Halloween is almost here and so many people are excited to get their costumes together and for a night, to be someone or something else. It’s a great tradition and allows our alter ego to shine. Maybe we even celebrate for a few days leading up to the big night, but we know that it is simply a costume and that we are still ourselves underneath the wigs, clothes, props and masks we wear for this holiday.

What does it mean “to wear a mask?” Traditionally, on Halloween it was believed that the veil between this realm and that of the dead is at its thinnest. Masks were worn to disguise us from being recognized by the souls that return from the dead that evening and to possibly scare them off.

Ironically, we all wear masks everyday of our lives. We dummy down and modify our natural self in order to fit into the situations we are in, but is your mask painted on or do you wear a stiff mask that totally hides who you are? I think of Jim Carrey in The Mask and how the stiff wooden mask transforms into a mask that is pliable and painted on. One totally hid his face while the other transformed his character into an alter ego of him.

So what type of mask are you wearing? The wooden one, or one that is adaptive but pliable enough to reveal who you are? Why do we feel compelled to wear masks and what does that say about the reality we are living in when we don certain masks that we feel help us adapt to the situation we are in? Why do we feel the need to cover up who we are or how we feel, or to dampen down our natural self? It’s normal and natural to do so and most of us learned to do this as children.

As we grew, certain behaviors brought us either the response we wanted or taught us that it didn’t work. Others reactions and responses to us help shape how we present ourselves or what we choose to hide from others. You know the feeling. We repeat those behaviors that brought us what we wanted and suppressed those that resulted in punishment. Our choices either brought us praise or perhaps criticism so we learned to act in certain ways so as to bring out the responses we wanted. In doing so, how often did you have to suppress your natural self? When we do that often enough I think we lose our connection to that core self, having covered it up with different masks and costumes that we thought we should wear.

There are also those situations that were scary, anxiety provoking, or arousing that taught us reactionary physiological arousal that fuels our behavior. These physiological reactions are out of our conscious awareness and in a stimulus response pattern, we get triggered by something. Certain scents, visual cues, sounds or stimuli can bring on immediate fear in some or bring us to tears of sadness or even joy. We make connections between certain stimuli that we associate with a fearful situation or reminds us of something we didn’t like in the past somehow.

This type of conditioning primes us for reacting with the same emotion when we find ourselves in a similar situation in the future. The anxiety that unconsciously governs our “reactions” throughout our lives are useful in many circumstances, but when we get triggered in relationships because the situation reminds us of past trauma, that is when we need to awaken to this connection. Unless we become mindful of those associations, we will continue to react, instead of responding in the moment. Leaving the past where it belongs is not only vital to our thinking patterns that lead to behaviors, but we also need to change those reactions so that we don’t color the present with the emotions of the past. Easy to say. Harder to do.

When we become aware of those connections, we are empowered to effect change in our lives. As humans, we possess consciousness that allows us to step back from our reactions to observe what is happening. This elevates us above other animals in important ways. This faculty allows us to make changes to automatic behaviors and reactions that have become ingrained in our repertoire. It may not be easy to break these connections, but it is possible.

If we are to emerge from our conditioning to allow our authentic self to be uncovered and discovered, we need to examine what roles we might be playing and ask ourselves if those roles are functional for us anymore or are they outdated. In fact, awareness of those roles allows us to examine the nature of any particular role so that we can begin to live more consciously. We can shed those roles like garments we’ve outgrown or simply alter those garments to fit the times. Another way to put it is that we can wear these “roles” like costumes but not forget who we are underneath that facade.

Can we dare to dive deep within to see if we are truly in touch with our inner voice or are we simply conforming to behaviors we believe are correct because that is what we have learned? What might have worked for us as children had to evolve if we were to fit in as we grew up, yet even as adults we find ourselves entangled in our roles, feeling we have to be as we have always been. A woman who is in a committed relationship may feel that it is her “role” to assume certain tasks for the family. The same is true for a man. But how can our individuality survive if we live lives ruled by ideal roles or models instead of discovering and living from our core?

As our circumstances change we are faced with a new “role” to “play” or mask to put on it seems. When our children were small, our responsibilities as a parent were to guide and protect them, loosening those reins as they grew. When we coupled up with another after being single, our behaviors evolved from flying solo to flying together. We had to adjust. But at what cost to our authentic self do we pay if we wear these new roles unconsciously, assuming that is who we are now?

We learned that we’ve needed to modify our behaviors depending on the situation and the mix of people who are part of it. Sometimes we’ve had to dampen down certain tendencies we have because it didn’t “fit” the circumstances we were in in that moment. At other times we are called out of our comfort zone to be more outspoken or outgoing—to extravert—or to be less so in other circumstances—to introvert.

In this way, our behaviors become patterns and oftentimes slip into our unconscious lying dormant until the events in a situation call forth the need for those behaviors again. But what happens when we want to change? What do we keep and what do we discard? Do we discard former behaviors or reactions or would it be better to just modify them? When we are faced with transitions in our lives, these are the types of questions that emerge.

For example, if you choose to stop drinking alcohol, will that alter what you do for recreation or who you hang out with? Or if you get a promotion, how will you relate to your former colleagues who you must now supervise? Or what happens when you have children who are now parents themselves? How does your “role” evolve from parent to grandparent? Will you find your role models in your own parents or grandparents, or will you create your own version? We have to remove the masks to reveal the authentic Self within if we want a real soul connection with others. When we connect on a soul level, we are not only honoring the soul of the other person, but we feel seen and honored as well.

When we are upset, we put on a number of potential masks that we have stored in our emergency closet. Will it be my Tough Child mask I feel compelled to wear this time, or is it the Desperate Child mask that takes over? You know the two different masks: the Tough Child mask says, “I don’t need you! You can’t hurt me. I am fine by myself and can carry on my life without you!“ And then you also know the Desperate Child mask who pleads, “Please don’t leave me! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean what I said! I promise I won’t do that again…“ Why do we find it so hard to find our true feelings and then to express them? Why do our defenses cause us to make excuses, or rationalize, or deny what is? Can we become quiet enough so that our inner voice can be heard?

That inner voice is the Self that needs to be seen and recognized. That inner voice is only wanting to glean the lesson for the experience and to awaken and live in the present moment instead of being dragged into the past over and over again. We wear those mask when in reality all we want is love. All we want is to be seen, heard, to be understood and shown compassion and care. So why don’t we just ask for it? Can we get past our defenses and reach down to let the inner Self express what it truly feels, wants and thinks? If we want to be heard at a soul level, we have to be in touch with our soul. That means we have to first recognize when we are using our masks as defenses, and drop the roles that we’ve learned that help us feel safe, and allow the true authentic Self to guide us. We can start by recognizing the masks that we’ve kept in our stash box ready to put on at the most appropriate moment, and with courage, step forth into a more fulfilling and soulful place to allow our souls to be known and seen. We have to get real with ourselves and that’s not always easy. In fact, I don’t think it’s ever easy!

~ Namaste

Music Credit Acknowledgment:

https://uppbeat.io/t/rahul-popawala/north-indian-alleys

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