Reconciliation is a difficult path that’s never easy. But it’s especially challenging to heal the breach in relationship with someone who we know has no intention of receiving it. Yet, we can’t reconcile with someone who we have wronged or who believes strongly that we have wronged them — empty handed.

Once we have reached out toward reconciliation and the other party refuses to fully accept our gifts and repentance, it’s better to simply walk away in peace and let God work it out.

That’s behind the parade of gifts of contrition Jacob sent to his brother, Esau, as recorded in the Torah passage וישלח Vayishlach (“he sent,” Gen. 32:3–36:43). And we’ll see in the parallel passages of Obadiah and Matthew 5 that what God hates gloating when our enemy is knocked down and punished by God — more so than the unforgiveness of our enemy.

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Genesis 32:3–33:20: Reconcilable differences between Jacob and Esau

The Torah section וישלח Vayishlach (“he sent,” Gen. 32:3–36:43) begins with Jacob’s trying to reconcile with Esau. We see that God was the One Who separated Jacob and Esau.

When Esau received word that Jacob was returning to the Land, he brought an entourage of 400 men with him. There is no doubt that these men of Esau were an army. Jacob had every right to be concerned about this. However, Jacob had learned a lot during his sojourn with Laban — a heavy dose of dishonesty.

We also see hints in Laban’s final conversation with Jacob that he had planned to kill Jacob and steal Leah and Rachel and all his children back with him. It was only after God intervened with Laban in a dream that Laban didn’t follow through with his evil plans. Laban was very useful in teaching Jacob important life lessons and how to deal with Esau.

Jacob did not actually trick Esau of anything, Esau knew what he was giving up when he traded the birthright for the porridge and it was Rebekah who tricked Esau of the physical blessings, not Jacob.

Jacob’s wives also had their own relationship with Laban, which was not much better than Jaocb’s as well as their own relationship with HaShem.

You can’t reconcile with God without reconciliation with your ‘brother’

Jacob could have bypassed Esau and avoided him altogether. By this time, Esau was living in the land of Seir, far to the east of the promised land. Jacob however, knew that his brother had something against him and so he wanted to reconcile before making his offerings to HaShem and returning to his father’s house.

Yeshua (Jesus) taught this approach to reconciliation in the Sermon on the Mount:

“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”Matthew 5:22–24 NASB

Jacob knows he shouldn’t go to Bethel to thank God for his safe retur...