This morning, we’re continuing our message series that will serve as a guide to healthy relationships.  A relationship is simply a connection between two people.  Just because two people are connected, that doesn’t make it a good connection nor a healthy connection nor a connection that should even be there.

Relationships can be difficult and so God has given us a whole host of tools that we can use to make them function the way that He intended them to.  So far, we learned about the love of God and the need for mutual understanding.  Last week, we learned about the need for healthy boundaries and how God created them as safeguards for us all throughout His creation. 

This week, we continue learning about this tool and in a very practical way how to discern the need for a boundary, how to put it in place, how to communicate it to others, and how to maintain it.

To learn about these things, we go to the word of God in the book of Nehemiah.  Now this book is all about a physical boundary that was needed around the border of Jerusalem.  However, the same principals apply to the boundaries in our relationships with one another.  As the saying goes, “Good fences make good neighbors.”

Nehemiah 1

1 The words of Nehemiah son of Hakaliah:

In the month of Kislev in the twentieth year, while I was in the citadel of Susa, 2 Hanani, one of my brothers, came from Judah with some other men, and I questioned them about the Jewish remnant that had survived the exile, and also about Jerusalem.

3 They said to me, “Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire.”

4 When I heard these things, I sat down and wept.

When boundaries are missing or misplaced in our lives, our emotions are usually the first to reveal it.  God’s people were in great trouble and disgrace and it caused Nehemiah to weep. 

Missing or misplaced boundaries in our lives do not just affect us, they affect everyone around us. 

If we overspend on entertainment and come up short when it comes time to buy groceries, it affects our whole household.  If we always cave in to our over-demanding employer, our spouse and children end up suffering when we have to abandon them to stay and work overtime or weekends.

They affect those around us, but it is usually emotions that are the indicator that boundaries are needed or are needed to be adjusted.  For example:

If that buddy comes over and spends the night, you suffer knowing that you’ll spend the next day cleaning up the mess that he created.  If we take an extra drive around the block before you enter your workplace or home because you dread the environment that you know you are going to walk into.  If they put their hand on your back or shoulder or always need to give you a tight, close hug that makes you cringe.

If you see that person in a store and so you walk to the other side of it or walk out to avoid them asking you a favor or talking to you forever.  If a coworker or schoolmate walks toward you and you fake answer your phone and carry on an imaginary conversation to avoid them.  If you see a phone number come up, so you ignore it or leave a text message unread just to avoid dealing with someone or a situation.

When these things happen, there are usually emotions involved that alert us that boundaries should have been in place.  Trouble, disgrace, weeping, anger, cringing, etc. 

Emotions can be a tool that helps us to discern where boundaries need put into place in our lives. 

Nehemiah 1

4 For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. 5 Then I said:

“Lord, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, 6 let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of