Kongming has excuses, and the three brothers have cities to conquer. The Southlands show a startling lack of competence as their schemes fall flat on their faces. Why does Lu Su still have a job? Plus, Xuande gets remarried to a lady who loves swords!

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Blood & Glory from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and the outro music is the main menu music from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XII.