In this, the final episode of the season, I talk about one of the biggest “Things Unspoken”. Please take extra care and make sure that you’re in a safe space when you listen. I committed to 10 episodes for this first season and I did it, plus 1, despite a few weeks hiatus in between. I’ve really enjoyed this medium and plan to be back with more in the near future.

Thanks so much for listening to this Season. I really appreciate your support. Subscribe for free to be the first to know when Season 2 begins. .

TRANSCRIPTION

Hi, everyone, and welcome back. This is the final episode of this season of healing her story. Today we're going to be talking about suicide, which is not an easy thing to talk about, and something that is still not openly discussed in any real sense. So I think it fits very well and the theme of Things Unspoken. And yeah, it's something that's really been on my mind. So let's get into it. 

There has been a fair bit of peer reviewed research around the correlation between suicide and child abuse, and very briefly, the conclusions are that Children who experience physical, sexual, and emotional abuse or neglect are at least two to three times more likely to attempt suicide in later life. Of the different types of abuse experienced, only childhood sexual abuse directly predicted suicidal ideation. All other types of abuse indirectly predicted suicidal ideation through their association with anxiety. Overall, Children who experience physical, sexual, and emotional abuse or neglect are at least two to three times more likely to attempt suicide in later life.

People don't like talking about suicide in public. No, not even those who post on their feeds. I'm here if you want to talk. In fact, these copy and paste posts, really get my hackles up. Leave this on your profile for so many minutes or hours, or whatever, to show that you support. It does nothing. 

Most people who are seriously contemplating suicide are not able to reach out. Talk of suicide makes people uncomfortable, or sanctimonious. They don't know what to say, and they don't know how to respond. In the company of other people's pain and helplessness, people withdraw. They spout platitudes rather than engaging in real conversation about the reasons and circumstances that lead to thoughts of leaving this world. 

Conversations around death by suicide need to be more than telling people, I'm here, you have so much to live for, this will pass, don't give up. You're not alone. Let's face it, when you're stuck in the hopelessness and the agony of having to take each next breath, when you're at that point of feeling, that death is the easiest, most painless way out of the place that you find yourself in now. When you're at the point where you have spoken yourself out of all the reasons you have to stay attached to this world. Those things that people say are empty. 

There is very little acknowledgement of despair. And there's very little acknowledgement or understanding that death can seem like a relief, like a solution, like a way out, like the only avenue open, like the only reasonable choice. Often if we're in that space of suicidal ideation, we don't share our thoughts with others, or we talk about it in the abstract. 

It is widely believed and taught that connection is the antidote to despair. However, in order to feel connected, we need to feel heard and understood. And that includes being understood in our helplessness and hopelessness, and pain. Part of being heard and understood means that we have to be able to say, and to hear, and to see the words. I do not want to live anymore, without having somebody come back with a band aid. You're not alone. I'm here for you. How exactly does that work? What does being here for me mean? 

What is it that we really need in these moments? Do we even know ourselves? I have personally contemplated suicide pretty often. Many, many times over the years. In fact, I've come very close to acting on those thoughts. But the thing that always pulled me back was the thought of what it would do to my children. I've also experienced people I love acting on those feelings. It's beyond devastating for those of us left behind. 

I lost one of my very closest friends to suicide several years ago, and it was crippling. But in that all encompassing grief, I also understood the motivation. He was not outwardly depressed, he had everything going for him, his career was really taking off. He just bought a new home. We'd been discussing a business venture we were planning together. I'd seen him two days before, and everything had seemed the way it always was. When I got the word that he had died, I lost myself in the devastation of his absence from my life, and a part of me shattered, never to be mended. 

And while the reactions of our mutual friends and close family went through the gamut of responses to grief, including anger, how could he do this? I never felt that anger. As much of a shock as it was, it was also not unexpected to me. And it wasn't un-understandable to me. Because I really did understand, intimately, the draw of death as a solution. 

This episode is not to offer answers. But to highlight that for some of us, death always lurks on the edges. Even when we're happy, even when we're dealing with life and coping. And this is another thing that is not spoken. Not in any real sense. Not with any authenticity or transparency. You're not alone. I'm here for you. None of those words or sentiments, really cut it.

This first series of the podcast has been about Things Unspoken. And it feels right that suicide should be the final episode of the series. It remains the great unspoken.

I hope that you found the series to be illuminating. And that at the very least, it has helped you feel less of an albatross in the things that you are going through, thinking about, and experiencing. Just because society is beginning to talk about trauma doesn't mean that people are ready for the real, raw experiences to be put into language, and put into the public domain. But these conversations need to be had without the sugarcoating and the platitudes 

I'll be back in a month or two with a second series. I'm not sure yet how that will pan out. But I'll keep you updated. Until then, take care of yourself. And please share this podcast with anybody that you think might find it useful. Thanks for your support, and for listening over the last several weeks and months. And I really look forward to being back shortly.

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