Marital resilience starts with a well-grounded understanding of what marriage is and what it isn’t.

A lot of couples get themselves into trouble because they make a very simple mistake: they expect marriage to make them happy. In practice, this mindset translates into an expectation that their spouse must make them happy. So whenever they are not happy, they project their unhappiness onto their spouse, making their spouse responsible and adding stress to the relationship.

https://smartloving.org/resilience-of-the-marital-kind/