What *doesn’t* make a quality girl:

1. She has cheated more than three times in her life, or has cheated more than once on the same boyfriend.

2. She forgets to say “thank you” when you buy her a drink. Buying her a second drink confirms her ingratitude.

3. She dates around. Dating around -- specifically, seeing more than one person concurrently -- is a prerogative of men only, for reasons having to do with the greater leverage men need to arm themselves with to compete in a dating market that is fundamentally tilted in favor of women. Any girl who makes a habit of dating more than one guy at a time, especially if the parallel dating lasts longer than one month, in order to milk her options is a bad seed. In all my years of banging, one soulsaving thing I’ve learned is to walk away from any girl who I’ve discovered is also dating other men. Even if I beat the competition and win her over, it never ends well.

4. She tells you she has a long distance boyfriend she loves, then proceeds to bang you anyway. A few months later, you see her groping a new guy, and she’s still with her boyfriend. That relationship is doomed.

5. Her default mode is sarcasm, negativity, coarseness, and shamelessness.

6. She spends twice as much time getting ready for a house party than she spends getting ready for a date with you.

7. She can’t control her impulse to flirt with other men. Double minus points if she does this in your presence.

8. She doesn’t seem nervous undressing in front of you the first time.

9. She fucks you on a pretense of less than the sum total of an hour of conversation, and calls you the next day worried that your condom-less sex might have given her something. She’s been down this road before.

10. She is proud to be on the pill and considers her dependence on it a carte blanche slut sanctioner instead of a safety net affection fortifier.

11. She is cavalier about casual sex.