Hello, and welcome back to *Wreaking More Joy*.

I’m Janette Dalgliesh, and in this first season of episodes we’re exploring how women can rekindle the romance with our own purpose, joy, and personal power in our working lives — without draining ourselves dry in the process.

Since this is going live at the very end of 2025, when many of us are making plans for next year, I want to drag a particularly insidious, toxic brain weasel into the light - not so we can ‘fix ourselves’ (cuz remember, we’re not broken) but so we can spot its b******t, take it way less seriously, and begin to ensure it’s not driving the bus any more.

We’re going to talk about something many women quietly live with: the relentless pressure to prove ourselves, by working harder or by being a ‘better version’ of our own selves.

As I’m recording this, I know that there are hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of women making new year resolutions that have their inspiration in some form of ‘be my best self this year’.

You might be listening to this episode in late December, planning the whole of 2026, or you might be listening to it on a random Tuesday in April, planning tomorrow.

The same potential brain weasel can be present in both those spaces.

It’s a jagged little piece that says ‘I’m not yet good enough, I have to be better’.

I am all for living a more joy-filled and satisfying life! But I’m also deeply wary of the implication that the pathway to that is to be ‘better’ at stuff. To be better at productivity, or better at joy, or better at being oneself.

We are not imagining that pressure to be better.

It’s out there, it’s ubiquitous, and it didn’t appear out of nowhere.

And it’s waaaaaay less powerful if you can drag it into the daylight, where you can name the monster fully.

If you’re alive right now, you are part of a new phenomenon.

My mum left her tiny village in the north of England to train as a nurse in one of London’s great teaching hospitals, and for a few years she embraced her chosen profession. But when she fell pregnant with me, she was prohibited from working in that job any more.

I can remember the day women in Australia were finally able to get a line of credit without permission from a man.

This stuff is living history - and in some parts of the world (yes, USA, I’m looking at you), it feels like we’re on the brink of returning to that recent past.

So many professions and workplace systems are many hundreds of years old, but women — structurally, legally, and professionally — have only been part of those systems for maybe 60 or 70 years; even less in some industries.

Whether you’re a boomer or Gen Z, that means:

* we are largely entering systems that weren’t designed with us in mind

* criteria for success were defined by men, for men

* our presence has often been conditional upon exceeding the criteria set for men

* and all too often, we’ve been the minority in the room, giving rise to the feeling that we don’t really belong.

This isn’t just personal, either. It means that men get to be individuals, while women get to be symbolic.

If you did well, it was: “what a surprise, a woman can do this job.”

And if you slipped — even slightly, it was “see, women aren’t suited for this after all.”

We learned at our mother’s knee, that if we’re going to express our purpose in the world, we have to prove ourselves over and over and over again.

And yes, in some industries that were previously female-dominated - usually the caring professions which mirrored our old domestic roles - the roles are flipped so that men constantly have to prove themselves. But that generally applies only to the workers at the ‘coalface’, while women in leadership roles are either rare, or having to do it like a man, even in those industries.

From the systems around us, we thoroughly absorbed the messaging:

* Don’t give them a reason to doubt me

* Don’t be the one who sets women back

* Don’t show weakness or they’ll come for you

* Don’t ask for help or you’ll prove the naysayers right

Nobody even needed to say those words out loud… we heard them, loud and clear.

And because we have clever brains, they witnessed this BS and they made coping mechanisms to protect us - mechanisms such as:

* over-preparing

* anticipating criticism so we can prevent it

* taking on more than our share of emotional labour

* running “danger scans” as a low-hum of background anxiety, all the time

* avoiding mistakes at any cost

This can happen even in women who are confident, wildly capable, and deeply successful.

In fact, I could argue that it’s especially active in women who are more visibly successful, because the stakes feel even higher. And because we see the vitriol launched against those women every time we visit the comments online, or listen to the worst of the watercooler gossip.

And it’s no longer even exclusive to being in the workforce. Every new parent knows the jackals are out there, just waiting to judge.

But here, we are talking about our relationship with our own purpose.

When you hear commentary that says things like “One mistake is evidence that people like you don’t belong here”, or “You must all prove you deserve your seats at this table”, that’s not merely personal performance pressure. That’s an existential threat to your wellbeing.

No wonder so many women operate at full-throttle, even in situations when no one is actively demanding it anymore.

The brain weasels wired into our heads persist, long after the situation changes.

And it’s even worse when we create our own gig, only to find the brain weasel and all its crapola has followed us, like toilet paper stuck to our shoe.

If any of this sounds familiar, it’s not because you’re lacking in confidence, or disorganised, or weak, or confused (even though you might be FEELING that way).

It’s because you’ve been so strong for so long, in conditions that treat your humanity as a liability.

Here’s the good news.

This is a brain weasel that’s usually been hiding in the dark for so long, we don’t recognise it as such.

Yes, it’s true that in so many systems and workplaces, an individual woman may find herself having to prove her competence. And yes, that is absolutely enraging.

But it’s also true that:

* you are no longer the first woman in your industry

* you are not required to carry the reputation of your entire gender

* you have more power than your brain weasels like to pretend

* your individual situation right now is not a permanent state of being; change can happen

* you are allowed to seek support, if your current situation is intolerable

You deserve to feel the joy of fulfilling your purpose, in ways that please YOU.

Because that joy disrupts the systems that profit from women being tired, self-doubting, and self-erasing.

Since this episode is going live with the energy of the new year, I’m going to invite you to add the following as you set your intentions for the year ahead. And of course, you can apply this same principle any time you’re making plans, whether it’s for a whole year, a quarter, a week or even a day.

Because it’s sooooo easy to fall into the trap of making a to-do list long enough to choke a horse, or creating a set of standards for improvement that deep down feel like an energy drain or perhaps even a punishment (ugh!).

As you’re making plans, notice the places where you might be reacting to that brain weasel urge

* to prove your value

* to overwork and overcommit

* to accept responsibility that was never yours

* to accept conditions that inhibit your joy

When you catch that lil bugger, pause — just for a moment — and ask yourself “Is this pressure coming from my actual present reality, or from a much older story in my own wiring?”

If it’s a brain weasel at play, remind it that:

* I am not in 1961 even when systems around me try to mimic it.

* I am not the first woman in my line of work.

* My presence here is not on trial.

* I get to belong in my chosen career, without paying for it with exhaustion.

Let that awareness sink into your bones, and then invite your brain weasel to take a seat at the back of the bus, since it is no longer in charge.

Once that brain weasel is no longer in charge, you can create your future plans with two key criteria in mind:

* This fulfils my purpose in the world

* This allows me to serve my people in ways that bring me joy

Thank you for joining me for this episode of *Wreaking More Joy*.

If this conversation resonated, please share it with another woman who may need to hear that she is not alone, she is not imagining it, and she is not required to earn her right to exist in her chosen profession - especially when it comes to planning what’s next.

Thanks for reading Wreaking More Joy! This post is public so feel free to share it.

And if you’re accessing this while in the week between December Solstice and the beginning of 2026, consider this my invitation to:

Rest if you’re tired.

Ask for what you need.

Remember that you belong — not because you never falter or because you’re ‘perfect’, but because you are here, doing the work with your beautiful, messy human heart, and that’s a glorious thing.

See you in the next episode, when we’ll meet one of the most misunderstood planetary allies, and explore how the lord of limitations can help you unleash yourself into true freedom.

Wreaking More Joy is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Get full access to Wreaking More Joy at janettedalgliesh.substack.com/subscribe