I haven't made any videos in a few days and my iphone was getting pretty full so I was downloading some of the videos from iCloud unto a unto an external hard drive and when I was trying to confirm which ones I could delete from my phone because they were officially on the external hard drive some of them were really old and I was just a bit surprised with the way I talked and even the sound of my voice it feels like it's changed and I've been doing this self dialogue for about six months it'll be six months in like a week or something and the first couple months I only did a few videos but then lately I've been doing more and more so I've probably been doing it more intensely for say three months and part of what I possibly intend to do is when the date hits the one year mark from a video is to watch it and to sort of do a video from the present moment but also talk about the year before so it's possible if I do it that way that it won't be a while until I actually release stuff the other thing I might do is just be like wow that early stuff is really bad release it at all but I think part of this process for me is just showing that self dialogue can be helpful we usually assume that we need to talk to somebody else to help us and this might be a different form of self help in that I'm helping myself by expressing my own thoughts and unfolding my own learning so not relying on looking at a book and looking at other people for the answers and I'm finding that more and more of the supposed answers are within me and it's not that I haven't been influenced by anybody in terms of reading and things but the thing would be that in my own process of exploration if there is anything that was from somebody else that I realized in the moment it rises in the right moment versus just always reading books and really I feel like it's restoring me to learning for myself from myself by myself with myself and in that I'm actually learning from other people too because my own process of learning one with myself is the same that happens when I'm out and about so i can have sort of realizations and aha moments all the time like yesterday I looked at a picture of my baby niece and she was sucking on her clothing and was all wet and I just thought of an idea that certain time period of clothing could actually have like a teething toy in the clothing because the baby is not yet quite able to really hold on to a toy for very long and put it in their mouth but they could probably grab the collar and put it in their mouth whereas if it's like a toy and it falls over to the side they're not going to reach out and grab it so that was an idea I had and that I had another idea that one day a person will be able to pay for an item in the store with their fun and not have to line up at the till so right now it's Christmas shopping time there's big lineups people could have like a square reader and and the store knows that you're in the store and scan the item and off you go and I had another idea too but I forget what it was but these are just ideas and and those happen on time for me and I get tons of them and that'll really have the time or energy to pursue them nor do I really want to but it can be fun to have those types of ideas and I feel like people who have access to this inside consciousness are creative with ideas even though they may not have the means or want to carry it out because if a person has a thousand decent ideas in a given year they're not really going to carry them all out it's impossible whereas there's other people out there who have the capacity to carry out a good idea but don't really have any good ideas so I think that's something that could be explored as well well let's see if that stopped so another thing is that sort of unrelated but I met up with a new friend recently and what was interesting was that I didn't have this urge to out myself as being diagnosed with bipolar disorder it was almost like all of this talking I've