Rewarding Audio Receptors

The Magic Kettle

A Short Story

by Skidmark Twain

Philosonson Drummertonville was thinking about Halvin Robberstonton again. Halvin was a snotty coward monster with short buttock and fat frophook.

Philosonson walked over to the window and reflected on his wild surroundings. He had always hated creepy Simpledimpletonville City with its large, lovely lofty peaks. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel ambivalent.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a snotty figure of Halvin Robberstonton.

Philosonson gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a dumpy, optimistic, liquor beer drinker with skinny buttock and tall frophook. His friends saw him as a grieving, greasy Giant Saint. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a xenophobic fluffy kitten.

But not even a dumpy person who had once jumped into a river and saved a xenophobic fluffy kitten, was prepared for what Halvin had in store today.

The sleet rained like running toads, making Philosonson unstable. Philosonson grabbed a magic kettle that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Philosonson stepped outside and Halvin came closer, he could see the fast smile on his face.

Halvin gazed with the affection of 2374 cold-blooded poised pigeons. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want revenge."

Philosonson looked back, even more unstable and still fingering the magic kettle. "Halvin, I am your father's father," he replied.

They looked at each other with puzzled feelings, like two fluttering, fantastic flies lumping at a very sinister Feast of St. Swithen's Day Eve, which had jazz music playing in the background and two popular uncles dumping to the beat.

Philosonson regarded Halvin's short buttock and fat frophook. "I feel the same way!" revealed Philosonson with a delighted grin.

Halvin looked sneezy, his emotions blushing like a grubby, gentle guillotine.

Then Halvin came inside for a nice drink of liquor beer.

THE END

Praise for The Magic Kettle

"I feel like I know Philosonson Drummertonville. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."

- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squirts."

- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the sleet rained like running toads is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."

- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."

- Zob Gloop