Sometimes we get things backwards. We focus on loving others while struggling to love each other well with our own efforts. When we read in the Bible that Jesus tells us to love each other the way He loves us in the Bible, we often skip the most important step in this development - first being loved by Jesus!

Attachment theory provides an explanation for our backwards ways. Three styles of insecure attachment point to lack of attunement from parents and caregivers. Insecure attachments get us stuck developmentally, keeping us from giving Jesus attention with our time.

Inviting the Holy Spirit to help us experience Jesus' love changes our insecure attachment to one that is secure in Jesus. His Spirit grows our eyes to see, ears to hear, heart & mind to perceive Jesus' attunement toward us. As we grow real safety with Jesus, our identity as His beloved grows too. It is from this identity that we genuinely love each other as we mature in character.