Rewriting Your Happily Ever After

At the New Delhi launch of Rewriting My Happily Ever After, I met Mekhla who listened to the honest conversations around my book about life after divorce but did not participate. Imagine my surprise when almost a year and half later, Mekhla emailed me with the offer to share her story on my podcast!

Mekhla's story, like that of the others who have featured on this podcast, is unique. In her case, Mekhla got into a love marriage with her first boyfriend. She expected it would be smooth sailing into an always pleasant happily-ever-after, thanks to images of perfectly happy couples portrayed by Bollywood movies, particularly, the Karan Johar stereotypical variety. Yet, a part other knew that she was wilfully ignoring the red flags.

In our discussion, Mekhla speaks about social conditioning and constant messaging that kept her stuck in her untenable marriage even though things got tough pretty quickly. The general tendency of society is to compare how much worse the situations of other unhappy women were while advising her to try harder to make it work. Although her career was suffering and the situation at home was not easy, she fell into the trap of believing that perhaps having a child will salvage her relationship with her husband.

Ironically, the birth of her daughter gave her the required clarity one day as her tears fell on the newborn's face. At that moment she realised that she deserved better and had to resurrect herself into a better version for the sake of her child.  Despite leaving her marital home with an infant in her arms, and rebuilding her career and life as a single parent, it still took her three years to get into the legal aspects of dissolving the marriage. Listen to Mekhla's story that she narrates with so much clarity and conviction.

The one question she asked other women who had walked away from their marriages was - "how do you know when you're ready to call it quits?" It took her time to get to that point of no return and some more time to act on it.

While Mekhla wouldn't wish a divorce on her worst enemies, here is what Mekhla would like to say to others who are procrastinating on the decision of whether to divorce or to stay:

Having a family member go through divorce still carries a stigma because your family is conscious of being judged and criticised for having somehow failed in keeping the couple together, says Mekhla. But her journey made her fearless and self-confident, something which is very attractive. She build a complete life with her daughter and to her own surprise, found the right person to share the rest of her life with. For the last two years, Mekhla has been happily remarried!

If you are looking for a feel-good story about reinventing yourself into a better avatar after a life-changing event like divorce, do listen to this episode and get inspired by someone who has been through it.

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Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

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Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter

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There has been a gap in publishing podcast episodes and it's all my fault. I have been busy with other things but when  a young woman contacted me after reading my book and offered to share her story, I knew, it was the sign I was waiting for.

This is the thirteenth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series, where I speak with Danya who had to face obstacles when she decided to marry her college sweetheart and then again when she realised that the marriage was not working out soon after. If you consider the fact that all this (the wedding and the subsequent divorce) happened with the Covid-19 pandemic in the background, you can understand how difficult and isolating the situation must have been for Danya.

They say love knows no barriers and in the first flush of romance, a lot of differences remain hidden from view. But marriage and its attendant expectations and responsibilities can create a deep rift fairly quickly. In Danya's case, the early days of her marriage involved moving to another town and adjusting to a family very different from the one she had grown up in. Despite seeking support and trying to make it work, when the time for a decision came, Danya waited for permission of some sort to walk away. She tells the story in this episode.

What is striking about Danya's journey is her willingness to talk about seeking therapy. Not just to make her marriage work but as a way to understand herself. It wasn't until she started working on herself that she realised many of her beliefs and motivations. She could also see how societal pressure, first insisting that girls get married followed by the pressure to stay married despite the untenable situation affects the ability to make decisions.

How has divorce changed her? "I am more mindful now, of the questions I ask people," she says. It is common for friends, relatives and acquaintances to ask about your spouse in casual conversations. Even an innocuous question like this becomes a loaded one for someone going through separation and divorce. There is a difference in being genuinely concerned for a person and making small talk just because it's expected. It's a fine line that all of us need to be cognisant of when we begin conversations.

Sharing her mental health journey with others has made Danya feel liberated and her frank sharing has given permission for others to seek help. Just like the episodes of this podcast that enable others to step forward and speak up.

We spoke about building support systems, a key component of moving on and becoming stronger after a divorce. Therapy is not something you do when you're at rock bottom. Just as going to gym for physical health is done on an ongoing basis, taking care of mental health is also an ongoing endeavour, Danya emphasises.

If you have not been married for long and are wondering what awaits you if you leave your unhappy marriage, do listen to this episode and get the perspective from someone who has been through it.

Please rate and review the show!

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

Let’s keep the conversation going!

Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter

To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email [email protected] or drop a comment below.

In the twelfth interview of the Desi Divorce Discussion series, I finally get to talk to Anu, a reader from California who sent me a heartfelt "Your book was a sign" message on Facebook right after reading my book. We stayed in touch as she went through a particularly difficult divorce journey and fortunately, we were able to meet in person in Singapore. 

Today's episode is really special because I have had many deep conversations with Anu and we were waiting for her divorce to be legally finalised before recording the podcast. Like my previous guest, Laila, Anu did not grow up in India, in fact, her life trajectory took her from Australia to the US without passing through India. Yet, as you listen to her story, you will know how Indian culture and upbringing impacts life's most important decision, marriage and of course, the fall out when it leads to divorce. 

Anu's credentials include an MBA from Harvard and an extremely successful career, but her belief that if you study hard and work hard, you will succeed was severely tested when it came to her unhappy marriage. The same rules of putting more effort to get ahead at work didn't seem to apply when it came to mending a dysfunctional relationship. In many ways, it wasn't fear of family or society that keep her stuck in a bad marriage, it was her own belief that she was not a quitter. It took many years and unpleasant events for Anu to learn that it was OK to quit. 

"In Indian marriages, longevity is celebrate, not quality. There is a huge push to adjust/compromise. Plus the burden of a successful marriage is always on the woman" says Anu. Her observations are spot on because these are things we have seen in our parents' marriage or in the comments made by people inner communities. Instead of congratulating a woman for all aspects of her personality and all areas of success, women get praised for their cooking abilities or their immaculate homes, further linking personal happiness to family life. 

Despite being a single mother, with her parents stuck in faraway Australia during the pandemic, Anu managed her separation and divorce procedures with the help of a supportive group of friends and taking her strength and her cues from her young daughter.

Here are some of the excellent points that Anu made that are relevant for anyone who is considering divorce:

Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.

Please rate and review the show!

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

Let’s keep the conversation going!

Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter

To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email [email protected] or drop a comment below.

The tenth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series is an unusual one with a remarkable story that will have you wondering about the nature of human relationships. Meet Rashmi, a single parent and entrepreneur from Nagpur who runs a wonderful library.

I saw Rashmi’s review for my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, in which she mentioned how my book reminded her of her own divorce journey. When I messaged her through Goodreads, she responded warmly and agreed to share her story on the podcast.

Like me, Rashmi grew up in Mumbai and loved reading. Moving to Nagpur after her love marriage, she settled into her new life which included her in-laws. But after her daughter’s birth when her marital life crumbled, Rashmi took a long time to come around to the idea of granting a divorce which was initiated by her husband.

Throughout the years of doubt and confusion followed by painful divorce proceedings, she continued to live with her in-laws who were her major source of support. Today, five years after the formal divorce was completed, she continues to live in Nagpur, with her ‘former’ in-laws.

Most of us who go through divorce know that losing key friendships and relationships is collateral damage. But as Rashmi’s story shows, your bond with people may transcend the simple relationship labels that society may place on them. “I got to keep both families,” says Rashmi.

Rashmi started a children’s library in Nagpur back in 2014 when the library scene was pretty barren, even for books for adults. And by pursuing her professional life by indulging her passion for books, she was able to create an independent identity for herself, a big step in opening herself up to becoming divorced, something that she had not ever considered.

Here are some pointers from Rashmi for women who may be hesitating about divorce like she did:

From Rashmi’s unique story of continuing to have a wonderful, supportive relationship with her ‘former’ in -laws, we can be reassured that our bonds with people that are based in love and mutual respect, can stand any test.

Check out Rashmi’s labor of love - Reading Rabbits Library in Nagpur with its vast collection of children’s books at www.readingrabbitslibrary.com.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.

Please rate and review the show!

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

Let’s keep the conversation going!

Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter

To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email [email protected] or drop a comment below.

The ninth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series features a highly accomplished person with a heart of gold. Meet Kiran, a trained sociologist who wears many hats, has worked in the corporate sector and as a freelancer, has been an activist and leads a community writing group. She also runs a cozy homestay in a small village in the Himalayas.

I found Kiran’s writing group on Facebook and when I shared information about my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, she read and also wrote a generous review on Amazon. More importantly, she made the time to come to the book reading session at Kunzum bookstore in New Delhi in June 2022. From that initial connection online to the first in person meeting and now through this podcast conversation, I am so grateful to get to know Kiran’s many facets and talents.

We spoke about culture and conditioning and how it affects our decision making. In spite of having the benefit of education and exposure to a satisfying work life, the decision to file for divorce can take years before one takes that irreversible step.

Disclosing one’s marital status as divorced can be traumatic due to unexpected and unpleasant response from society and to this day continues to influence many young women who choose to remain in unhappy relationships or prefer to hide their single (or single parent) status.

Whether it comes to choosing a spouse or to leave a marriage, women need to know that they have agency. For Kiran, learning to put herself first has been a huge lesson for her and it has taken a lot of work to make it a practice as well as train her grown children to accept this new empowered version of herself.

In her life after divorce journey, women friends have been the bedrock of her new life. Help and support has come to her from all directions and in the most unexpected ways.

Here are some wise words from Kiran to women who are hesitating on the brink of a divorce  include:

If you are looking for simple actionable ways to rebuild your life after divorce, listen to this thoughtful conversation and know that you are supported.

If you are looking for a restful homestay for repose, solitude and renewal where you can connect with nature and experience a change of pace, do check out Birdsong and Beyond.  Kiran can be reached via email at [email protected] and on Facebook and Instagram at the handle Himalayan Birdsong.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.

Please rate and review the show!

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

The eighth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series is completely honest, no-holds barred discussions with an amazing woman who has completely turned her life around after her divorce. 

Meet multi-faceted Reema Ahmad, author,  speaker, life coach, relationship and trauma counsellor. Reema and I met on Facebook and she contacted me when she read my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and was kind enough to leave a generous review on Amazon. Knowing that she was getting ready to launch her book shortly, I was keen on having her on the podcast. She happily agreed to do so despite her extremely busy life as an author of an unusual book, "Unparenting - Sharing awkward truths with curious kids". Reema's life journey has been rough. 

Marrying for love at the young age of 21 only to realise son after that this was not going to work out, she spent many years sitting on the fence, hesitant to walk out. And when she finally did, the divorce process was long and hard and nerve-wracking. Finding strength to endure unending legal proceedings while trying to do the right thing, be fair even when falling apart and choosing the high road when all you want to do is rage at the unfairness of the situation is not easy. Yet, that is what Reema did, as you fill find out in this conversation. 

Have you ever wondered how childhood trauma affects your choices as an adult? In this brutally honest interview, listen to Reema's story of falling apart and then finding her way back one step at a time to step into her power. She acquired two additional degrees, learnt about sexual abuse and how to help others as she raised her son as a single parent and became brave enough to write a book that touches on topics that no one wants to speak about. 

Instead fo perpetuating taboos and gender stereotypes, Reema's book shows how parents can become the trusted adult that a child feels comfortable talking to about everything and thus allows a truly precious parent-child bond to develop, one that enables the blossoming of a growing child into kind, considerate, reliable citizen of the world. 

Reema shares so much detail about her struggles but the main takeaways that stayed with me long after the conversations include: 

If you have wondered about how to rebuild your personal and professional life after divorce and raise your child in an unconventional but completely loving way, listen to Reema's wise words and compassionate approach to life. You will feel thoroughly energised. 

Reema can be contacted at [email protected] for coaching sessions. 

Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts. 

Please rate and review the show! 

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe! 

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after. Let’s keep the conversation going! 

Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter 

To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email [email protected] or drop a comment below.

The seventh interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series features a friend, Dr. Priya who was also my colleague in Hyderabad. During the years we spent at our workplace, I was going through my separation phase, followed by divorce while Priya was married. Later when she went through a divorce, she reached out and I shared some of my experiences. She has read my book Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and left a generous review on Amazon. Today, she speaks about her journey.

Through this podcast, my goal has been to showcase the various situations in which women find themselves when it comes to choosing to get a divorce despite their personal situations and limitations.

Have you ever wondered why professionally qualified, financially independent women who have been brave about their other choices hesitate to walk away from their marriage and how they finally come decide that they need to move on to a better life?

In this episode, Dr. Priya shares her story and sheds light on what makes a highly qualified and ambitious medical doctor stay in her unhappy marriage for eleven years. In Priya's case, there we no children involved, yet the decision to go for a divorce was not an easy one.  Listen to this interview to find out more.

As an only child of her doting parents, Priya continued to hold out the hope that her marital life would improve long after it was clear that she was the only one dedicated to the marriage despite a very rocky relationship with her in-laws. She was distraught the day she filed for divorce. Watching how this step to end her marriage changed people's perception of her and her social standing was painful.

Yet Priya found satisfaction in her work and solace in the other activities she undertook as she tried to pull herself together even as her marriage collapsed. She moved cities and changed jobs and continued to work towards financial independence and provide support to her ageing parents.

Priya’s advice to women who are going through a divorce is to face the hardships that come but to remain steadfast and hold yourself steady. "You may lose your sleep, you may lose your health, but don't lose your balance." she says. She insists that asking for help is essential to rebuild your life and knowing who to ask for the kind of help is a necessary step in healing and moving on.

Listen to how Priya figured out her life once she decided to go for a divorce. You will find it inspiring.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.

Please rate and review the show!

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

Let’s keep the conversation going!

Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter

To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email [email protected] or drop a comment below.

In this brutally honest and deeply moving sixth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series, I’m speaking with Usha, who I know through a friend. She read my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and then connected with me via email. When I requested her to be guest on my podcast, she readily agreed.

Usha lives in the UK and has had a life that has been full of ups and downs. Yet, despite the difficulties she faced as a young woman and mother trying her best to make a life for herself and secure custody of her child, she was willing to talk about it on the podcast.

The point of the  desi divorce discussions on this podcast, is to shed light on the various types of divorce stories that are out there. Much has changed since the nineties when Usha struggled to provide evidence that she could be a single mother AND provide for child. But the sad reality is that women are still hesitant to step out of unhappy marriages and continue to be judged, manipulated and coerced into toeing the line.

From a young age Usha was branded as 'too much" for having an unbridled zest for life and love for learning and pushing boundaries. Usha's story is one of passion, enthusiasm for life and an eagerness to learn and improve and add value to herself. Her journey took her from Chennai to the middle-east and then to the UK where she now lives. She remarried after her divorce and is now widowed.

While Usha's life has been marked by years of struggle it has also been redeemed by moments of transcendence. It is a story that everyone needs to listen if you want to know what the long road of life after divorce holds.

Usha's three-pronged advice to women who hesitate to leave an unhappy marriage is exactly what women need today:

Listen to Usha's story of her long fight to have access to her child and how she kept moving following her soul's guidance.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.

Please rate and review the show!

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

Let’s keep the conversation going!

Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter

To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email [email protected] or drop a comment below.

In this deeply honest fifth interview in the Desi Divorce Discussion series, I’m speaking with Manjula, who read my book, Rewriting My Happily Ever After – a memoir of divorce and discovery, and then connected with me via Twitter.

Manjula is an engineer by training but the one thing that we have in common is a love for reading and writing. In fact, Manjula wrote and published a novel during the pandemic. Manjula lives in Tiruvananthapuram, in Kerala, India and has two teenage children.

Quite often people wonder if women with more than one child and without a job would be bold enough to walk out of an unhappy marriage. After her divorce nice years ago, Manjula gave up her job in order so spend more time with her children. She moved to a town with a reasonable cost of living and figured out her savings and investment in order to do so.

Support and solace has come from multiple sources - friends, neighbours, books, music and writing. In spite of her challenges - due to her health condition and Covid-19, she now lives with her parents but has used the time during the pandemic to to write a novel.

Manjula's advice to women who hesitate to leave an unhappy marriage is to listen to their heart. "We tend to exaggerate the happiness of others while minimising our own misery. While life after divorce is not easy, it is certainly a better place to be," says Manjula.

Listen to Manjula’s uplifting story of following her heart and crafting a better story for herself and her children. It was only after her divorce that she took steps to fulfil her 'harmless' wishes like traveling within and outside India.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, have left an unhappy marriage or are curious about how women fare after divorce, do listen and let me know your thoughts.

Please rate and review the show!

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star rating and review, and subscribe!

Your reviews help me reach more listeners with the important message that it’s never too late to rewrite your happily ever after.

Let’s keep the conversation going!

Connect with me at https://www.ranjanirao.com. Follow me on Instagram @ranjaniwriter, on Facebook @ranjaniwriter and on Twitter @ranjaniwriter

To submit a question or be featured as a guest on my show, email [email protected] or drop a comment below.