In this episode of Roll The Balls Out, Producer Marc gets a nice email and then gets absolutely obliterated when VK reads some of his... unfortunate student poetry from the 90s. In other news, Mrs. Wierenga just jeopardized her position as Producer Marc's favorite teacher from his time at South. It should also be noted that whatever the poem lacked in lyricism and balance, it made up for in factual accuracy.

Also we might go to an every-other-week schedule because it's soccer season and VK needs the extra time to complete his pregame beauty regimen. Look good, play good, right coach?

This week's Mystery Guest actually did grow up in Kalamazoo, which is different from Mrs. Westra, who we learned a few weeks ago definitely did NOT do that. We also learn that there's an elephant elevator at Madison Square Garden in New York City, that our guest once helped to outfit Justin Bieber for a night on the town in NYC, and we come as close as we've ever come to having a guest storm off the podcast in a rage.

(And of course, we offer our congratulations to the SCHS Women's Varsity Basketball team on a fantastic season!)

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RTBO HIGHLY PAID, DEEPLY SKILLED & COMPLETELY PROFESSIONAL CREW

Hosts: Curt Copeland & Joel VandeKoppel

Honorary Executive Producer & Show Founder: Mark Van Stee

Strikingly Handsome Executive Editor, Managing Producer, SFX Coordinator, Staff Writer, Poet Laureate, Music Director & Host of Award-Winning Producer Notes Segment: Marc Vander Maas

Executive Producer, Official Show Disciplinarian, and Crisis Communications Manager for When The Show Gets Too Embarrassing for the School: Aaron Meckes

Instagram Coordinator and Director of the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology: Dr. Gabby Miller (M.S. in Sauce Integration & Chicken Strip Dynamics, Baylor University)

Director, RTBO Foundation: Sandy Dobbs

Bieber Stylist, Fashion Coordinator, Swag Manager, and Guy Who Gets Blamed For The Coupon Codes Even Though It’s Not Really His Fault: Taylor Johnson

Art Director and Image Coordination: Morgan Ball

Official Hunting Guide and Guy We’d Trust To Protect Us From The Predator, and Bringer of Juice: Bruce Huttenga

Bald but Still Respected: David Kool

Washington Correspondent: Teresa VanderSchaff

Finance Director Frantically Trying to Cover the Immense Cost of All The Coupon Codes: Maelia Post

GET TO DA CHOPPA: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Official Totally Awesome Mid-80s BMX Bike-based Sports Drama: Rad

Director of Transportation and Facilities Manager: “Big Hands” Mike Wolthuis

But seriously, dude is like a tree: Todd Schrotenboer

Drama Coordinator: Reba Ezell

Professional Elephant: Malachi VandeStreek

Secretary of Luxurious Facial Hair: John Hendrikse

Leader of Chicken Tender Rebel Alliance: Rachel Westra

Probably Loves You: Josh Sterenberg

IMPORTANT CORRECTION: Lee Van Cleef was actually "The Ugly" in the classic spaghetti Western "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly." We aplologize for the error.

This week's episode of Roll The Balls Out brings us a slight lull in the chicken strip war because the mystery guest hasn't been to Raising Cane's, but they promise to try it so there's hope for more fireworks in the future. VK namechecks Lee Van Cleef, the great Dutch ninja, who probably at some point worked with Chuck Norris in his career, which leads to the inevitable RIP for Chuck, who I kind of feel would have liked this podcast. Mystery guest also tells a pretty horrifying first date story which - considering the first date track record at SCHS - surprisingly doesn't involve some sort of digestive tract disorder. Also: Cope makes an important career announcement, but the announcement itself is overshadowed by all the flak he catches for for how he made the announcement.

This week's episode brought to you by Meengs Auto Detailing, where you can have an expert in advanced math finally get all of those old french fries out from under your driver's seat. The good news is that your car will be immaculately clean; the bad news is it might be returned to you as a dodecahedron that exists in a parallel dimension that you can't even comprehend. Sound like a service you could use? Drop Jeff a line at [email protected].

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RTBO HIGHLY PAID, DEEPLY SKILLED & COMPLETELY PROFESSIONAL CREW

Hosts: Curt Copeland & Joel VandeKoppel

Honorary Executive Producer & Show Founder: Mark Van Stee

Strikingly Handsome Executive Editor, Managing Producer, SFX Coordinator, Staff Writer, Music Director & Host of Award-Winning Producer Notes Segment: Marc Vander Maas

Executive Producer, Official Show Disciplinarian, and Crisis Communications Manager for When The Show Gets Too Embarrassing for the School: Aaron Meckes

Instagram Coordinator and Director of the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology: Dr. Gabby Miller (M.S. in Sauce Integration & Chicken Strip Dynamics, Baylor University)

Director, RTBO Foundation: Sandy Dobbs

Stylist, Fashion Coordinator, Swag Manager, and Guy Who Gets Blamed For The Coupon Codes Even Though It’s Not Really His Fault: Taylor Johnson

Art Director and Image Coordination: Morgan Ball

Official Hunting Guide and Guy We’d Trust To Protect Us From The Predator, and Bringer of Juice: Bruce Huttenga

Bald but Still Respected: David Kool

Washington Correspondent: Teresa VanderSchaff

Finance Director Frantically Trying to Cover the Immense Cost of All The Coupon Codes: Maelia Post

GET TO DA CHOPPA: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Official Totally Awesome Mid-80s BMX Bike-based Sports Drama: Rad

Director of Transportation and Facilities Manager: “Big Hands” Mike Wolthuis

But seriously, dude is like a tree: Todd Schrotenboer

Drama Coordinator: Reba Ezell

Professional Elephant: Malachi VandeStreek

Secretary of Luxurious Facial Hair: John Hendrikse

Leader of Chicken Tender Rebel Alliance: Rachel Westra

Probably Loves You: Josh Sterenberg

In this week's episode of Roll The Balls Out, we continue our ongoing coverage of Chickengate with our mystery guest absolutely throwing down the chicken wing gauntlet, directly challenging Dr. Gabby Miller (Director of the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology) and her assertion that Raising Cane's chicken strips are "life changing," and raising high the standard of Chick-Fil-A. This thing might be getting out of hand.

Also, we have the triumphant return of the Award-Winning PRODUCER NOTES segment with a deep dive into the VIEWER MAILBAG. We've got hoodies going out the door to contest winners, we've identified our listener from Fiji, and having taken the coast of north Africa with our Tunisian listener, we're now moving to the top of the charts along the Pacific Rim. The plan for world podcast domination continues...

Additionally: What's a Maroon?

Don't forget to shoot us your questions, comments, and hot takes on the great chicken tender war at [email protected]!

This episode is proudly presented by PURE POND SOLUTIONS, the premier provider of pristine and picturesque pond purity. Planted in Byron Center and faithfully preserving ponds across West Michigan, Pure Pond Solutions delivers professional purification, protection, and peace of mind for pond proprietors everywhere. For more information, pricing, or a personalized pond purification plan, please contact Pure Pond Solutions!

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RTBO HIGHLY PAID, DEEPLY SKILLED & COMPLETELY PROFESSIONAL CREW

Hosts: Curt Copeland & Joel VandeKoppel

Honorary Executive Producer & Show Founder: Mark Van Stee

Strikingly Handsome Executive Editor, Managing Producer, SFX Coordinator, Staff Writer, Music Director & Host of Award-Winning Producer Notes Segment: Marc Vander Maas

Executive Producer, Official Show Disciplinarian, and Crisis Communications Manager for When The Show Gets Too Embarrassing for the School: Aaron Meckes

Instagram Coordinator and Director of the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology: Dr. Gabby Miller (M.S. in Sauce Integration & Chicken Strip Dynamics, Baylor University)

Director, RTBO Foundation: Sandy Dobbs

Stylist, Fashion Coordinator, Swag Manager, and Guy Who Gets Blamed For The Coupon Codes Even Though It’s Not Really His Fault: Taylor Johnson

Art Director and Image Coordination: Morgan Ball

Official Hunting Guide and Guy We’d Trust To Protect Us From The Predator, and Bringer of Juice: Bruce Huttenga

Bald but Still Respected: David Kool

Washington Correspondent: Teresa VanderSchaff

Finance Director Frantically Trying to Cover the Immense Cost of All The Coupon Codes: Maelia Post

GET TO DA CHOPPA: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Official Totally Awesome Mid-80s BMX Bike-based Sports Drama: Rad

Director of Transportation and Facilities Manager: “Big Hands” Mike Wolthuis

I mean, he comes from a pretty tall family: Todd Schrotenboer

Drama Coordinator: Reba Ezell

Professional Elephant: Malachi VandeStreek

Secretary of Luxurious Facial Hair: John Hendrikse

Leader of Chicken Tender Rebel Alliance: Rachel Westra

It's episode 8 of Roll The Balls Out, in which we find out which current South Christian teacher has been onstage with an Australian rock band. Hint: it was neither AC/DC nor INXS. Other Australian rock bands: Crowded House, Cut Copy, Men At Work, Jet, Midnight Oil, Tame Impala, and... Regurgitator? Wow. Seems like a great band if you're a gastroenterologist. Don't worry though. There's a lot more in the episode besides gastroenterology.

OK, I have to come clean. There's no gastroenterology in this episode. Not even a mention of it. I made that up totally. But it is a solid career if you're a student and looking to go into a particular medical field. You can learn more about gastroenterology here.

This episode brought to you by Kerstetter Painting, run by arguably the most handsome man at South Christian and the front man for hot new band Kerstetter and the Fresh Coats.

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RTBO HIGHLY PAID, DEEPLY SKILLED & COMPLETELY PROFESSIONAL CREW

Hosts: Curt Copeland & Joel VandeKoppel

Honorary Executive Producer & Show Founder: Mark Van Stee

Strikingly Handsome Executive Editor, Managing Producer, SFX Coordinator, Staff Writer, Music Director & Host of Award-Winning Producer Notes Segment: Marc Vander Maas

Executive Producer, Official Show Disciplinarian, and Crisis Communications Manager for When The Show Gets Too Embarrassing for the School: Aaron Meckes

Instagram Coordinator and Director of the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology: Dr. Gabby Miller (M.S. in Sauce Integration & Chicken Strip Dynamics, Baylor University)

Director, RTBO Foundation: Sandy Dobbs

Stylist, Fashion Coordinator, Swag Manager, and Guy Who Gets Blamed For The Coupon Codes Even Though It’s Not Really His Fault: Taylor Johnson

Art Director and Image Coordination: Morgan Ball

Official Hunting Guide and Guy We’d Trust To Protect Us From The Predator, and Bringer of Juice: Bruce Huttenga

Bald but Still Respected: David Kool

Washington Correspondent: Teresa VanderSchaff

Finance Director Frantically Trying to Cover the Immense Cost of All The Coupon Codes: Maelia Post

GET TO DA CHOPPA: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Official Totally Awesome Mid-80s BMX Bike-based Sports Drama: Rad

Director of Transportation and Facilities Manager: “Big Hands” Mike Wolthuis

I mean I've seen tall guys before but get a load of this guy: Todd Schrotenboer

Drama Coordinator: Reba Ezell

Professional Elephant: Malachi VandeStreek

Secretary of Luxurious Facial Hair: John Hendrikse

"This is your time. Their time -- is done. It's over."

-Herb Brooks, Coach, 1980 Gold-Medal Winning Hockey Team

"...But it'll probably be their time again next week, just to be clear."

-Producer Marc

We've spent a lot of time on the podcast with the sports folks, but now it's time to turn our attention to the theater. And what better time to do that than right now, as we anticipate the debut of South Christian's version of Seussical, showing from March 5-7 in our fantastic Auditorium! (You can purchase your tickets here.)

Because the writer of the show notes is also the Auditorium Manager and has a full plate this week getting ready for the show, we're going to keep the notes short this week. So suffice it to say that in this episode we have - for the first time ever on the podcast - mystery guests, not just a mystery guest. Curt Copeland tells a story about going to the theater for a broadway show with his wife, only to try to leave at intermission because he thought the show was done (My favorite detail: his claim that he got "spruced up" for his trip to the theater by "putting on a shirt"), while VK displays a sort of surprising level of knowledge about and affection for Les Miserables. Also there's some inside baseball between Joel and mystery guest 7.5 about Premiere League soccer, leading many to wonder why we aren't just talking about Baseball. This is America, after all.

Don't forget to send in your comments to [email protected] for your chance to get some sweet sponsor swag or perhaps one of those signed 8x10 glossy promo photos of the hosts, which we're sure are soon to be the most in-demand podcast glossy promo photos ever produced by a largely unknown high school podcast!

RTBO HIGHLY PAID, DEEPLY SKILLED & COMPLETELY PROFESSIONAL CREW

Hosts: Curt Copeland & Joel VandeKoppel

Honorary Executive Producer & Show Founder: Mark Van Stee

Strikingly Handsome Executive Editor, Managing Producer, SFX Coordinator, Staff Writer, Music Director & Host of Award-Winning Producer Notes Segment: Marc Vander Maas

Executive Producer, Official Show Disciplinarian, and Crisis Communications Manager for When The Show Gets Too Embarrassing for the School: Aaron Meckes

Instagram Coordinator and Director of the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology: Dr. Gabby Miller (M.S. in Sauce Integration & Chicken Strip Dynamics, Baylor University)

Director, RTBO Foundation: Sandy Dobbs

Stylist, Fashion Coordinator, Swag Manager, and Guy Who Gets Blamed For The Coupon Codes Even Though It’s Not Really His Fault: Taylor Johnson

Art Director and Image Coordination: Morgan Ball

Official Hunting Guide, Inspiration for the novella A River Runs Through It (probably), and Bringer of Juice: Bruce Huttenga

Bald but Still Respected: David Kool

Washington Correspondent: Teresa VanderSchaff

Finance Director Frantically Trying to Cover the Immense Cost of All The Coupon Codes: Maelia Post

GET TO DA CHOPPA: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Official Totally Awesome Mid-80s BMX Bike-based Sports Drama: Rad

Director of Transportation and Facilities Manager: “Big Hands” Mike Wolthuis

Seriously, have you seen this dude? He’s really tall: Todd Schrotenboer

Drama Coordinator: Reba Ezell

Drama Supplier, Professional Elephant: Malachi VandeStreek

You know it’s another action packed episode of Roll The Balls Out, Right? Like, you’re coming to expect this on a weekly basis at this point? Is this thing on?

Yes. Yes it is.

This week’s mystery guest is a member of the species Homo sapiens, breathes air, has athletic links, and I think we can all agree without knowing a single thing more about him or her that given the opportunity they would turn VK into a real-life version of that old “Best Volleyball Blocks Ever with Scott Sterling” sketch (love that man) that everyone should enjoy on YouTube at some point in their life.

Wait, you haven’t seen the Scott Sterling thing? Really? Seriously, go to YouTube and search for it. Don’t worry, we’ll wait.

[Patiently waits; Chuckles at “WELCOME TO THE HEAVYWEIGHT BOUT BETWEEN SCOTT STERLING’S FACE, AND EVERYTHING ELSE!”]

Oh good, you’re back.

In keeping with our well established podcast tradition we have Stee Stories, the weekly segment in which we honor the memory of Mark Van Stee (our beloved late colleague and the originator of our show title); we also welcome back RTBO Instagram Coordinator and Resident Chicken Finger Quality Analyst at the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology Dr. Gabby Miller (who sports a Master of Science in Sauce Integration & Chicken Strip Dynamics from Baylor University) to comment on the massive Raising Cane’s scandal currently engulfing the show (we have to note that VandeKopple's lumping together of Cane's and Wendy's is basically indefensible); and Producer Marc really brings the juice with his super smooth upgraded version of the Producer Notes segment in which he reveals RTBO’s plans for continued podcast domination of the North African coastal region.

[HASHTAG SCOTT STERLING]

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RTBO HIGHLY PAID, DEEPLY SKILLED & COMPLETELY PROFESSIONAL CREW

Hosts: Curt Copeland & Joel VandeKopple

Honorary Executive Producer & Show Founder: Mark Van Stee

Strikingly Handsome Executive Editor, Managing Producer, SFX Coordinator, Staff Writer, Script Supervisor, Music Director & Host of Award-Winning Producer Notes Segment: Marc Vander Maas

Executive Producer, Official Show Disciplinarian, and Crisis Communications Manager for When The Show Gets Too Embarrassing for the School: Aaron Meckes

Instagram Coordinator and Director of the RTBO Institute for the Advancement of Poultry Science and Technology: Dr. Gabby Miller (M.S. in Sauce Integration & Chicken Strip Dynamics, Baylor University)

Director, RTBO Foundation: Sandy Dobbs

Stylist, Fashion Coordinator, Swag Manager, and Guy Who Gets Blamed For The Coupon Codes Even Though It’s Not Really His Fault: Taylor Johnson

Art Director and Image Coordination: Morgan Ball

Official Hunting Guide, Guy We’d Trust To Protect Us From The Predator, and Bringer of Juice: Bruce Huttenga

Bald but Still Respected: David Kool

Washington Correspondent: Teresa VanderSchaff

Finance Director Frantically Trying to Cover the Immense Cost of All The Coupon Codes: Maelia Post

GET TO DA CHOPPA: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Official Totally Awesome Mid-80s BMX Bike-based Sports Drama: Rad

Director of Transportation and Facilities Manager: “Big Hands” Mike Wolthuis

Tallest Man in Gaines Township, Michigan: Todd Schrotenboer

It's another heart-pounding episode of Roll The Balls Out, this time brought to you by Todd's Tapes, a great local business that apparently has a website but VandeKopple fails to mention what that website is during his "excellent" ad read, so we'll mention it here: toddstapes.com.

ANYHOO, other stuff happens on this episode beside an ad that doesn't tell you how to contact the vendor. There's the standard previous show highlights, an SC Food Service shoutout (yum), and our latest mystery guest - this time, a former SC student and soccer player who currently attends Calvin University. (This of course leads to more shade thrown at Hope by the incredibly erudite, insightful and handsome Calvin grads who graciously allow former Hope student Copeland to be on the show.) As usual, the conversation kind of goes off the rails - although, speaking of rails, our guest reveals that given their choice, their Winter Olympic sport would be luge, or maybe ski jumping, which are both awesome. The guest also gives what may go down in history as the single worst shout-out ever attempted, one so bad that it required Producer Marc to step in and make what may go down in history as the smoothest, most seamless cover-up edit ever attempted.

In other news, VK has decided to pick a fight with Producer Marc, and he's going to learn a hard lesson about getting on the bad side of the person who 1) controls the sound effects and 2) writes the episode descriptions.

In a flagrant display of hubris, Copeland and VandeKopple allow show producer Marc Vander Maas to have a microphone of his own. The good news is that he delivers the first VIEWER MAILBAG segment ([email protected], of course) and reveals that the show is IMPACTING HUGE in Tunisia (with a single download). The bad news is that it makes for a more chaotic environment for this week's mystery guest, who A) is (or at least was) good at a sport, b) is employed by a local high school that may or may not be South Christian, and c) is either male or female, but because the writer of the show notes is more subtle and crafty than Mr. VandeKopple, he's not going to give that information away at all.

Other topics of discussion: Mr. Kroeze's free-throw shooting ability, whether Mr. Kroeze could beat the Mystery Guest in a free-throw shooting competition (not even the slightest chance), Raising Cane's and fast-food chicken in general, and, if the Mystery Guest were in a high-stress situation where their arms were heavy, knees week, and palms sweaty, what fast-food item would be represented in the vomit that was on their sweater already, assuming that mom wasn't able to make her famous spaghetti that day. All this and MUCH MORE in this action packed episode of Roll the Balls Out!

This week's episode sponsored by Clean Kicks Shoe Cleaning; Tessa does great work but even she may not be able to handle VK's shoes. You can find her on instagram @cleankicksshoecleaning or drop an email to [email protected] for... you know... shoe cleaning.

This week, we learn that Curt Copeland believes that, given the proper circumstances, he could "make an impact" on the world of Olympic speed skating. We also learn that he's "at least ten years past his athletic prime" and "potentially delusional," a fact confirmed by our latest MYSTERY GUEST, who also helps us prove beyond any reasonable doubt that Calvin University is superior to Hope College in pretty much every significant way.

We are also introduced to the important work of the Roll the Balls Out Foundation, which doesn't actually exist and does no work at all to the best of our knowledge, but it sounds cool and could possibly help to fund a pair of skates for Mr. Copeland at some point in the future, or maybe a scholarship so he can take a class at Calvin and finally get a REAL college education AMIRIGHT? (Hang in there Cope - maybe someday you'll land that dream job at CourtMenders!)

Don't forget to email us at [email protected] with your questions, comments, or demands that we roll out some sweet sweet RTBO merch for you to impress your friends and family with!

This week on Roll The Balls Out!, we welcome our first student guest and force them to say who their favorite teacher is, which can only lead to awkwardness at school when the episode releases; the student also quizzes Copeland and VandeKopple on current teen slang, which - let's be honest - is also awkward. But none of that can happen until after an oddly long discussion of the largest member of the Pike family and the equipment needed to catch them (brought to you by this weeks sponsor, Muskie Bandit Baits).

Plus: Are you a listener? Do you have feedback? Are we gonna have a "listener mailbag" segment if listeners send us email? ONLY TIME WILL TELL. But if we're going to do that, we need an email address, so here it is: [email protected]. Please be kind.