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Resolving Conflict Through Circle with Sophie Docker
Moving From Right and Wrong to Impact
Sophie (www.openedge.org.uk, www.restorativeengagementforum.com)) and Tessa talked about:
• Moving away from right and wrong dynamics to a different way of engaging
• Restorative justice addresses harm after it has happened e.g. working with local police
• Restorative practice is about every interaction, shifting out of who’s right and wrong and to what really matters and how can we move forwards
• I-messaging means talking from my personal experience rather than you language or how it is (as if factual) – what’s true for me is indisputable and allows space for difference
• Speaking from multiple social truths
• Move away from divisive, binary debating to what matters
• Important to create a container for this different style of communicating, which involves getting consent to work WITH people rather than do a process to people
• Where there is conflict, a risk assessment needs to be done to determine if there is a willingness to shift – can ask, “What needs are being met by not moving and what needs are not being met by moving your views?”
• Having enough support is critical for facilitators – lack of support can show up as physical symptoms
• Debriefing helps to process the facilitation and move from reactivity to memory
• Constantly trying to prove rightness and wrongness is costly in terms of your nervous system
• Circle spaces can create a more equal space than other set ups – important to become ‘power literate’
• ‘Flat’ organisations usually hide power dynamics
• Ways of dealing with power differentials could be to decide the order in which people speak or not having everyone speak
• Want to avoid ‘group think’ where focus on sameness rather than making space for difference, although it’s understandable to focus on sameness to ensure belonging where there’s less power
• Bringing authenticity into communication is countercultural! E.g. Not to slip into saying “I’m fine” when you’re not.
• I-messaging is a way to be authentic and belong
If you are interested in developing your skills and bringing a nonviolent lens to your life and work you can attend one of Sophie's courses, there is more info on her website [email protected]. She has a 2-day residential Nonviolent Communication foundation - Beyond A Story of Separation coming up at Hawkwood College 30th Sept - 2nd October.
The tool and consciousness developed as part of Nonviolent Communication, together with Restorative and Transformative justice approaches underpin all of the work Sophie does, and offer a way to transform the way you meet life and relate in your family, workplace and community. Over the two days of this certified course, she will share this approach and together you will explore and practice ways of transforming tension, stuckness or conflict into more power, choice, freedom, compassion and deeper connection with yourself and others. You will start bring a systemic lens, understaning yourself as part of a system, and grow the muscles needed to walk out of the story of separation and polarisation that shapes life and into more meaning full, congruent, caring, boundaried ways of being.
For more information see Sophiedocker.com or get in touch with Sophie directly if you would like to explore if this is for you. [email protected]
You can order our book Circle Holding: A Practical Guide to Facilitating Talking Circles here:
https://www.circleholding.org/book
Support our podcast. If you love the conversations and would love for us to create a fourth series you can support our podcast by donating £5, £10 or any other amount:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/spread-stories-of-communities-building-circles-of-hope/
You can order our book Circle Holding: A Practical Guide to Facilitating Talking Circles on Amazon (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Circle-Holding-Practical-Facilitating-Talking/dp/1805013157/)
To learn more about facilitating circles you can join one of our trainings:
https://www.circleholding.org
Tessa's trainings can also be found at
[https://www.tessavenutisanderson.co.uk/circles/circle-training]
IG @tessa.venuti.sanderson
We love to hear from circle facilitators and circle goers so please email us at [email protected]
Music credit: Fabio Venuti
View all episodes
By Julia Davis and Tessa Venuti SandersonMoving From Right and Wrong to Impact
Sophie (www.openedge.org.uk, www.restorativeengagementforum.com)) and Tessa talked about:
• Moving away from right and wrong dynamics to a different way of engaging
• Restorative justice addresses harm after it has happened e.g. working with local police
• Restorative practice is about every interaction, shifting out of who’s right and wrong and to what really matters and how can we move forwards
• I-messaging means talking from my personal experience rather than you language or how it is (as if factual) – what’s true for me is indisputable and allows space for difference
• Speaking from multiple social truths
• Move away from divisive, binary debating to what matters
• Important to create a container for this different style of communicating, which involves getting consent to work WITH people rather than do a process to people
• Where there is conflict, a risk assessment needs to be done to determine if there is a willingness to shift – can ask, “What needs are being met by not moving and what needs are not being met by moving your views?”
• Having enough support is critical for facilitators – lack of support can show up as physical symptoms
• Debriefing helps to process the facilitation and move from reactivity to memory
• Constantly trying to prove rightness and wrongness is costly in terms of your nervous system
• Circle spaces can create a more equal space than other set ups – important to become ‘power literate’
• ‘Flat’ organisations usually hide power dynamics
• Ways of dealing with power differentials could be to decide the order in which people speak or not having everyone speak
• Want to avoid ‘group think’ where focus on sameness rather than making space for difference, although it’s understandable to focus on sameness to ensure belonging where there’s less power
• Bringing authenticity into communication is countercultural! E.g. Not to slip into saying “I’m fine” when you’re not.
• I-messaging is a way to be authentic and belong
If you are interested in developing your skills and bringing a nonviolent lens to your life and work you can attend one of Sophie's courses, there is more info on her website [email protected]. She has a 2-day residential Nonviolent Communication foundation - Beyond A Story of Separation coming up at Hawkwood College 30th Sept - 2nd October.
The tool and consciousness developed as part of Nonviolent Communication, together with Restorative and Transformative justice approaches underpin all of the work Sophie does, and offer a way to transform the way you meet life and relate in your family, workplace and community. Over the two days of this certified course, she will share this approach and together you will explore and practice ways of transforming tension, stuckness or conflict into more power, choice, freedom, compassion and deeper connection with yourself and others. You will start bring a systemic lens, understaning yourself as part of a system, and grow the muscles needed to walk out of the story of separation and polarisation that shapes life and into more meaning full, congruent, caring, boundaried ways of being.
For more information see Sophiedocker.com or get in touch with Sophie directly if you would like to explore if this is for you. [email protected]
You can order our book Circle Holding: A Practical Guide to Facilitating Talking Circles here:
https://www.circleholding.org/book
Support our podcast. If you love the conversations and would love for us to create a fourth series you can support our podcast by donating £5, £10 or any other amount:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/spread-stories-of-communities-building-circles-of-hope/
You can order our book Circle Holding: A Practical Guide to Facilitating Talking Circles on Amazon (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Circle-Holding-Practical-Facilitating-Talking/dp/1805013157/)
To learn more about facilitating circles you can join one of our trainings:
https://www.circleholding.org
Tessa's trainings can also be found at
[https://www.tessavenutisanderson.co.uk/circles/circle-training]
IG @tessa.venuti.sanderson
We love to hear from circle facilitators and circle goers so please email us at [email protected]
Music credit: Fabio Venuti