In full disclosure, Shenel wanted to call this episode Joe Alwyn's Witness Protection Program Era. Shaz thought that he’s had enough airtime already. This is just the first of many hot takes in a slightly deranged, very unserious Taylor Swift-themed reading before her new album, The Tortured Poets Department, drops on April 19th.

We truly went off in this reading — so much so that we had to split it into two parts. Tune in next week for the rest of our track-by-track hot takes, plus predictions for Tay’s love life, career, and personal growth.

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