Let’s talk about something you’re probably not gonna find on a typical Valentine’s Day playlist.

No roses, no candlelit vibes, or fancy velvet chocolate boxes!

Let’s talk about something a little deeper.

That topic is narcissism.

Yeah, I know….probably not what you expected. But hear me out.

Not in the usual way.

Because we’ve already seen the posts, the TikToks, the angry YouTube rants.

We know the terms by now: gaslighting, love bombing, trauma bonding… all that.

And all of it?

It’s real, painful, and it certainly matters.

But this episode?

It’s not really about them.

It’s FOR them.

And more than that… it’s for the part in US that didn’t want to hear what we knew deep down.

The part that tuned it out and wanted to believe love was enough.

Truth is?

We haven’t always kept it 100 with ourselves either.

We haven’t always loved people as well as we thought we were.

So before you check out and think, “This ain’t about me,” let me ask you something.

What if that person you once labeled toxic… was really just holding up a mirror to something in you that hadn’t healed yet?

What if they didn’t come to break your heart, but showed up to break your pattern?

Because narcissism at the core?

It’s not power, confidence, or strength.

Sometimes, it’s fear wearing a mask.

And we’re so hungry to feel seen, so starved for affection, that we stop paying attention to who we’re letting see us.

And here’s the twist a lot of people don’t want to admit.

We’re not above it either.

That same pattern?

It creeps into our behavior too, in little ways. Quiet ways. All the time.

I’ve had my own moments… hard, humbling ones where somebody called me out, and whew… I didn’t like it.

One time someone told me, “You complain too much.”

And I was like… excuse me?

Me??

Man I’m the calm one. I keep the peace. I talk things out. I’m grown.

But for real though, that little sentence had me thinking. So I started paying attention to how I spoke throughout the day.

And come on… I found I was narrating my stress like it was a podcast.

Every small thing that went wrong? I had commentary.

And they weren’t wrong.

Not because I was a negative person, but because I hadn’t learned to pause before saying what I was feeling out loud.

I hadn’t trained my brain to process things in silence first.

So I started working on it.

Didn’t get it perfect. Still don’t. But I grew.

Then there was this other life altering moment. Somebody close to me brought this self awareness exercise to the table. We were taking a drive.

I don’t even remember the name of this exercise, but it was sneaky… and effective.

Basically, you listen to someone tell a short story.

Then, when they finish, you respond.

Simple, right?

Nope. Obviously not for me…

I didn’t even make it fifteen seconds.

I interrupted with something about my life because… well, I related, right?

Wrong again.

The person running the exercise stopped me and said,

“You already failed. You’re not listening.”

And man… I felt that in my bones.

It wasn’t just embarrassing.

It was eye opening.

Because real listening?

It’s not about waiting for your turn to talk or jumping in with your version.

It’s about being present enough to let someone else’s experience be real without trying to slide yours in next to it.

And yeah… in that moment, I had to admit:

It was time to check myself.

And that right there… that’s what this episode is all about.

We act like narcissists are some kind of monsters.

Like they’re evil. Hopeless. Trash to be taken out with last night’s leftovers.

But what if they’re not all… just villains?

What if some of them are people who never felt safe being vulnerable?

What if all that show they put on is a survival tactic they never learned how to drop?

Love doesn’t always fix people.

But it can offer a mirror.

It can invite people to look deeper.

Sometimes, love sounds like:

“You don’t have to control everything to feel okay.”

Or

“I’m not here to destroy you… but I’m not disappearing to make you comfortable, either.”

Science backs this too.

Not just vibes… real brain science.

Polyvagal theory tells us that felt safety… like actual nervous system safety… can rewire the way we respond to people.

Mirror neurons in our brains literally copy the emotional vibe of whoever we’re around.

So if someone’s met with steady, non performative love, not the kind they gotta earn, but the kind that just is… it can wake something up in them that’s been quiet for years.

So yeah. Love can change people.

But it starts with how we love ourselves.

And let me clear something else up too, before we go any further.

The opposite of narcissism?

It’s not being a doormat.

It’s not losing yourself to make someone else happy.

It’s knowing yourself so clearly, so honestly, that you don’t need to control anyone around you.

It’s that deep self awareness.

That emotional honesty.

The kind that says, “I know what I need… and I’m gonna honor what you need too.”

Love ain’t always soft and sweet.

Sometimes, it’s gritty.

It’s uncomfortable.

It’s catching yourself mid complaint and switching it up.

It’s noticing when you’re listening just to relate, instead of to understand.

It’s forgiving yourself for the stuff you missed.

And choosing growth instead of defense.

If you want to love this world better… especially the hard people in it… start with you.

Not that fake love where you say “I’m good” but you’re not.

Or the kind where you post affirmations but ignore your feelings.

I’m talking about that real, grounded, messy love.

Love that sees your flaws and stays.

Love that sits with your shame and says, “We’re not running today,” then gives freely, not for credit, but because you’re love.

So wherever you are this Valentine’s Day…

In love, out of it, healing from it, or learning to love again…

I hope you choose this:

Compassion over arrogance. Openness over dominance. Progress over self importance. Calm over validation.

Because real love… not that fairy tale version, but the deep, healing kind… that kind will always lead you back home.

I just wanna pause for a second and speak to the ones who feel everything.

You might be the one in your circle who sees through stuff before anyone else notices a thing.

The one who can walk into a room and feel the tension before a word is said.

The one who spots manipulation or fake energy from a mile away.

That can make you feel crazy sometimes.

Or make you feel like you’re overly sensitive.

Like, “Why do I always end up in these weird situations with people who got some mess going on?”

But maybe it’s not random.

Maybe you were built to see.

Not to fix, fight, or play therapist.

Just to experience.

To learn.

And to move smarter the next time.

Take a look around… this season we’re in right now?

A lot of hidden behavior is getting exposed.

Stuff that used to stay hidden away in the dark is hitting the light.

And once the lights are on, baby, you can’t unsee it.

So if you’ve found yourself tangled up in some confusing relationships…

With folks who projected their pain on you…

Or made you question your own peace…

Don’t sit there judging yourself.

Don’t beat yourself up like you were weak or naive.

Maybe you were just learning to see.

And now?

You move different.

You notice faster.

You trust quicker.

You don’t ignore red flags just to keep the peace.

And you find that’s not failure.

That’s growth.

And love is still a part of that too.

Even when you walk away, you don’t have to walk away bitter.

You can leave wiser… and still keep your heart soft.

Have anyone ever called you super intuitive or an empath? That just means you’ve healed enough to feel everything clearly now.

You sense what others try to hide.

And carry peace, and that peace? It rattles people who haven’t found their own.

You’re doing nothing wrong.

You’re just probably a mirror.

I had to learn this one personally.

Sometimes just existing in your truth is enough to shake a room.

Especially if the people in it haven’t faced their own guilt, shame, or control issues.

And narcissists? Whew…

They’ll flip the script so fast.

Suddenly, you’re the problem.

You’re the one “complaining.”

You’re “too sensitive.”

But really?

You’re just showing them what they’re avoiding in themselves.

That’s why love is still the answer.

Love doesn’t argue just to be understood.

Love knows when it’s time to walk away… and does it without bitterness.

If your presence keeps getting twisted into a threat, you don’t owe anybody a watered down version of you.

It’s your job to stand.

To stay in your light.

And protect your peace.

The Meaning of “Molecular Love”

Before we wrap up, let me talk to you about a song I wrote that feels like a deep echo of this whole episode.

It’s called Molecular Love.

At first, it might sound like a soft love song. Something romantic. Soulful.

But under that? There’s something deeper.

It’s the kind of love that reminds you… you are what you’ve been looking for.

Whether you’re connecting with someone else or reconnecting with yourself… the truth doesn’t change: this love? It’s not out there.

It’s been in you the whole time.

The lyrics say:

“I didn’t fall in love.

I recalibrated to the shape I was always meant to hold.”

That’s what I mean when I say real love brings you home.

Sometimes that homecoming happens through solitude.

Sometimes, through someone who feels like they’ve been coded into your DNA.

Either way, it’s not about being fixed.

It’s about being found.

There’s a line in the song that says:

“When your eyes met mine,

something ancient resynced.”

That kind of connection doesn’t crash into you like lightning.

It eases into place like it never left.

It doesn’t complete you… it wakes up what already lived in you.

That’s why the language of the song blends science with spirit.

It’s not just romantic. It’s molecular.

Because we’re not made of just dust.

We’re made of memory.

Of energy.

Of meaning.

This isn’t about earning love or begging for it or performing to keep it.

This love is already written in your code.

In closing, I want to take a moment to shout out someone I deeply respect… Redeemed Rose.

She recently released a book called Escaping a Narcissist: Many Mask… and let me tell you, it takes real strength to not only walk away from that kind of environment, but to also speak on it, write about it, and use your pain to help others.

If you’re listening to this podcast because you’ve been there too, or you’re still finding your way out… go check her out. Her story is powerful, and her courage is undeniable.

I see you, Redeemed Rose. I’m proud of your strength.

Keep using your voice… because it’s helping others find theirs.

I love you all and Happy Valentine’s Day

🎙️ Artist Statement: Molecular Love

Molecular Love came to me during a transformative time in my life. I wasn’t trying to write a deep love song… I wanted a song that’ll help me and others embody our true essence, Love!

It has a double meaning.

Yeah, it can be about meeting someone whose energy feels familiar, like you’ve known them forever. But it’s also about realigning with you. Coming back to your own rhythm after being off track for a while.

I wanted the song to feel like a breath, nothing forced, just space to feel. (Notice the music breaks throughout)

Whether you’re with someone or walking solo, this track is about that moment when love feels natural again. When it doesn’t confuse you. When it makes sense in your body.

That’s what resonance over romance means to me.

Renee Mims

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