Today’s news shakes the world—literally and figuratively. In this high-stakes global roundup, we cover:

A magnitude 8.8 earthquake off Kamchatka sparks tsunami warnings across the Pacific

Japan evacuates nearly 900,000 people after smaller waves strike northern shores

Global markets brace for back-to-back central bank decisions with tariff deadlines looming

Trump’s “Liberation Day” tariff threat stirs fresh tension in U.S.–China trade

NASA–ISRO launch the NISAR satellite, a $1.5 b Earth-monitoring mission

UK hints at Palestinian state recognition amid growing Gaza pressure

UN warns Gaza famine is unfolding, contradicting earlier denials

A9 crash in Scotland shuts down traffic and nerves

Friendship Day marked worldwide, though the news cycle isn’t exactly in a hugging mood

NFL camps take a breather, reminding us not all games are geopolitical

Join us for a satirical stroll through serious stories—where earthquakes, embargoes, and existential dread all share airtime.