On this episode of Melody and Friends, Melody speaks with author and speaker Debbie Mirza about covert passive aggressive narcissists and why they can be so difficult to detect in a relationship. Debbie shares her story of being married to a covert narcissist for almost 22 years and talks about her own healing as she went through a time of isolation. She and Melody discuss the signs to look for in someone who may be a covert narcissist, their different methods of manipulating their victims and what you can do to escape that relationship and begin your journey of healing and restoration. Our listeners can get in contact with Debbie and purchase her books including The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist on her website, debbiemirza.com

Who is Debbie Mirza?

Debbie is a best-selling author who is passionate about helping people heal after narcissistic abuse. She has personally experienced decades of covert narcissistic abuse and has a wealth of understanding on this topic stemming from her own life experience, education, and research. Debbie has been interviewed on several podcasts and online conferences. She has deep empathy for those who have dealt with this damaging form of narcissism. 

She has created online courses to help with the healing process, one specifically on parenting when your ex is a covert narcissist, and one with helpful tips for starting your own in person support group. During her own healing, she went through a time of much isolation where she spent a lot of time in nature and at home taking care of her wounded heart. It was during this time that she wrote and recorded songs that would bring her and others calm, love, and tenderness.

Things We Talked about in This Episode

• Debbie’s experience with finding out her husband was a covert passive aggressive narcissist. 
• What it’s like living with someone who has CPAN and how to identify some of the traits (well liked, well respected, but they are very chameleon-like).
• The differences between an overt and a covert narcissist. When you’re with a covert narcissist there’s always a question of “who are you really?” 
• How covert narcissists use silent rage rather than overt yelling and anger.
• The three stages a victim goes through in a relationship with a covert narcissist.
• Cover Narcissists ability to sabotage important days and them offering to “settle”. 
•  Traits that are common in individuals that are missing from covert narcissists
• What gaslighting actually is in a relationship and what that looks like with covert narcissists
• How to escape those relationships and begin healing after that abuse.