For as long as I can remember, I have been overweight and/or obese. Suppressing my emotions. Numbing the pain with a number of things one being food. Obesity is a disease.*

Go run outside and lose the weight said caregiver. Parents and extended family making comments year after year. Even at my master’s graduation celebratory dinner, my aunt said, “you did a great job now you need to lose weight.” Making me feel insecure and insignificant whenever, however. It’s a shame to make your loved ones feel shame.

At the ripe age of 29 going on 30, I realized that I had to detach from family, friends, and outside influences over my life starting with health and wellness. I had to do things my way. True freedom is making decisions for yourself with intuition. We all have it but for some of us our intuition has been turned off by childhood upbringing, school systems and societal norms. Complete bullshit. You know what you need. Period full stop.

Running has always been a burden. Running in PE class and running at home. Mind you I’m due for a laparoscopy for suspected endometriosis a whole-body inflammatory disease. Some days I’m swelled up like a balloon some days I can possibly see a four-pack. Nothing is certain but again a disease. Or maybe it’s dis-ease from nervous system dysregulation, lack of sleep, stress and cortisol combined. What I will say is, when I surrendered and said universe show me the way, A LOT I mean A LOT changed in my life.

Running on my own terms means that once I let go, the weight literally let go of me over the years. I have been strength training, walking as much as I can, and most recently running. I keep track of what I eat level-headed and unbothered. With obesity there is a lot of “food noise” where you want to eat all the time. Look it up in your own time. A reminder that food is fuel, fitness is freedom, and lean is law.

I’m releasing what never belonged to me including self-limiting beliefs. Actually, breathing not like the day to day breathing, but taking time to check in with myself and do the breathwork has made all the difference. Running outside in nature has healed me. Running outside has pushed me past my limits.

Running outside has given me confidence to do what I say I’m going to do without hesitation. After I finish running, I take off my shoes and walk barefoot on the grass to ground myself. I also hug a tree because we give and take from each other so ethereally. When I run outside, I feel that runner’s high to keep pushing and keep going because I know I can do hard things.

For those of us who were shamed for being overweight and/or obese, it’s not your fault. Majority of us are this way because of our environment. Obesity runs in families.*Nature versus nurture. The way out to the other side is making the decision to want a better life. The choice is yours.

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