Secret ex-military mercenaries abound in this weeks episode of the Riverdale Recap! Mary and Kirsten are here to lay down the law about why these Serpents DON'T COUNT and why Bret is basically just a Hogwarts student. Grab your chess sets and strap on your fencing gear for the 2nd best bathroom fight scene since 'She's the Man'!

#KeepYourEelsPeeled