On Tuesday, I said your wife’s needs are valid, even though they’re different.  What about her sexual needs?

Even if a woman is all about sex, it’s not as high on her list as is the case for most men. Usually, sex doesn’t make a woman feel loved. Rather, she wants sex because she feels loved. Beyond that, if you have the higher drive, she may rarely get to full desire. Perhaps she says yes out of love, or obligation, when she’s not feeling it. Or she says no initially, and then says yes as soon as she is close to wanting it.

This is very different from your reality. Can you imagine what it must be like for her? Can you see how it would affect her sexually? Something else, what if she feels she’s supposed to orgasm every time she has sex? What if you expect this of her and have made it clear it’s not good sex if you’re the only one who comes?

The real problem is most of us have a small, skewed view of what constitutes sex. If we had a broader view, sex would be easier and better for both spouses.

Sex should be an activity done by a couple that includes contact of a sexual nature. It could last a minute, or an hour, or anywhere in-between. It should include as many orgasms as each spouse wants, with zero being a valid number. And each spouse should be free to decide at any point during sex if they do or don’t want an orgasm on that occasion.

If this was how your wife saw sex, and she knew you saw it the same way, it would be easier for her to say yes to sex. It would also be easier for her to initiate sex; even if she was just doing it for you.

Is how you define sex limiting or hurting your sex life?

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The post Redefining Sex So It’s Easier And Better for Both of You first appeared on The Generous Husband.