Behold, Lord Guan's incredible journey. Checkpoints and middle managers, monks and paperwork, nothing stops his great journey to return to his lord. Even though his lord isn't actually there anymore. Cao Cao tries and fails to secure his services, Xuande realizes what a clown Yuan Shao is, and lots of people get cut in half for... being stupid? Let's be honest here.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Guan Yu's theme from Dynasty Warriors 1, and the outtro music is the theme from Papers Please.