions that I just mentioned. And it can be quite difficult to do. But what is more helpful is to just relax, which is easier said than done, into what’s happening and let it happen. And trust that insight will come in its own time about whatever learning it is that we’re going through in the back of this spiral.

That can be one of the frustrating things is that insight comes on its own time. We don’t have control really over when that occurs. So sitting in that place of being in the back of the spiral, can be scary and frustrating. I’m not saying that it isn’t, what I am saying is that if we can try as much as possible to not judge ourselves. And to lean into the idea that this is where the learning takes place.

Very often the greater the frustration, the greater the learning. So when we remember those kinds of things, it does get easier. And also, when we know that we’re in the back of the spiral, we can beat ourselves up less about what’s happening about the lack of progress that we see. And that in itself – not beating ourselves up about what’s going on – helps because it reduces the amount of thinking that we’ve got going on about the situation and that’s what we want.

This is another thing I want to touch on. When we get into the back of the spiral, what I try to remind myself about is that there’s more for me to see about my own innate well-being. And the only way that my wisdom, my being, the greater intelligence that flows through me has to get my attention that there’s more for me to see about those things about my well-being is by speaking to me via my overeating habit. When that happens, when I notice cravings come up that haven’t come up for a while, that gets my attention.

Now I’m noticing and what I tried to do is right away, say to myself, Oh, there’s more for me to see here. There’s more insight available to me, there’s more wisdom available to me about my innate well-being, and my resourcefulness and resilience and my connection to universal intelligence.

For months and months, I’ve been eating differently than I used to. And of course, this has been a gradual process. I learned about the Inside Out understanding, the Three Principles in mid 2017. And there’s been a real gradual shift and change. And I guess that’s that spiraling motion, right? It hasn’t been a straight arrow.

There have been times when things have really shifted and changed and then times when they get harder, when I get into the back of the spiral. I really see that now I didn’t see it at the time. I thought I was just a slow learner.

As I’m recording this now it’s November 27 2023. Sorry. And, for months and months, I’ve been eating really well, and my weight has been dropping, which is what I want. For me that’s one thing that’s important. I know that I’m carrying extra weight. That may not be one of your goals, but it certainly is one of mine.

And then I don’t know exactly when, maybe two weeks ago, I came in to the back of the spiral. And there are some specific feelings that I have around food that come up for me that and I know when I’m in the back of the spiral, like specific cravings, and they tend to be around supper time, they tend to be I’ve talked about this, I think on a previous episode, I have cravings for rice and potatoes, that kind of thing. So I include those with my meals.

Again, not the end of the world. I mean, really, this is not life threatening stuff. But for someone who’s trying to lose weight, rice and potatoes do not help that situation. So I noticed those cravings come up.

It’s a lot of what I’ve already shared. But this is just a more personal look at how I’ve been dealing with this. So the first thing that happens is the cravings come up. And I do resist them right away. I’ll notice myself going, Oh, no, this is not good. I was doing so well. And now I’m not. And then pretty quickly, the same day, I’ll remember Oh, right. Okay, I’m in the back of the spiral, these cravings are communicating with me, they’re letting me know that there’s more for me to see about my will own innate well-being. Then I really try to relax into them.

So I really try not to do that. If I feel like having rice, potatoes and or potatoes, I have them not both in the same meal. And I let myself have that experience. And I’ve said this already, but I try not to take it really seriously and punish myself about that. Because that’s not definitely not the objective. So I really try to relax into what’s happening, and not be so judgmental. And, I go in and out of that, of course, there are moments when I feel quite judgmental about myself, especially because I’m teaching these things, and we tend to hold ourselves to a different standard, when we’re teaching, which is not really fair, because I’m experiencing exactly what you’re going to experience.

It’s better if I’m able to share from the back of the spiral than to just pretend it doesn’t exist. Because pretending it doesn’t exist isn’t going to help you. Because you’re just going to feel bad about yourself when that’s happening for you. So I lean into what’s happening, I just let it happen. And try not to be too judgmental.

Then another big part of it is I’ve learned over these years that I’ve been exploring the Three Principles that I can really trust insight.

I know it’s coming. I know the universe hasn’t abandoned me. It hasn’t turned its back on me. I can rely on the fact that insight will be coming. And it will be a real shift in consciousness for me. I’ll be able to see something that I haven’t been able to see before.

The reason I’m recording this today is because last night I had an insight about this, about the back of the spiral that I’m in. It hasn’t solved the problem but I definitely feel that forward sense of momentum. And so I’ll explain to you what the Insight was for me, but with the caveat that you’re not looking for this specific insight. The insight that I have is very specific to me.

Every insight is universal in that insights always point toward our, as I’ve said a bazillion times on this podcast so far, they point to our innate well-being, to our resourcefulness to our resilience to the fact that we are always well, that we always return to a state of calm, and peace. So that’s their universality. Another a real shorthand way of saying what insights are, is that they’re always pointing towards love, always.

We seem to get a greater and greater grasp of how that works, how we are made of love, how we are all connected by love, we are all connected to the universal intelligence that is loving. So to me, that’s the universality of insight.

Then the specificity of it is that the way that each insight speaks to us is going to be very specific to whatever it is we’re wrestling with at the moment. And this is kind of the funny thing about insight; we can share with people what we’ve seen the insights that we have, they’re not going to impact another person in the same way that they impact us in the moment.

I’ve been really been contemplating about how our unwanted habits always, always are pointing to the fact that we have insecure, busy thinking that’s going on in our minds. I’ve been aware of that, of course, for quite some time. And I’ve noticed over the years, since exploring this understanding that just by looking in this direction, the busy thinking in my head has really dropped away.

I’ve shared to on this podcast about how I used to experience a lot of anxiety disguised as urgency. And that’s a great example of something that I didn’t have to do anything to fix that feeling of urgency. I didn’t say positive affirmations to it, or any of those kinds of techniques. I didn’t meditate on it or anything like that. Simply by turning my head in this direction, and learning about the Three Principles and the way that our life works from the inside out, has made that anxiety, that urgency, just drop away.

And, of course, it does come up every once in a while, if I’m under a lot of pressure. But now I notice it, and I know what it is, and I just say to it, well, that’s okay. I know that you will flow through me and eventually all settled down all on my own, there’s nothing that I need to do. So that’s been really, really helpful in that realm of things. So grasping this idea that our busy insecure thinking is what our habits are trying to alert us to their feedback that that is going on.

Attention is not quite the right word, but I just was how or have been considering that our habits are always alerting us to our busy, insecure thinking. So there must be something more here for me to see about that. And then last night, as I say, this insight came up and it was that my busy insecure mind doesn’t feel safe not being busy.

In other words, if I think of doing something relaxing, like if I’m getting a pedicure or a manicure Well, I hardly ever get manicures, but having a massage. That’s a great example actually, every once in a while I go and have a massage on my shoulders because working at computers my shoulders get really tight. I have a really hard time just relaxing and letting the massage therapist do what she needs to do. I just feel I don’t feel safe, I guess that’s the bottom line, I don’t feel safe. Just lying on the massage table and letting things happen. And not being busy and active and on top of things.

It makes me uncomfortable to even think of being on a vacation where I could lie on a sun lounger for most of the day, and read a book. I just couldn’t do that. I would feel that would feel threatening, that kind of deep relaxation. So all that is to say, that’s what this insight that I had last night was pointing me toward.

How can I be more relaxed? What can I do to be more relaxed and be okay with my mind being quiet? And of course, that’s not the path to take. And so the tricky thing is, in this case, sometimes the insight comes along, and it just shifts everything. And suddenly, you’re in the front of the spiral again.

But this feels like an insight that where I’m kind of partway up the back of the spiral. I’ve seen a little bit more about what’s going on with me. But I can tell it didn’t shift things in a way that’s going to enable me to get on to the front of the spiral for the next little while.

Given that that’s the case, then what I can do is actually nothing. So again, we come back to, I’ve seen something new, there’s been a shift in consciousness, but getting in there and trying to figure out how to make my mind more quiet, and make my mind feel safe in certain circumstances, like lying on a sun chair and reading a book all day, is not what’s going to make that happen at all.

And I trust too, that sometimes change is really incremental. We may not even notice it. But I may notice in a few days or a few weeks that my that craving for potatoes and rice has just fallen away and I don’t care about them anymore. That’s happened to me many, many, many times on this journey. So I trust that that can happen as well.

Sometimes it seems to me that insight is conscious. And we feel it land. I felt that insight last night, land with me. It was like a sentence in my head. But it had a resonance that our normal thoughts don’t have. I heard it in my head, but I feel it all over my body at the same time. It just has this real landing kind of feeling sometimes. And not always. It can be extremely subtle. But last night for sure I felt it and I felt myself pause what I was doing. I had that awestruck look on my face, I could tell.

I thought to myself, Oh, that this is big, I can feel that. And that really helped me to understand what was going on with me. Now what I’m doing is I’m just trusting that I will have more insights about this situation. I’m not resisting being in the back of the spiral because like I said, this is the place where learning occurs. And we of course, we want everything to be perfect and smooth, especially when we’re on a weight loss journey. We want we just want that to continue. We want that curve to be going down.

But that’s not what’s happening right now. And being hard on myself or upset about that is not going to help the situation. So I’m grateful that I know enough about the back of the spiral to just ease off the gas and let whatever happens. Whatever needs to happen, let that happen. Things will evolve.

I wanted to say to remember there was a few weeks ago, I mentioned in a Q&A episode that I was wanting to exercise more. And I was feeling a resistance to that, that I think is all part of this. So that resistance that I felt was speaking to me as well. That’s like an unwanted habit in. There’s that tension there that I talked about. And I still feel that and I think that’s part of this insight that I’m having about my busy mind.

The feedback that I’m getting from wisdom about that, or that there is more for me to see now about my well-being and my innately loving and wise self, just like yours.

So that’s it for me today. That’s quite a lot of talking for one person for one moment. So I hope that that’s been helpful for you. And that it maybe has guided you toward seeing something new about your journey.

I really hope that now that you’ve heard this metaphor about the back of the spiral, that the next time you feel like maybe you’ve taken a couple of steps backward, that you realize that that’s not true, that you’re simply at the back of the spiral, you’re going uphill. So it’s a little harder, things get harder.

But as I said, this is where the learning happens.

This is where the insights come, and where we see things in a new way that supports change. And coming home to who we really are.

So that’s it for today. I need a glass of water after all that talking. I hope you are well and I will talk to you again next week. Take care.

Featured image photo by Dana Ward on Unsplash

The post Q&A 41 – Why is it good news when we backslide? appeared first on Alexandra Amor Books.