This week on Revenge: the Graysons are fighting again in that Grayson way that's less like fighting and more like doing your own thing while being snide to everyone around you while waiting for someone else to break first; see, whoever escalates the passive aggression to aggressive aggression is the real loser. So Danny is doing a sulk crawl through every room in Grayson manor hoping his mom will notice, Charlotte is spending money on Amanda in quantities just high enough to annoy Victoria, Ashley is around, Conrad is making time with his weirdly forceful whisper-insults, and they’re all pretty pissed at Victoria. To be fair, she did individually plan three separate and slightly different conspiracies with each of them. Starting from the top: as we know, she faked her death and then planned to run away with Charlotte, she then faked her kidnapping and the beating that allowed her to return from the dead with Conrad.

Wait thats only two..............................

Oh yeah! The conspiracy with Danny is where he pretends to be able to read and Victoria pretends to be proud of him.

Anyway! Everything starts getting messy when it turns out Danny did learn how to read somewhere along the line and he finds a note left by Aden that says “your mom is a big liar and was planning to run away with Charlotte and wasn’t even kidnapped.” Victoria declares a lockdown at Grayson Manor and officially bans Emily from the premises for her own good, so Emily resorts to using the faked-not-faked paternity test to force Amanda to start hanging out with the Graysons even though Jack explicitly forbade it. So yeah Jack is being a dick and Declan is stealing stuff and ughhhhhh fuck Declan I might just pretend he doesn’t exist for the rest go the show please is that ok?