One of my favorite relationship tools is to come up with a code word that is designed to help pattern interrupt something hard that's happening for one or both people in the connection. It’s a way to show up for each other in a healthy, loving, and collaborative way, and help each other feel more seen and supported. I share three examples of how this has shown up in my relationships and others that I’ve witnessed, including my dad and his partner, and a couple that I coach in The Relationship Dojo.

When you use code words, it signals to your partner that you’ve agreed to show up in a certain way. It’s a powerful tool to implement if you’re noticing things that are not supporting your relationship to grow or really choose each other. It’s also helpful for tapping into your unconscious programming and confronting your triggers.

One of the most important parts of implementing a code word is coming up with a phrase that matches the energy of where you want to move towards. It’s also crucial that everyone in the relationship commits to never using it against each other. I share some tips for how to create your own code words and introduce them into your partnership in a sustainable way.

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