The Unmentionables Podcast

Rethinking Intimacy


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If chemistry has ever fooled you into thinking you’ve found closeness, this conversation offers a new map. We break down intimacy into a sequence that actually works—know, trust, rely, commit, then touch—and unpack why flipping that order can feel amazing at first and empty soon after. Along the way, we add the missing layers: emotional safety that makes honesty possible, and intellectual curiosity that keeps two minds playful, challenged, and aligned.

With Melissa’s therapist lens, we explore how attachment styles influence the way we seek or avoid closeness. Secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized patterns can make the same moment feel safe to one partner and threatening to another. The good news: these patterns aren’t destiny. Through self-awareness, therapy, and repeated positive experiences, couples can move toward secure connection. We offer practical language to lower defensiveness—asking “Do you want listening or feedback?”—and simple rituals that stabilize trust, like setting a clear time to reconnect when one person needs space.

We also tackle common friction points between men and women without caricatures or clichés. Many men are trained to prioritize the mission over emotion; many women need emotional responsiveness to feel bonded. Translation helps: a headline share without a forced deep dive, a hug while taking space, and clarity that “it’s not you.” We talk about depending on a partner without collapsing into dependency, repairing after missteps, and how small, consistent follow-through builds deep security over time. If you’re wondering how to feel seen, not just close, you’ll leave with steps you can try tonight.

If this sparked reflection, share it with someone you care about, subscribe for more candid conversations, and leave a review with one insight you’re planning to practice this week.

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The Unmentionables PodcastBy Evan and Melissa Queitsch