In this episode of Restoring the Families Ministries, Stan and Cynthia Shelby continued their deep dive into the classic book Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrell. The discussion centers on a fundamental truth: men and women are wired differently, and those differences are a gift from God designed to make us “one flesh.”

Stan emphasizes that a healthy marriage requires ongoing “research.” Just as a teacher assigns homework or a car buyer checks a vehicle’s history, a spouse must be a lifelong student of their partner’s heart.

While men and women often view romance differently, Stan highlights that for many women, romance isn’t about grand, expensive gestures. Instead, it is defined by:

Thoughtfulness over Cost: Small, consistent actions like bringing her coffee or leaving a surprise note.

Proactive Help: Alleviating her stress by handling chores or fixing things without being prompted.

Active Listening: Being fully present and remembering the small details she shares during the day.

Stan shares a story about surprising Cynthia with a Valentine’s stay at a castle in Versailles, Kentucky. By taking the initiative to plan every detail—from the bags to the dinner reservations—he illustrates how spontaneity and effort speak volumes.

“Every queen needs to have her castle… that blessed her socks off that I was able to prepare a date night and plan something we had never done before.”

To help men put this “research” into practice, the episode outlines several romantic gestures:

Chivalry: Practice simple gestures like opening doors and giving genuine compliments.

Quality Time: Dedicate uninterrupted time for cuddling or deep conversation without the distraction of sports or phones.

Acts of Service: Send a text during the day letting her know dinner is handled so she can relax when she gets home.

Small Surprises: Leave loving notes where she can find them unexpectedly.

Respect Her Individuality: Celebrate that she is different from you. Those differences are what allow you to “sharpen” one another like iron.

Marriage isn’t something you just fall into and hope for the best; it requires active work and study. By learning what makes your spouse feel “deeply seen,” you foster a relationship that is both unique and complete.