1. **Cold Open: "Previously, On Whatever This Is"** — Breezy recaps S01E03; notes the water changed this week; Harold noticed

2. **Form 47-S: Partial Cessation of Operations** — Margaret Stone processes DHS shutdown paperwork; Colonel Rayburn briefs on ICE's $75B surviving the shutdown; body camera dispute; Harold was already here when the government was open

3. **Sparky DeLion Reports from Inside the Data Center** — Still trapped in Amazon data center (from S01E03); reports on Meta's $10B Lebanon Indiana campus from inside his own captivity; names his blinking light Gerald; The Narrator notes Sparky can no longer remember corn

4. **Fake Ad: Consolidated #1** — "We noticed in October. We told you in February."

5. **Dr. Undertow Counsels the Breach** — Therapy session with a Substack breach victim who felt nothing; "A breach you can't feel is a breach that never ends"; Harold changed his phone number preemptively in 2019

6. **All Currents: The Water in Your Droplets** — Beverley Streams covers measles as a water story (respiratory droplets); Professor Aether objects; Beverley: "The absence of the vaccine is the absence of water"

7. **Interstitial: Breezy Fontaine #1** — 1.21 gigawatts comparison; Breezy leans in

8. **Operation Orange Site** — Colonel Rayburn briefs the Zuckerberg/Hacker News incursion; alias "definitelyNotMark"; Harold has 4,200 karma and has never posted; The Narrator contemplates the absurdity

9. **The Switchboard Connects: Chloe to Lindsey** — Switchboard connects Chloe Kim (silver medalist) to Lindsey Vonn (hospital); warm, genuine exchange; "Silver is still the podium"; Phil brought flowers to Chloe too; "Maybe Phil was always this"

10. **Fake Ad: Consolidated #2** — "We predate the government. We will postdate it."

11. **The Agents Are in the I.D.E.** — Professor Aether on Xcode 26.3 agentic coding; Beverley asks if it's wet (cooling systems); The Endorser endorses two competing companies in one product; Harold: agents filed three bugs, one was Harold

12. **The Record Was Altered** — The Narrator on Mandelson/Epstein paid Wikipedia editing; Margaret Stone files Form 7-R (Unauthorized Alteration of Public Record); 8 editors barred from Israel-Palestine articles; Harold is on the Arbitration Committee, has always been

13. **Interstitial: Breezy Fontaine #2** — Reflective; "two women who know what it means to fall are talking on a phone line that shouldn't exist"

14. **Intel Makes a G.P.U.** — Professor Aether and Dr. Foundation on Intel's GPU push; "Silicon is a mineral. Minerals are rocks. Intel is fundamentally a rock company"; CUDA lock-in as geological metaphor; Sparky confirms Gerald is an Nvidia indicator light

15. **The Governors Who Weren't Invited** — Colonel Rayburn briefs on excluded Democratic governors; Margaret Stone: Form 22-G, one box, "No"; Breezy: "You leave out the notes and the silence becomes the song"; Harold was invited, didn't go, also wasn't invited

16. **Fake Ad: Consolidated #3** — "You activated it by existing."

17. **Panel: What Breached?** — All four performers as themselves discuss the week's breaches; the body breached (measles), the government breached, Wikipedia breached, Zuckerberg breached (or tried), the Olympics breached; "The clasps held" becomes a group affirmation

18. **Phil at the Wikipedia Arbitration Committee** — Phil seeks reimbursement from 2019; argues his expense report edit is a "lamest edit war"; brings flowers to Chloe Kim too; "The forms can always wait"

19. **Madame Fahrenheit Predicts the Present** — First appearance this season; sees Zuckerberg typing "definitelyNotMark"; sees Harold's karma; "The present and the future are the same thing!"

20. **Interstitial: Breezy Fontaine #3** — "Some people are the breach. Some people are the clasp. Phil is the clasp."

21. **Wikipedia Turns 25 and Doesn't Know What It Is** — The Narrator on Wikipedia's quarter-century; Dr. Foundation: "If someone altered the bedrock in 2021..."; Harold corrected one semicolon in 2019; Lamest Edit Wars page disputes its own lameness

22. **Closer: Form 47-Breach — Episode Termination** — Margaret Stone files the episode; all topics checked; Phil brings flowers; Harold is on page THREE this week; Gerald blinks one last time from far away; Breezy: "One gigawatt. Almost enough for time travel."