When people feel threatened by each other, it creates a chasm of mistrust. Self-preservation kicks in, and walls of defence go up. Sometimes, relationships tragically break down because of simple misunderstandings that create baseless fear. Other times, healthy boundaries are needed because of genuine abuse. Either way, it raises the question, “Can the bridge between us be rebuilt? If so, how?”

In this episode, I have the privilege of interviewing Dallas Harema, a dear friend of mine here in Aotearoa. Dallas and his wife Lucy have spent decades working with people from all walks of life to help diverse communities thrive together. They have to wrestle with this question every single day in the community work they do and have learnt so much along the way. I love Dallas’ honesty and openness on this incredibly difficult topic, and I reckon you will as well. 

Sometimes someone important in your life does something that causes you so much pain, it’s impossible to imagine the relationship ever being healed. When trust gets damaged this deeply, the thought of it ever being restored is unthinkable. Why would you bother considering what it would take for this person to make things right with you? 

In this short episode, I unpack some of my own journey and how I’ve found it helpful to reflect on what it would take for the people who have hurt me the most to restore their relationship with me. Whether or not they ever lift a finger to re-earn my trust, knowing what it would take to do so has been a huge part of my own healing in these relationships. Have a listen to hear why and how.

Each and every one of us is infinitely complex. Put two people together in a relationship, and now you’ve got infinite complexity times two! With all of that wonderful [or hellish] uniqueness, is it really worth even trying to understand each other? Is it even possible? 

In this episode, I interview Cora, who has in many ways, devoted her life to the pursuit of understanding people. As a certified CliftonStrengths Coach, certified Enneagram Coach, Restoring Connections Mentor, mother of four, and wife to a man of profound mystery [that’s a joke], she knows a LOT about what it takes to truly understand someone. She shares openly about what gives her confidence that it’s possible and gives some practical advice on how to overcome obstacles to better understand the people you love most.

Our current podcast series provides short overviews of each of the four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections.

They are: Personal Responsibility, Proactive Care, Powerful Communication, and Healthy Boundaries.

In this episode, we look a little closer at:

Healthy Boundaries - Protecting the Connection

and these principles:

1. I learn and keep learning my limits

2. I set up boundaries and break down walls

3. I set boundaries for me and let you set boundaries for you

4. I have a plan for unmet needs

Our current podcast series provides short overviews of each of the four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections.

They are: Personal Responsibility, Proactive Care, Powerful Communication, and Healthy Boundaries.

In this episode, we look a little closer at:

Powerful Communication - Guiding the Connection

and these principles:

1. I prepare myself before important conversations

2. I pursue understanding first and agreement second

3. I tell you about me and let you tell me about you

4. I participate in establishing a clear way forward

Our current podcast series provides short overviews of each of the four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections.

They are: Personal Responsibility, Proactive Care, Powerful Communication, and Healthy Boundaries.

In this episode, we look a little closer at: Proactive Care - Feeding the Connection

and these principles:

1. I care for you because I choose to.

2. I actively care for you even when I'm in pain.

3. I learn about you and care for you according to who you are.

4. I embrace my need to be cared for by you.

There are four core values at the heart of Restoring Connections.

 

They are:
1. Personal Responsibility 

2. Proactive Care

3. Powerful Communication 

4. Healthy Boundaries

These are practices we've gleaned from those we are mentored by and that we learn from regularly. They are ancient truths that we have simply brought together in a new format.

Restoring Connections was birthed out of the heartache and disappointments that we have navigated in our closest relationships. In our darkest moments, we had support from others who possessed the strength and wisdom that we needed. The lessons we have learned along the way have formed the core values of our training curriculum. It is now our privilege to support people in their own journey of strengthening their most important relationships and in turn, supporting them to mentor others also.

Close relationships are going to occasionally involve pain, and very close relationships are likely to occasionally involve a LOT of pain. Naturally, we want to do everything we can to avoid pain, but the reality is that pain isn’t what destroys relationships. Depending on how we respond to pain, it can either lead to confusion (the actual relationship killer), or it can lead to learning, growth, and deeper trust.

In this second episode of a 2-part series, I dive into an exploration of healthy ways to navigate through pain wholeheartedly. That means ensuring our words, actions, and feelings are all lining up even when it hurts. I share some of my own personal, painful experiences and some of the practical steps I implement that help me turn painful situations into personal growth, and deeper relationships with the most important people in my life.

Close relationships are going to occasionally involve pain, and very close relationships are likely to occasionally involve a LOT of pain. Naturally, we want to do everything we can to avoid pain, but the reality is that pain isn’t what destroys relationships. Depending on how we respond to pain, it can either lead to confusion (the actual relationship killer), or it can lead to learning, growth, and deeper trust.

In this first episode of a 2-part series, I dive into an exploration of healthy ways to navigate through pain wholeheartedly. That means ensuring our words, actions, and feelings are all lining up, even when it hurts. I share some of my own personal, painful experiences and some of the practical steps that I implement that help me turn painful situations into personal growth, and deeper relationships with the most important people in my life.

Shame, the feeling of inadequacy or being unworthy of love, is one of the most soul-destroying emotional experiences a human being can have.

It wreaks havoc on close relationships. Every one of us will wrestle with shame at some point in our lives. Many, if not most of us, wrestle with it on a daily basis. In the modern age of extraordinary communication technology, most of us live immersed in a shame-driven online culture where every possible human flaw is put under the magnifying glass for the world to critique. It can be terrifying and paralysing.

In this second episode of a 2-part series on ‘shame’, I draw on some very helpful wisdom from Cora regarding recognising ‘shaming’ practices that we use without realising it. We take a close look at why shaming is often a go-to behaviour, even with people we care for deeply [such as our own children] and what we can do practically to put the shaming tools down and pick up much healthier tools for communicating effectively with the closest people in our lives, especially when they are doing things that drive us nuts.