As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play a vital role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and growing skills in reading is a great way to do it. 

Reading is essential for your child’s success in school. Reading also plays a critical role in your child’s

●      social and emotional development[1] 

●      language development

●      executive functions like working memory and self-control ^1^

●      connection to you

●      empathy and understanding of others

●      imagination (ability to “see” the story) ^2^  

●      ability to choose healthy behaviors (preventing high-risk behaviors and unhealthy choices)

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning how to read and establishing critical learning habits through reading that will extend throughout their school years. Reading is learned best on a lap, snuggled closely in the arms of parents, grandparents, and other loved ones. Reading aloud to children is the most important activity for building skills essential for reading success. ^3^

Yet, anyone can face challenges in establishing a daily reading routine with their children. A national survey found that only 34% of families read to children daily.^4 Families today are busier than ever with more demands on their time. 

Children are highly entertained and stimulated by technology, so even if a family does prioritize reading, children might fight it. You might hear, “Do we have to?” when you announce reading time after dinner. While it may take more encouragement than past generations to start a daily reading routine with your child, it can be a joyful experience, enrich your family life, and promote valuable skills for school and life success. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to support family reading cooperatively.

Why Reading?    

Becoming intentional about a daily reading routine, looking for ways to incorporate reading into your time spent together, and considering the quality of the reading experience can all contribute to your child’s development. 

Today, in the short term, reading can create

●      greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment 

●      opportunity for dialogue and reflection

●      a direct and simple way to influence your child’s positive development

Tomorrow, in the long term, reading helps your child

●      build skills in collaboration and cooperative goal-setting

●      build skills in hard work and persistence 

●      develop empathy, creative thinking, and responsible decision-making skills

●      create positive learning habits that contribute directly to school success

Five Steps for Reading

This five-step process helps your family establish a routine for daily reading and builds important skills in your child. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)[2] .

Tip: These steps are best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush. Tip: Intentional communication[3]  and a healthy parenting relationship[4]  support these steps.Step 1. Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

You can get your child thinking about establishing a routine for daily family reading by asking open-ended questions. Seeking your child’s input and offering authentic, limited choices in designing a plan to establish a routine for daily reading offers multiple benefits. 

In gaining input, your child

●      has the opportunity to think through their routine and problem-solve any challenges they may encounter ahead of time

●      has a greater stake in anything they’ve designed themself (and with that sense of ownership comes a greater responsibility for implementing the routine)

●      will have more motivation to work together and cooperate because of their sense of ownership

●      will be working with you on making informed decisions (understanding the reasons behind those decisions) about a critical aspect of their learning -- reading

Actions

●      Allow your child some choices when establishing a reading routine. Allowing choices increases your child’s sense of control and motivation to read with you. Questions you could ask to better understand your child’s preferences include: 

○      “How do you want to spend your time after school?”

■      “Would you like a snack first?”

■      “Do you want to change into play clothes first?”

■      “Do you want time to rest or run outside and play?”

■      “Considering all the activities that typically occur after school, when is the best time for us to read together?”

●      Experiment with different times to figure out your plan for reading together. You may want to take a week and try different times to see what works best with your child’s energy. Some families enjoy making reading together a part of their bedtime routine. Other families like to get ready for school and read a story before leaving the house to start the day positively. Still, others feel that reading while having an after-school snack is an ideal way to transition back to being at home. Work on discovering that rhythm with your child, and you’ll go a long way toward setting them up for success!

●      Once you agree upon a time that makes sense, your attempts to keep it sacred and consistent for reading will be important to ensure it becomes a habit and routine. If you are consistent, it can serve as a predictable, non-negotiable process. Your child knows what to expect and when to expect it.

●      Create a space that can consistently be used for reading time. Although reading can occur anytime and anywhere, having a designated place ensures a well-lit, quiet, and comfortable spot. Your reading space aims to provide a well-equipped, consistent place for your child to focus on a story. Setting up a reading nook can be highly motivating to a child and may encourage more of their own time spent on reading.

●      Create a family reading rule. Be sure to discuss (at a family dinner, for example) how the family can respect reading time. Consider whether you want all siblings to read simultaneously or not. If you want everyone to read simultaneously, consider what must happen to make that happen. Either way, agree upon a reading rule that each will respect the person focused on their work and be quiet in that area of the house.

●      Treat reading time as a treat, not a chore. If you save reading for after things like doing homework or getting ready for bed, reading together is a desirable time to be together.

●      Offer your child a role in the reading process. Whether that means turning the pages or keeping your place with their finger running under the words being read aloud, engage your child as an active reader (even before they can read on their own).     

●      Allow your child to select exciting and desirable books. You can learn more about books to offer your child on the online review tool from Common Sense Media (or download their app). It provides the developmental appropriateness of each book, a sneak preview, and central themes. 

●      Listening to audiobooks can also be a fun way to incorporate reading with a child who shows little interest in picking up a book. Listening to a book together on a long car ride can be a great way to share in a reading experience.  

●      Consider removing easy technology distractions at least an hour before bedtime and incorporating reading into your child’s wind-down routine. Transitioning from the excited brain activity of technology to sleep can be difficult, but reading can be an excellent transition. 

Tip: Make it fun! Designing a reading spot together can be an enjoyable experience. Allow your child to pick out their pillows, bean bag chairs, or bookmarks. They could make a sign with their name to designate the space. Step 2. Teach New Skills

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, learning about what developmental milestones[5]  your child is working on can help you know which aspects might be more difficult for your child regarding reading. 

●      Five-year-olds like to copy or repeat stories, poems, or rhymes. They like to have a role and a choice but also thrive within a consistent routine. They tend to enjoy reading to themselves or being read to. Five-year-olds may find it challenging to see a viewpoint different from their own, so this is an ideal time to reflect with them on a character’s thoughts and feelings, which offers valuable practice in empathy.

●      Six-year-olds are eager for surprises and new ideas and enjoy play. They may test authority more frequently, so becoming consistent with routines that offer limited choices is essential. Highly imaginative books, fantasy, and adventure may be compelling subjects at this age. 

●      Seven-year-olds are curious about the world, so introducing books about other cultures or lifestyles is ideal at this age. Seven-year-olds tend toward greater sensitivity and may be hard on themselves if they have difficulty getting a word right or are challenged by reading in any way. They may need lots of encouragement, support, and reassurance that they can learn with time and practice.

●      Eight-year-olds have limited attention spans, so short stories or short chapters are ideal. They bounce back quicker from mistakes and disappointment and may not be as concerned about the mechanics (and stress surrounding it) as in the younger years. They may need an exercise break if they read more than a short chapter.

●      Nine-year-olds can easily get frustrated and show an increase in social anxiety. This is a great time to read books about similar characters who have difficulty with social issues and reflect on them since nine-year-olds are beginning to try to figure out friendship dynamics. Nine-year-olds can solve word problems and conduct research in their reading but may need your support in figuring out what’s important in their reading.

●      Ten-year-olds can be highly cooperative, appreciate sharing their perspectives, and listen to others’ perspectives. Because they are just learning perspective-taking, this is a great time to discuss what characters are motivated by and how they might think and feel. They tend to be eager readers and require much time to dive deep into books at home and school.

Trap: Research shows that many boys stop reading for pleasure around nine or ten.^5^ Experts suspect this is because boys tend toward nonfiction topics like books about the natural world or how-to topics. They also gravitate toward graphic novels or comics. Experts suspect parents can voice their disapproval of these reading choices and inadvertently discourage reading. Be sure you leave judgment of book choices behind and only encourage their reading. Nonfiction and graphic novels are excellent choices if they interest your young reader. If it’s safe content for children, offer your support and interest.Tip: For a list of picture books that highlight social and emotional skill themes, check out the following: https://confidentparentsconfidentkids.org/kid-resources/picturebooks/Tip: For a list of juvenile fiction books (seven to twelve-year-olds) highlighting social and emotional skill themes, check out the following: https://confidentparentsconfidentkids.org/kid-resources/juvenile-fiction-7-12-year-olds/Actions

●      When your child invites you to learn more about what they are reading or asks a question, listen with interest. You can also ask prompting questions such as:

○      “What interests you about this story or these characters?”

○      “What are the characters feeling or thinking?”

○      “Why are they making the choices they make?”

○      Or, in the case of nonfiction, “What are you learning about?” 

○      Share your curiosity and interest in the subject, but do not provide an answer.

●      Model reading. Remember, your child is watching you and will notice if you do or do not read around your home. If reading is one of the activities you tend to do in your free time, your child will observe that behavior and be more likely to pick up a book in their free time. If you’ve fallen out of the habit of reading, or you read before bed after your children are asleep, think about ways to bring reading into your conversations. Perhaps you can discuss a book you are reading. 

●      Research information together in books. Although it’s tempting to research a topic online, include books or articles in your research process. If your child is doing a science project on animal habitats, internet research can be helpful. But be sure also to seek books that provide useful background information. This cultivates a habit for children of seeking out the information they require through books.

●      Teach the essential “brain break.” Breaks do not represent weakness or a lack of persistence. Human brains work better if they get frequent breaks. Children need processing time, particularly when studying, learning to read, or reading a longer book. 

○      Show what a brain break might look like. You could sit with your book and say aloud, “I am starting to feel frustrated.” Then, move away from your seat and breathe deeply and loudly. Get a drink of water. Walk outside and breathe in the fresh air. Take your child with you to do this alongside you. 

●      Depending on your child’s school, reading can become highly stressful. Children pick up on that pressure and may fear they won’t be able to read with proficiency. Remove that burden at home. Focus on joy and connection. Make reading fun. The best way for your child to learn to enjoy reading is through practice and exposure, which will happen if your child wants to read. Focus on enjoyment. 

●      Follow your child’s lead on books. Take a trip to the library and see what they select. Give them the choice of which books to read together.

●      You do not need to be a subject matter expert as a parent. Your child may have questions about what they are reading. Ask yourself, “How can I provide the guidance and support for them to answer the question or solve the problem themselves (even if they get it wrong)?”

Tip: Picture books with no words can be an enjoyable break from learning the words for children. Have your child tell the story just by looking at the illustrations.Tip: Playing story games with your child, like cooperatively making up a story, can stir imagination, creativity, and a love of stories.Step 3. Practice to Grow Skills and Develop Habits

Your daily routines are opportunities for your child to practice vital new skills. With practice, your child will improve over time as you give them the chance with support. Practice grows vital new brain connections that strengthen (and eventually form habits) each time your child works hard toward a goal or demonstrates belief in themself.

Practice also provides important opportunities to grow self-efficacy—a child’s sense that they can do a task successfully. This leads to confidence. It helps them understand that mistakes and failures are part of learning.

Actions

●      Use “Show me…” statements with a positive tone and body language to express excitement and curiosity.  When your child learns a new ability, they are eager to show it off! Give them that chance. Say, “Show me you know what’s next when our timer goes off.” This can be used when you are in the after-school routine and need that alert to move on to reading time.

●      Do a “brain break” trial. While reading one night, maybe at a natural breaking point, play “brain break.” Practice moving away from your book. Get a drink of water. Walk outside and sniff the fresh air. Then, go back and ask, “Do you feel refreshed and ready, or do you need a little more time?” If your child needs more time, ask, “What would make you feel ready to continue?” A hug on a teddy bear or a couple of runs around the house might do the trick.

●      Recognize effort by using “I notice...” statements like, “I notice how you sat down to read without my prompting. Looks like you’re enjoying it. Great!”

●      Proactively remind your child to help them be successful. The challenges of daily routines recur day after day. Remind in a gentle, non-public way. You can whisper in your child's ear, “Remember what time it is? What shall we read today?”

●      Provide opportunities for your child to use language and words in a way that is just a bit more challenging than what they have done before. The goal...