Queer Sex Ed Podcast

On this episode of QSE, Sara talks with Mia Schachter (they/them) from Consent Wizardy and the You're Doing it Wrong Podcast about all things consent! Discussion includes people pleasing, lying to ourselves, moving beyond the victim/perpetrator binary, what to do with accountability through a non-police state lens, and consent as an atmosphere of your relationship instead of a one-time conversation.

You can find more of Mia's work at www.consentwizardry.com and on Instagram @consent.wizardry. You can hear more from them by signing up for their consent educator classes and listening to their podcasts: "Share the Load" and "You're Doing it Wrong: A Podcast About Consent from a Twink and a Wh*re". You can also read their writing at www.consentwizardry.substack.com

This episode Sara talks with Aura (she/her), Star (she/it), and Deluge (any pronoun) from Effigy Films about how they got started camming and making trans-only porn, get a dom who'll tell you to take your daily meds, what it means to be a non-binary lesbian, and what scenes would they want to film with an infinite budget. Find more about Effigy at www.effigyfilms.com and follow Deluge, Aura, and Star on Fansly, BlueSky, and Instagram. You can watch them on Chaturbate every weekday, connect on Stripchat, and buy their individual videos across the net.

Queer Sex Ed is a sex education project by and for trans people, queer people, and polyamorous people. We believe pleasure is necessary to building a kind and caring world free from racism, ableism, sexual violence, queerphobia, and trans antagonism. QSE exists to empower everyone to claim the sexual life they desire built on a foundation of communication, trust, and awareness of the power dynamics that influence interpersonal and community relationships.

Learn more at www.queersexed.org and follow Sara on these social media platforms:

https://bsky.app/profile/queersexed.bsky.social

www.instagram.com/queersexed/

www.facebook.com/QueerS3xEd/

www.youtube.com/@queergamingshow

www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd

This is a live workshop with Sara from the Southwest Love Fest conference in Phoenix, AZ. Discussions include finding overlapping desires, consent as a practice instead of a one-time agreement, safe words, and pain calibration (with a live demo). Follow along with the slides at www.queersexed.org and please share this with anyone who needs this information! Welcome back to QSE, everyone. I've missed you.

A message from Sara about what to expect for the QSE relaunch and teasing upcoming content in the feed! This is different from the previous reintroduction episode from January for reasons that I discuss in the show. Welcome back to QSE!

Queer Sex Ed is coming back with Sara (she/her) and Leigh (they/them) in April 2025! We could use your help getting ready to go live in the next few months. Here are some ways you can help with your money, time, or both! 1. Sign up for our Patreon to help get the ball rolling and pay for our increased tech/bandwidth needs (there's also a free tier now!) https://www.patreon.com/QueerSexEd 2. Email us (non-urgent) questions for the show, possible interview connections, and general excitement for the return: [email protected] 3. Book us for your 2025 workshop, training, conference presentation, boudoir photography, campus event, live episode recording and more! Email [email protected] to discuss prices and travel arrangements! Queer Sex Ed is an educational project by and for trans people, queer people, and polyamorous people. We believe pleasure is necessary to build a kind and caring world free from racism, ableism, sexual violence, queerphobia, and trans antagonism. QSE exists to empower everyone to claim the sexual life they desire built on a foundation of communication, trust, and awareness of the power dynamics that influence interpersonal and community relationships.

Sara and Jay are back this week to finish our discussion of justice-centered sex education! This week we discuss moral panics and also provide structure, guidance, and questions to ask yourself to build sex ed centered on trans justice.

We tried to focus on offering structures, guidelines, and tangible ways you can question your own work, but there's no way we could cover everything in one show. For more on this, check out our previous episode, number 63, and also Episodes 1, 9, 11, 21, 23, 24, 34, and 53.

Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/IicmJZnuTvGPk7Ojfgieqg

Segments: 1:30 - Intro 4:59 - Word of the Show: Moral Panic 20:33 - Famous Moral Panics of the Past and Present 28:43 - Patreon Message 32:30 - Main Topic Intro 38:49 - 5 (+2 Extra) Steps for Building Justice-Centered Sex Education 44:32 - Working Backwards to Build a Foundation 49:11 - Power Dynamics and Sex Ed 56:11 - We Can't Do This Work in a Vacuum 59:02 - Helpful Guidelines to Start From 1:07:15 - Questions to Ask Yourself

Show Links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201507/moral-panic-who-benefits-public-fear

https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/games/2019/08/moral-panic-over-fortnite-and-purpose-play

https://www.aier.org/article/the-anatomy-of-a-moral-panic/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/youre-wrong-about/id1380008439

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/american-hysteria/id1441348407

https://rossieronline.usc.edu/youth-and-racism/akiea-gross-op-ed

https://www.bgdblog.org/2016/04/how-sex-education-fails-people-of-color-in-the-united-states/

https://wearyourvoicemag.com/sex-and-health/sex/sex-education-centering-whiteness

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/afrosexology-sex-positivity_n_5b69b913e4b0de86f4a59f1a

http://www.nativeyouthsexualhealth.com/whatwebelievein.html

https://rewire.news/article/2015/04/09/can-teach-kids-consent-without-bringing-sex-conversation/

https://theestablishment.co/the-sad-case-of-laci-green-feminist-hero-turned-anti-feminist-defender-322515344297/

https://www.themarysue.com/laci-green-terf-impression/

Sex Education Guidelines:

https://www.bzga-whocc.de/en/publications/standards-in-sexuality-education/

https://siecus.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Guidelines-CSE.pdf

https://culturallyboundgender.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/toward-an-end-to-appropriation-of-indigenous-two-spirit-people-in-trans-politics-the-relationship-between-third-gender-roles-and-patriarchy/

https://www.bgdblog.org/2016/07/appropriating-two-spirit/

https://intersexroadshow.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-problematic-ideology-of-natural-sex.html

This week, Sara and Jay talk about the difference between "trans-inclusive" sex ed and building sex ed based on a justice framework more broadly. Also discussed, inclusion, virginity, life-long sex ed, and reproductive justice.

Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/yxW1Eq_tTeefHcc5G02ZVg

Segments: 1:30 - Intro 3:22 - Accountability Corner 17:57 - Word of the Show: Inclusion 25:00 - "The Language of Appeasement" Article Discussion 35:09 - Patreon Message 36:40 - Main Topic Intro 41:41 - What's Wrong With Sex Ed? 54:12 - Why Make Sex Ed Better? 1:04:59 - Being Justice-Centered 1:15:03 - Risk Aware Sex Ed 1:28:00 - Sex Education isn't a Biology Class

Show notes:

www.them.us/story/sex-with-acrylics-is-safe

www.twitter.com/DrDLStewart

www.insidehighered.com/views/2017/03/30/colleges-need-language-shift-not-one-you-think-essay

www.zora.medium.com/when-black-women-go-from-office-pet-to-office-threat-83bde710332e

www.queersexed.org/archive/2018/4/20/reproductive-justice-and-family-building-queer-sex-ed-podcast-episode-21

www.queersexed.org/archive/2018/1/18/identifying-desire-asexuality-and-aromanticism-queer-sex-ed-podcast-episode-9

www.queersexed.org/archive/2018/2/5/sharing-your-desires-queer-sex-ed-podcast-episode-11

www.queersexed.org/archive/2019/4/21/biological-sex-and-expanding-the-trans-medical-model-queer-sex-ed-podcast-episode-53

www.medium.com/@QSE/the-xx-xy-lie-our-social-construction-of-a-sex-and-gender-binary-4eed1e60e615

www.coloradoindependent.com/2019/05/23/colorado-laws-sex-ed-consent/

Audre Lorde Reads Uses of the Erotic: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFHwg6aNKy0 (CW: cissexism, anti-pornography) Text version: https://uk.sagepub.com/sites/default/files/upm-binaries/11881_Chapter_5.pdf

www.akpress.org/pleasure-activism.html

www.medium.com/@JessieRaeFisher/on-neopronouns-eec46705c5dc

www.nonbinary.miraheze.org/wiki/English_neutral_pronouns

www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/10/01/guatemala.syphilis.tuskegee/index.html

www.siecus.org/sex-ed-is-a-vehicle-for-racial-justice/

Join Jay and Sara as we explore the innies and outies of genital torture play (sometimes called CBT). We'll talk about pain tolerance, dysphoria, safety tips, and give examples of genital torture play you might never have thought about before!

Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/Bjuvrzx9T2mvJ37L3CWrAQ

Segments: 1:30 - Intro 7:21 - Word of the Show: Pain Tolerance 14:40 - How Do You Find Your Pain Tolerance? 22:40 - Patreon Message 25:57 - What is Genital Torture Play? 29:48 - Why Not Just Use "CBT"? 33:23 - Types of GT Play 52:42 - Trans-Specific Tips for GT 1:10:28 - Harm Reduction Safety Tips 1:23:04 - Negotiating GT

Show notes:

https://www.cnet.com/how-to/australian-fires-everything-we-know-about-the-crisis-and-how-you-can-help/

https://www.npr.org/2019/01/31/690363402/how-the-cia-overthrew-irans-democracy-in-four-days

https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/mg4pqn/we-asked-a-cock-and-ball-torture-expert-about-the-art-of-dilating-urethras

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/anal-sex-what-you-need-to-know

https://theprincessfantasy.com/blogs/news/figging-101-from-ancient-punishment-to-modern-pleasure

https://sextoycollective.com/best-sex-machines/sybian-saddle/

Sara and Jay jump into the first topic discussion of Season 2, how to navigate sex and dysphoria as a trans person! We discuss strategies, validate the struggles, and give some tips from our experience.

Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/FM-xOB1SR4ek6UXYWOjcRg

Segments: 1:30 - Intro 2:10 - Word of the Show: Gender Dysphoria 20:09 - Dysphoria Tips 45:46 - Patreon Message 47:54 - Exploring Sex As A Trans Person 59:17 - HRT Effects on Sex and Orgasm 1:19:58 - Final Takeaway Tips

Show notes:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/not-all-trans-folks-dysphoria/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-navigate-gender-dysphoria-during-sex

https://www.buzzfeed.com/kaichengthom/the-search-for-trans-womens-orgasms

[NSFW] https://crashpadseries.com/

[NSFW] http://troublefilms.com/

http://instar-books10.mybigcommerce.com/nerve-endings-the-new-trans-erotic/

Season 2 kicks off with a question episode catching up on your emails to us over the break! We discuss endometriosis, herpes transmission, identity-based humiliation play, and more! We are so excited to be back in your podcast feed with regular weekly episodes again.

Transcript: https://otter.ai/s/p3FKnWmQTyS8jynNBQ_Mvw

Segments: 2:35 - Season 2 changes to QSE 6:18 - Endometriosis and Testosterone HRT 20:11 - Identity-based Humiliation Play and Slurs 32:26 - Patreon Message 36:32 - Oral Herpes Transmission and Communicating Boundaries 53:21 - STI Risk with New Tongue Piercing 1:05:53 - Wrap Up 1:09:51 - Bonus! An Anti-Fascist Rant

Show notes:

[Last Week Tonight, Bias in Medicine] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TATSAHJKRd8

https://www.history.com/news/chamberlain-kahn-act-std-venereal-disease-imprisonment-women

https://www.akpress.org/pleasure-activism.html

Editors note: I accidentally left the same small clip of audio in the show at the end twice. I don't know how it happened, but I can't redo it without redoing the entire time-coded transcript so I'm leaving it in. I'll try and be more careful in the future.